how do you know for sure if you've never tried?

[stereksbeta]

a couple years back i discovered that im gay, now i live in a small town so there are not a lot of people to get into a relationship with. i've never been in a relationship with someone of the same sex but i have done things with someone from the opposite sex. now for a while ive been wonderingen if i might be asexual but i dont know if i can be sure if ive never tried it with my prefered gender. does anyone know if you can be sure about it if you've never tried ??

[Zoningout]

Some say yes some say no 

I say It's impossible to completely "know" without trying, but i do think people can have a good clue. 

With asexuality i think that's another story that's just are you sexually turned on or aren't you? it's basically do you feel attraction and i do believe that can be answered without experience for reasons of we tend to already know that answer and it doesn't take a relationship to figure out if we feel sexual attraction. 

 

But disagree or agree 

it depends on what you think, i can only say my own thoughts.

[fuzzipueo]

Yes it is possible. I've never tried with any gender and I have no interest in ever doing so. It honestly never occurred to me growing up that I was supposed to want a relationship with another person. In fact, it's only been in the past four or five years that I've actually begun to understand that aspect of myself. I would have loved to have friends though, something that I did try and never truly managed until my early 20s.

 

However, there's nothing saying you can't explore more. Knowing your own wants and needs will go a long way toward quelling your doubts. Whether you want physical interaction or more emotional interaction sans the sex, but with cuddles, kisses, romantic gestures, etc., is something you should take the time to explore. The levels of comfort vary from person to person and communicating that with a potential partner will be easier if you know ahead of time.

 

 

[stereksbeta]

@fuzzipueo thanks that's helpfull! i would like a relationship tho just not the sexual part of it... i was talking to a girl once that almost turned into a relationship and i liked her very much and indeed wanting all the cuddling kissing things that came with the relationship but I didn't want the sexual part at all. This was like the closest I came to having an answer haha... guess it's gonna take a lot of time 

[stereksbeta]

24 minutes ago, Zoningout said:

Some say yes some say no 

I say It's impossible to completely "know" without trying, but i do think people can have a good clue. 

With asexuality i think that's another story that's just are you sexually turned on or aren't you? it's basically do you feel attraction and i do believe that can be answered without experience for reasons of we tend to already know that answer and it doesn't take a relationship to figure out if we feel sexual attraction. 

 

But disagree or agree 

it depends on what you think, i can only say my own thoughts.

Thank you for your reply ! I have thought about the sexual attraction part a lot and I can find someone psychically attractive and not want to act on it, ugh I just feel conflicted as hell 

[cijay]

Just tell them to worry about their own sex life.

[Homer]

I think that if an idea doesn't have any appeal to oneself, it's fair to assume that one doesn't want it.

 

There's always a chance of being wrong and standing corrected once you actually get to try something, but that's a risk that fades once you grow older and you get to know yourself better.

[Luftschlosseule]

I never killed a human being and am very sure that I would feel very bad afterwards. Even without trying I know that that's not something I wanna do.

... but feeling conflicted is some part of being human, I guess. Uhm, more in regard to self doubts in general than to killing people.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Same way I know I don't want to put my head in a food blender.

[Four Eyed Lemon]

I say it's more than likely possible to know (maybe not for absolute sure? but well enough). What you can do to test it is to fantasize about things, watch porn, look at attractive women, etc and consider yourself in these situations. It's a pretty good indicator of your possible sexuality without actually seeking out things you may regret.

[Sherlocks]

21 hours ago, dutchlesbian said:

a couple years back i discovered that im gay, now i live in a small town so there are not a lot of people to get into a relationship with. i've never been in a relationship with someone of the same sex but i have done things with someone from the opposite sex. now for a while ive been wonderingen if i might be asexual but i dont know if i can be sure if ive never tried it with my prefered gender. does anyone know if you can be sure about it if you've never tried ??

If you have  preferred gender, that is your sexuality.

[Scott1989]

For me, someone who never had sex, think it's more down to missing signs and not caring that I missed one when revealed is how I know. Also sabotaging friends attempt to definatly get me laid probably help confirm things (though did so cause it didn't feel comfortable to me). Saying that I've never attempted a romantic relationship with another man but I have no appeal to do so either so think that rules that out.

I agree with the theory of trying before saying no, but there are lots of things I don't want to even attempt due to no interest (non sarcastic things like Cricket, Ballet amoung many many others) and sex falls under that.

[stereksbeta]

16 hours ago, Four Eyed Lemon said:

I say it's more than likely possible to know (maybe not for absolute sure? but well enough). What you can do to test it is to fantasize about things, watch porn, look at attractive women, etc and consider yourself in these situations. It's a pretty good indicator of your possible sexuality without actually seeking out things you may regret.

Thank youuuuu this was very helpfull, I'm so glad i joined this website and know what others are going through and that I'm not alone lol. 

[Éadweard]

I tried. But it's up to the individual. 

[Philip027]

Because asexuality isn't about whether or not you like sex.  It's closer to whether or not you feel compelled to pursue it with someone.

[Janus the Fox]

Until for some, that relationship of what they seek fells into place and is genuinely worked on until one is content and happy to be in one then some may never know.  For others being in a relationship some still don't know and stay questioning long term.  For others, finding that you seek in a relationship my answer those questions completely or partially.

 

For me I wasn't seeking a relationship, such just happened with someone of the same sex is enthusiastic enough to become my boyfriend, I'd see how it goes, everything like likes, dislikes, personality's, intellect and circumstances align with our animal spirituality, romantic feelings developed.  There was no attraction of any kind physically and initially repulsive to me until romance developed further, so I know romance is fairly important to me or a relationship to work, I had no desires to seek romance previously, it is not my goal in life, sexual attraction and sexual desire remains non-existent after 4 months together despite having regular sex.  I use sex to my advantage to advance my partners romantic affection and attachment and ill shall see how that goes for how long that continues.

 

So the short of it' I got both sexuality and gender questions both answered.  I'm aware that it is one and only same-sex relationship despite my near 30 years of life, another relationship may feel quite differently.

[null-]

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[MrDane]

Two things!

 

1. If you have never tried to eat aronia-berries and someone tells you, that its a bit like a mix between two other berries, which you already know, then it is easy to make up an idea about the taste. If you dislike the two compared berries, then not much will be lost if you say no to a glass of aronia-juice and it in fact would have pleased you! ...but no one will try that hard to pursuade you since it doesnt matter.

 

2. Sometimes skin contact with a loved one can almost feel magical!