I really want to figure myself out

[JDL1129]

Hi!

I posted a welcome post earlier, so I'm not going to rehash all of that here. In summary, I came to AVEN to support a friend, and ended up going on a quest to discover my sexual identity.

I keep reading the term demisexual, and I'm starting to feel that it may apply to me, but I'm not 100 percent certain. I'm just going to tell you things and then wait for comments. I also realize that, even though I'm 32, the journey of self-discovery doesn't have to start and end at any particular time.

I'm into some physical stuff if we're close friends/in a romantic relationship. I do the hugs, with all of my friends really, and then cuddling and holding hands and even kissing if I'm in a romantic relationship with somebody. That's all well and good, and I love that side of things.

The sex, though, is more complicated.

I've only ever had one partner who I had sex with. I've only had one or 2 other partners I've even contemplated sex with. Now that I've had sex, I realize I'm perfectly fine if I don't have it. My partner and I had a *lot* of sex. I could have had it once, then gone a year, at least, without having it again and been perfectly content. In fact, chances are high that I won't have sex again unless I end up wanting to have children, which is something I go back and forth on a lot.

I know I've not necessarily given enough information to help people point me in a direction, so feel free to throw questions at me and I'll do my best to answer as best I can. Also I'll answer after some sleep.

-John

[White Knight]

Ahh yeah, the discovery never ceases to end. *nods*

 

Demisexual, I think, is the hardest to discover about yourself, because you can't know if you are or not until you develop a deep connection with someone (to the point of wanting sex). 

 

Basically, as I understand it, if you are deeply emotionally connected to someone and you feel the want to have sex with them after that, you are then demisexual. The problem is you need that deep connection first. 

 

If you feel that that description is you then I would say you are likely demisexual. But you may also find down the road you are more grey-A instead. Who knows? I'm still trying to figure out if I'm aromantic or demiromantic because I don't make deep connections often (so frustrating!).

 

I hoped this help!

[roland.o]

I agree with White Knight. From your description, it doesn't seem that you felt sexual attraction towards your partner, but rather had sex for other reasons. If that is the case, you could also use the "asexual" label to describe yourself. Anyway, the most important thing is to understand your feelings. After that, to express them when you want to. Labels are only a means to the latter.

 

If you think that you will experience sexual attraction once you get to know a special person, someone you really relate to emotionally, then demisexual would be a good description. That's kind of where I stand. It's not like I have proof that it will happen. But it's a label I feel comfortable with, and it describes how I see myself, so it's good for me.