kimichi Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Hi, everyone. I could really use some help here. I've only had one serious relationship in my life and when I was with him, he would always want to go further than just kissing. Even though I was in love with him I wasn't interested in sex or anything related to it, whereas he was all about it. I felt nothing from the sex we had, as well as nothing from kissing him. I remember constantly asking myself in my head when it would all be over. Recently, I had a thing with this guy I was very attracted to. I wasn't into making out with him, despite being attracted to him, and at times he could tell I wasn't interested in it. Although he was respectful and kind about the whole thing, I felt awful and even kind of frustrated with myself. A few weeks ago in a club, I was talking to a guy and he leaned in to kiss me. I kissed him back, but again all I could think of in my head was "Omg, when will it end." In the past a friend of mine suspected that I might be asexual because I've never shown any interest in having sex or kissing. It was the first time I ever heard about asexuality so since then I've always wondered if I might be asexual. The feelings I've been having about kissing and sex are really starting to concern me. I feel like I've already ruled out being demisexual, since I was didn't like kissing my boyfriend even though we were in love at the time. Please help me out. I hate how all of this uncertainty and confusion makes me feel, especially when I interact with guys I like who want to kiss me. It makes me feel even worse that I can't seem to have the confidence to explain all this to any of my friends or guys that I start developing relationships with. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pramana Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 First of all, welcome to AVEN!To address your question, from your description it sounds like you might be asexual. Sexual attraction may be described as preferences for potential sexual partners based on personal characteristics, whereby you might develop a desire to be sexual with people possessing those characteristics which you find attractive. In the asexual community, it is common to separate sexual attraction from romantic attraction. Romantic attraction likewise concerns a set of preferences for certain people, which may cause you to want have a romantic relationship with them, and so explains feelings like crushes and being in love. You write that you are attracted to certain people, but don't connect that to any desire to be sexual with them, so perhaps what you're experiencing is romantic attraction in the absence of sexual attraction.To provide some additional information that may be relevant, sexual attraction is typically revealed through one's sexual fantasies, with the types of people that you're sexually attracted to being those that you're likely to fantasize about. If you don't have sexual fantasies, or at least don't fantasize about real life sexual scenarios in which you might like to participate, then you have an indication that you may be asexual.Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what label fits. I hope the above information is useful to you. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 If you don't desire to have sex with anyone for sexual or emotional pleasure, than yah; that's the very meaning of asexuality after all. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pramana Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 14 minutes ago, Star Bit said: If you don't desire to have sex with anyone for sexual or emotional pleasure, than yah; that's the very meaning of asexuality after all. No, not at all:“As alluded to above asexuality is not currently a well-defined construct, at least not from a standpoint of scientific rigor, and definitions vary. Bogaert defined asexuality as a lack of sexual attraction, and this definition is routinely used in research. More specifically, asexuality has been defined as a lack of sexual attraction to anyone, as well as a lack of sexual attraction entirely (i.e., to anyone or anything). Overall, the lack of sexual attraction is thought to be persistent throughout an asexual individual’s adult life, although this is not a requirement for self-identification as asexual within the asexual community.” See: Morag A. Yule, Lori A. Brotto, Boris B. Gorzalka, Human Asexuality: What Do We Know About a Lack of Sexual Attraction?, Current Sexual Health Reports, March 2017, Volume 9, Issue 1, pages 50–56. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 A reminder not to turn this thread into a definition debate and to keep it focused on the OP's question. TheAP Questions about Asexuality co-mod Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BrownHat22 Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Hello Kimichi, welcome to AVEN! Based on your description, it certainly seems like you are asexual. Strictly speaking, asexuality is defined by a lack of sexual attraction. However, it is important to not confuse sexual attraction with libido, as sexual attraction is based on one's desire to have sex with an individual, and libido is one's propensity to be sexually aroused. That being said, PLEASE do not let my comment, or anyone else's comment make you feel pressured into accepting a label or definition. Hope you have a nice day! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
OldSoul Posted July 10, 2017 Share Posted July 10, 2017 You sound asexual to me! The umbrella covers a lot of different types of people and experiences. You can label yourself as "asexual", and continue to explore who you are. A label isn't set in stone, and sexuality can be fluid. I know how scary it can be at the beginning. Feel free to message me ANY time! I'm hear to give advice (to the best of my perspective's ability), or just listen to you rant if you need it! Welcome to AVEN! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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