Am I actually asexual?

[Sophie56]

I've been doing a lot of research and it only seems to be confusing me even more. Here is what I have figured out:

 

1- I'm hetero romantic. I'm not at all attracted to other women.

2- I think sex is nasty and porn really disgusts me ( this is what led me to believe that I am asexual)

 

Despite this I do think about sex/ have fantasies (but never about people I know In real life)

Does this mean I'm not asexual?

 

Also, I don't really understand what people mean when they say 'sexual attraction'. Does it mean you look at someone and think 'I wanna have sex with them' , if so I don't feel that.

 

However I do think: that a guy looks hot, cute, handsome ect. (Does this mean I'm sexually attracted to them?)

 

Sometimes I think I'm just being childish about sex because I'm a virgin. Btw I'm 17.

[FlaafyTaffy]

If you look at someone and want to have sex with them, that is what it means to be sexually attracted to them. It could be something that grows too, not always something that happens right away.

[Yatogami]

@Sophie56 discovering what you are is a journey, it won't come right away. A lot of people lack experience in relationships, or don't know how they feel about anything. So you are not alone in that regard. 

 

What really is the determining factor, is attraction to the the opposite sex, in your case. I suggest hanging out around here, and educating yourself more. Perhaps after seeing others and how they respond. You may learn a bit more about yourself in the process. 

 

I can suggest maybe you are Demi-sexual? That being you don't feel attraction until you have fallen in love with someone, and are comfortable around them. If this label doesn't fit, feel free to change to whatever you feel matches you. 

[White Knight]

I'm older than you and a virgin and I'll just say that don't worry about being childish. Sex is about being comfortable about it. If you aren't comfortable about it, then you aren't. Experience MAY make you more comfortable but you have to want it first. You may find that someone in the future makes you want it. OR you may never feel that way and that's ok too.

 

I identity as asexual. I think guys are hot and I want to be in a relationship, but no matter how many bodies I look at I am not sexually attracted to them. I have, however, felt crushes on people. I wanted to make them happy emotionally. I liked being around them because they made me feel good and safe.  

 

I would say, based on what you said, that you are asexual, but you may find that you are demisexual (basically, you need to make a strong bond first before you feel any sexual desires towards another person). It takes time, and it's ok to question and explore. 

 

Now, I suspect that I'm demi-romantic. Basically, I don't form romantic feelings towards others easily (deep bond is needed first), so I can't really say what romantic feelings are. I suspect it's wanting to go beyond friendship, something deeper. My romantic feelings, I think, are wanting to be closer to the person I like. Wanting to be with them. Wanting to make them happy, make them feel good (emotionally). I can't say that's true for everyone but there's that.

 

As for sexual attraction, FlaafyTaffy explained it pretty well. So if you look at someone and never feel the need to have sex with them, then yeah you aren't sexually attracted. 

 

You can be asexual AND still have fantasies. I do. Being asexual, as I see it at least, means you just don't get sexually attracted to anyone. Some asexuals even like sex! 

 

Keep researching and keep asking questions until you feel sure. You are still a teenager, and you still have time to figure this out. People still figure themselves out much, much later in life. 

[Pramana]

Welcome to the website!

Asexuality is commonly defined as a lack of sexual attraction, although sometimes it is defined as a lack of sexual attraction to other people. Sexual attraction may be described as a set of preferences with respect to potential sexual partners, based on characteristics such as gender, physical appearance, social status, personality traits, etc., whereby these characteristics that you find sexually attractive may cause you to desire sex with that person. Thus, sexual attraction is a much broader concept than looking at people and wanting to have sex with them. It can be explained by analogy to romantic attraction. Just as romantic attraction picks out the types of people that you might be inclined to form a romantic relationship with, sexual attraction picks out the types of people that you might like to have a sexual relationship with.

Typically, a guide to the types of people you find sexually attractive is the types of people you fantasize about. You write that you never fantasize about real life people, which might suggest that you experience sexual attraction but only to imaginary/fictional characters. If that's the case, then your experience of sexual attraction might be missing some element, as you don't connect your fantasies to real life sexual activities. On that account, I would suggest looking into fictosexuality and autchorissexuality, to see if either of those concepts might apply to you.

In terms of finding sex disgusting, there is a phenomenon known as sex-repulsion which is fairly common among asexuals (however, not all asexuals are sex-repulsed, and not all sex-repulsed people are asexual). Asexuals are probably more likely to be sex-repulsed because, in the absence of a force that makes sex seem appealing, there are plenty of other aspects of sex which might stand out as being gross.

I hope this is useful. And I wish you the best of luck!

[TheAP]

Thinking about sex doesn't mean you're not asexual, especially if the fantasies aren't directed at another person. And there is a difference between sexual and aesthetic attraction, so you can find someone attractive without being sexually attracted to them.