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Crushes like a 9-year old and sexual liberation


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Hi,

 

I'm aware that there already are a lot of questioning threads on this forum, but I still couldn't find what I was looking for exactly. Would love to hear someone's opinion on this, thanks in advance!

 

I'm a 20-year old virgin. I have had a lot of crushes that started when I was quite young, "falling in love" all the time, but I always managed to crush on unavailable guys, often making up a lot of things about their personalities and what kind of interactions we'd have (while never getting close to them). Fantasies I've never had though are sexual ones. My mom was quite sexually oppressed and became very liberal, encouraging me to masturbate. I've tried half heartedly because it rationally seemed like a healthy thing to do, getting to know my own body and all and I'm all for sexual liberation, but I never really managed to. I got bored or didn't manage to do it right, or something. The only two orgasms I've ever had were while running, and not even that convinced me to keep to that sport. The thing is, I have no idea how much the average person things about sex or masturbates. Masturbation isn't a taboo anymore in the media where I live, but I feel like part of the media expressions (and I mean serious, informative ones, not movies with dick jokes or sexualized ads) regarding sexual desire and libido might be a bit too extreme for most people, I just don't know for sure. Not everyone masturbates, right?

 

Last month I was traveling through Europe and decided to get it over with, just to try it out and see what being with someone was like. So I almost had sex with an Australian guy (it was a hostel, didn't feel like loosing my virginity with 8 other sleeping people in the room in the end). It was my first time making out and while it wasn't disgusting I didn't really feel anything either. I also had no clue of what to do. He was really sweet and trying to give me pleasure I guess, but I had no idea what to do in return so I just ended up feeling guilty.

 

I talked about this with a friend and she said my crushes were like the crushes of 9 year olds, and I guess that's a good way to put it. My sexual desire just seems a bit... Disconnected.

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cavalier080854

Sexual Liberation, even for sexual people is a myth, a chimera and an illusion. It does not promote self worth or esteem. But, as for your friend, from a sexual point of view is correct on the 9 year old crushes. Unfortunately Asexuality is a topsy-turvy world. I do not masturbate myself, though many asexuals do. Some, usually females, do engage in sex activity. Which is why asexuality is about not having sexual attraction. Asexual males usually do not engage is sex, because an erection is needed, which is started by sexual attraction, which we don't have. But if it is any help, I'm a 62 year old male virgin and I'm not ashamed. In a thread on the over 40s 35 people replied totalling 1665 years of virginity averaging 47. Do not feel guilty, sometimes  when you listen to your friends talk about relationships, you feel as though you are well out of it. Develop your character, friends will come and accept you for who you are long before they find out about your Asexuality. Good luck in your journey through life.:mellow:

 

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What you're talking about is something I call "innocent love", and I think it is the very core of a real love story. The idea of childlike crushes based on personality, and not on sexuality. There's nothing to feel ashamed of. Not everyone wants for that physical portion, and you can't be expected to return it.
Stay true to yourself, and progress at a rate which feels natural to you, if not at all. I have never felt the need to be sexual (in any light), and any dabbling attempts have left me nauseated, and feeling inauthentic. 
Best of luck, my friend. 
 

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  • 1 month later...

I lost track of this, but I'd like to thank you both for your replies. They've been helpful, and I've since accepted that I'm indeed somewhere on the spectrum. I'm not an insecure person, and when my doubt went away so did the fear of standing for something :) I had an asexual flag painted on my collarbone at pride and have started a quite intense friendship with an ace girl from my university (who knows if that becomes something more?). Virginity was never much of a worry, more of an "hmm, shouldn't that have happened?", and after some late night bed thoughts on whether experimenting would be worth the effort of shaving my legs, going out to clubs to meet people and uncomfortably ending up who knows where (because I'm certainly not taking anyone back to my place), I've put all that aside too. I might go for it once out of curiosity, but ending up as a 62-year-old virgin sounds quite tempting. 

 

Again, thank you for your replies :)

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