Asexual?

[itsjustlife]

I found AVEN two days ago. and it has honestly been so amazing to read how supportive everyone is here. I hesitated creating an account because I am kinda afraid of being judged, but as I read more and more, I saw how comfortable everyone was to say how they felt and I guess that's why I'm here.

 

I'm 15 and for the longest time I've felt different from my friends. One time in the eight grade, one of them asked me what my sexuality was. I honestly couldn't even think of a response. I said, "I don't really feel that way for anyone." and they saw I was clearly embarrassed, and thought I was hiding a crush or something. This happened a lot.

 

Until one year when I was asked again and someone said I might be asexual. For a long time I repressed it and tried to find other people attractive or imagine being in a relationship with another person. But, I just don't feel that way about people. While my friends imagine making out with their boy/girl friends I just imagine to sitting down in a cafe, watching a movie, or getting ice cream and talking about TV shows or books or some other stuff. I don't have crushes on people to be in a relationship, I just feel the want to be close friends with certain people.

 

When my friends also make sex jokes or mention anything in that area, I immediately get bright red, feel uncomfortable, and laugh really awkwardly.

 

After my friend said I may be asexual, I did a lot of research and I've tried a lot of online tests but the problem is they always ask whether I've dated or had sex. I've never done either because I've never wanted to do either of them. What I've found seems to fit, but I'm worried that I just haven't found the person or haven't tried anything yet.

 

I've also approached this topic with my parents and they always say I will eventually want to get married, have sex, and stuff, but it's impossible to get any further in the conversation after it gets to that point.

 

Anyways, I think I've said enough. Am I just too young and too inexperienced or am I asexual, or another part of the asexual spectrum? Thank you so much.

[Redshirt Jim]

Welcome  !!

That's okay.  AVEN is a place to find out. 

Sexuality is not black and white, and not all the time the character of asexuals apply, but that's okay. 

Choose the ones you are comfortable with. 

Besides, the reason I joined AVEN because we can talk about our views on gender, sex and romance without discrimination of any kind. 

You  are never too young or too old to figure out yourself

 

Live Long and Prosper.

 

 

[GRexCarolinii]

hello and welcome

I guess it's important to say that... there are no right or wrong answers, and I'm just one person with my opinion
but hopefully can be of some help because I think I relate to a lot of this (now 24 myself   when did I get so old )

 

44 minutes ago, itsjustlife said:

don't really feel that way for anyone."

 

44 minutes ago, itsjustlife said:

I don't have crushes on people to be in a relationship, I just feel the want to be close friends with certain people.

In a nutshell - this sounds more "Aromantic" than "Asexual"
to help: 
Asexual = Ace = lack of sexual attraction
Aromantic = Aro = lack of romantic attraction

I think the best way I found to get my head around those two is more like...
I want to sleep with that person (sexual) vs I want to date that person (romantic)

you can obviously be both, or be on the spectrum for one or the other
and any one of endless combinations and possibilities
 

 

47 minutes ago, itsjustlife said:

Am I just too young and too inexperienced or am I asexual, or another part of the asexual spectrum?

In short?
No... I don't think you're too young
But it's worth noting that sexuality and orientation are both... sometimes really hard to figure out, and often times fluid. 
So... you may associate with these labels now; but that could change
I was personally a late bloomer to the romantic side of things (comparatively to friends that is). 
Though not everyone is some people just know these things, some take time to work it out

I knew I was Ace before a relationship; and all my experiences just did was prove my thinking right  
 

 

49 minutes ago, itsjustlife said:

I'm worried that I just haven't found the person or haven't tried anything yet

You don't need to try anything you don't want to.
But you may want to; and that is just as fine and ok

Hopefully that is of some help; and more than happy to talk at length about anything else  
This is definitely the right place to talk things through!

[mindlife]

IJL, Welcome to AVEN!  

Thank you for logging in and sharing your experiences and thoughts.

This is a great place for delicate truth and understanding.

 

[Pramana]

Welcome to the community!

While only you can determine for sure what label fits, from your story I would say there's a good chance that you're asexual and aromantic. By age 15, most people have probably experienced sexual and romantic attraction if they're going to at all, however, there are some people who don't have these experiences until their late teens or even 20s. It's fine to go with the labels that seem to fit now, while accepting that this could change in the future. In terms of experience, typically people first develop the mental states of sexual and romantic attraction and desire, which is how they know they want to be sexual and romantic in the first place. If you don't have those feelings which make you want to be sexual and romantic, then you have a strong indication that you may be asexual and aromantic. By analogy, usually heterosexual people realize that they're attracted to members of the opposite sex, and uninterested in members of the same sex, well in advance of actual relationship or sexual experience. 

I hope this is useful. I wish you the best of luck going forward!

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