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Considering pregnancy (includes TMI)


SlytherClaw23

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SlytherClaw23

TL;DR: My partner & I are considering knocking me up, and I want to know how to help my Asexual partner be comfortable enough with procreative sex to make that happen.

 

*****About Us*****

 

I'm almost 40, and almost a year ago the doctor confirmed that I'm perimenopausal. The old biological clock has been tick-tocking lately. 

 

My partner is over 40, and he's the Asexual. He was sexually inexperienced until we started dating.

 

We've been living together for several months, and he came out as Asexual before I moved in with him. 

 

I have a very high libido, he finds sex boring. We haven't had sex this year. I've given up on trying to initiate, and go into the spare room to spend "quality time alone." 

 

Other than sex (and other touchy-feeliness), we're perfectly compatible. He owns our home, and we both have steady employment.

 

I'm disabled, and I fear that pregnancy would cause me to need to go on short-term disability for a while. I'm sure his parents would help us financially - his other siblings aren't planning on having children - they really want grandkids. So, worst case senario we should be financially OK.

 

*****Personal Information*****

 

I had 3 first-trimester miscarriages between 16-30. I now know that I have PCOS & an incompetent cervix - with the help of modern medicine, I should be able to carry to term.

 

I stopped using birth control a while back, as we haven't had sex since sometime last year (I've given up on trying to get laid; frankly, it breaks my heart a little bit when he rejects me). So I know it's possible, yet unlikely, for me to get pregnant. I want to roll the dice.

 

*****Background*****

 

We spent the long weekend visiting his family (3-hour drive north). We went to his family farm (another 1-hour north), visited his grandmother, and I bonded with his parents more, etc...

 

On the drive back home, we started dancing around the topic of family & kids.

 

Later, I asked, "So, what do you think - wanna throw caution to the wind and try? See what happens?"

 

He blinked a few times and said he'd been thinking about it recently, and needed to think about it some more. I expect we'll discuss it next weekend.

 

If we decide to try, I want to make it easier on both of us.

 

*****Questions - incl. TMI*****

 

I've only been able to bring him to orgasm with hand jobs, and even then it wasn't guaranteed to happen. When we've had sex, it's always been me on top - he's not interested in foreplay or trying other positions. 

 

What can we do so that he can orgasm inside me? (Would the fact that he has a specific goal - making a baby - help?)

 

What can I do to encourage him to be a more active sexual partner?

 

How can I keep from being discouraged by his lack of interest in the middle of sex?

 

How can I make sex an emotional bonding experience for him? (Eye contact isn't enough)

 

Thank you for any advice you can give!

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AVEN #1 fan

Well, first of all, if he's genital , sex or touch averse , I think you won't be able to do anything .

 

Second, if he has low libido I also don't think there's too much to do about it.

 

Idk,  maybe you guys can play with sex toys, or gently ask him to masturbate you, or you ask him if you can masturbate him,  maybe you guys can try other kind of sensual touching, like there's other erogenous pleasurable parts in your body, you can ask him to do stuff to you in  these parts, playing with food is fun too. Idk,  maybe you can dress him up sexy to please you and make him fullfill any fetishes you have, you just have to make him take it as an adult game.

 

 

you just have to make him feel comfortable , don't force him into anything if you truly love him, also try talking to him about what he can do to make you happy,  try finding a deal. If he loves you, he's probably frustrated he can't make you that happy , so don't be harsh with him.

 

 

These tips work on many humans:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/0e/b7/5b/0eb75bfa346141377b48a4fa098fbb54.jpg

 

 

 

 

Srly why don't you ask him to ejaculate in a pot if you only want to get pregnant , if he can't even do this, you can find  a doctor to help him with the biological part.

 

 

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SlytherClaw23

I appreciate your input. I need to the tools to have the conversation first :) I guess that's what I'm really looking for here. 

 

Also, I'd rather get pregnant the old fashioned way - if that doesn't work, we've previously discussed foster care & adoption. 

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flesh-pocket

if sex is an ordeal for you guys, why not take it out of the equation entirely?

 

artificial insemination is an option-- im not talking about any expensive procedures or anything, all you would need is a turkey baster or something similar. then asking the question of wanting to have a child wouldnt put pressure on him to sexually perform. thats all encouraging him to be a more active sexual partner for this would do, put pressure on him. the fact that hed be having sex in order to have a child probably wont get him to enjoy something he already knows he doesnt enjoy. 

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Lara Black

Hello, SlytherClaw23.

 

I agree with flesh-pocket – sex is not a must when making a child. There are ways to deliver his sperm inside you. If mutual masturbation (hand-jobs) work for you, guys, it might be the simplest way.

You said about wanting to conceive the traditional way, but you might want to give it a bit more thought. Is it only a baby you want, or do you want sex so much that you might be searching for an excuse to have it?

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SlytherClaw23

Of course I want to get laid :) I'm very aware of that. If I'm gonna lug a future minion around for 9 months, I don't think it's unreasonable to want the fun part first. 

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On 7/6/2017 at 2:59 AM, SlytherClaw23 said:

Of course I want to get laid :) I'm very aware of that. If I'm gonna lug a future minion around for 9 months, I don't think it's unreasonable to want the fun part first. 

Hmm.. I think that's a bit of a problem though... if you want the "fun part" and he doesn't (because obviously... it's not "fun" for him), it's not actually a conversation about children, it's still a conversation about your sexual incompatibility and the need to compromise for either of you - especially since there are indeed other low-cost options to achieve pregnancy that don't involve sex.

 

Granted, you are very right that since he isn't the one that's going to have to carry a baby inside him to term, your opinion here does matter a  bit more. Carrying a child for 9 months is no small feat, so I think If he really wants babies that are your own biological kids, you have some right to say that you want to conceive naturally and expect him to put in a bit of effort to achieve his goal of getting you pregnant. Of course, you want to help him as well but his motivation to have kids and your support should help him get through the chore. Thing is, this comes with a HUGE caveat that if anyone else is pressuring him to have biological children rather than adopted/foster kids things get a bit more difficult.. because then the desire to have biological kids with you isn't coming from him, it's coming from outside pressure which is all falling on him to perform sexually and you adding to that won't help at all. 

 

( Also.. I actually think having a goal would make sex harder rather than easier..?? At least, for me I think that would be the case, because there's more pressure to perform for an intended outcome... and I kind of think sex is never particularly emotionally bonding for a lot of aces, unless they can get sufficient emotional fulfillment from sacrificing to make their partner happy. )

 

As you say, foster care and adoption are probably better options unless he is set on having his own.. and that motivation must come from him and his willingness to compromise. 

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