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Hi! 

 

I have been wondering lately about axesuality. Sometime I relate to people post about it, I read it and half of it I think I might just be asexual, but then there is something else which is totaly different and it get me confused. People talk about asexual being a spectrum, but how do you know if the difference put you somewhere else in the spectrum or just means you are not asexual? All the different asexual title got me confused and I was wondering if I coud get someone else opinion? I can't say if I only have low libido or if I truly am asexual at this point. (Or low libido + demi sexual since I never consider going out with boys who were not really close friends first? All those label are confusing!)

 

How do you know if you have sexual attraction?

Is it those knife you get in your stomach and excitement when you think about spending more time with your crush? Or is it really thinking about doing "something" with the person? Pretty sure all my friend tell me the first is having attraction toward the person, how can I know if there is something more to it or not? My friend describe their attraction as butterfly in their stomach but is it "it", the famous feeling or is it only the stress and they have that other feeling/picture/hope/whatever it is which make the sexual attraction?

 

Do hetero girl find male part sexy, interesting to look at? Would it be normal for a hetero with low sex drive to find human body part mostly ugly, specialy the one which are normally hidden? Or are those part what people find attractive? Can you say someone is asexual because the person do not find those part attractive and even not fun to look at, or do you find this point of view in both sexual and asexual people?

 

Do sexual people with low libido normaly enjoy sex? I know some asexual enjoy it, so I read it those not say if you are asexual or not, but do the other way exist, sexual people not enjoying it? Or can I consider my lack of interest during the act as a sign I am asexual?

My boyfriend is in his dream of me having the same fun he have ( ... ) but all we find about how to improve the act is goole search or friend telling experiment on yourself. But I really really really can't imagine myself trying stuff alone. I am totally unable to try because I find the idea totally disgusting (with myself with myself, not about other doing it), so maybe someone here knows how to know if it's your capacity or yourself without passing by the activity of me alone? Am I just missing the commun interest around it because I am asexual? Is there a way to know? I am so lost and I feel the pression to know because my boyfriend want to please me, but I am so lost if it's me or him or else? He also suggest those things to improve libido but I am kinda scared? If I suddenly get that possibly missing feeling and would be suddently interesting in those kind of things, why would I want a feeling of needing something if my life is great without it?

 

Last question, when people talk about demi sexual. Is there the equivalent for something such as demiromantic asexual? (so many term it get confusing) Something like can find a people attractive romanticly only after developping strong bond (best friend + confident level of frienship kind of. Or just with the asexual + romantic the fact that it is with close friend first is obvious and goes without having to put a label on it?)

 

I do see people thinking one element similar to me in there text to say how the realize they were asexual. "I do not feel the need of doing it" kind of thing, but then in their text they write stuff about not wanting to touch people and I do like cuddling with a lot of intimacy and cannot identify exactly like their experience? We are all different and it is say to be a spectrum so I do not expect to have same experience as someone else but would I still be in the spectrum taking only the part which are like me?

 

(Yes, I have been 4 year with the same boyfriend and I have more than 21 years so I do not think it's because "I am not there yet or to young") Sorry if I look stupid because of my lack of knowledge of the topic + sorry for my language, english is not my first language. Also, thank's if you can help me! (Also, will it scared my boyfriend if I determine I am asexual and start using the term?! He say he can live with a girl with low sex drive and not doing it often, but saying the term do look like another level to the low libido)

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Sexual attraction is when your desire for sex is triggered by people or stuff in particular.

 

If you only have sexual attraction for close friends , you can call yourself hetero-amicussexual,  a subset of demisexual,  another subset of gray-ace.

 

 

Yeah, there's people who are ace bc they are sex averse  (apothisexual), touch averse , or genital averse (vapubsexual ). there's sexual people who also get these feelings.

 

 

 

 

 

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Hello Ravier, and welcome to the forums! :cake:

 

"The spectrum" ranges from sexuality on one side to asexuality on the other side, with gray A inbetween. Some call it the sexuality spectrum, some call it the asexuality spectrum, others find the latter inappropriate. "Asexuality" by itself is not a spectrum, but a sexual orientation, distinguished by the lack of sexual attraction/desire towards other persons. People who don't feel that attraction are asexual. People who feel it only rarely and/or under special circumstances are not asexual, but not fully sexual either, so they're somewhere in the gray area... which actually is a spectrum. Then again, somebody who felt sexual attraction only once or twice in life might consider these occurrences irrelevant, and still identify as asexual. Or somebody who never felt sexual attraction might consider that a result of the (lack of) circumstances, and identify as gray A. That's why labels cannot be assigned, but must be chosen.

 

As for the knife and the butterflies... if you feel it while thinking about spending time with someone in particular, it's probably romantic attraction. If you feel it while thinking about having sex with someone in particular, it may be sexual attraction. For many sexuals, the romantic attraction and the sexual attraction are aligned. They don't have to distinguish between the two, because when they have a romantic interest in someone, they also want to have sex with that person. If these attractions are not aligned, there is a bunch of labels to describe the sexual orientation, and just as many to describe the romantic orientation, and even more for other kinds of attraction. Maybe this helps you to sort out your feelings? http://wiki.asexuality.org/Attraction

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