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Moonman

Why are asexuals so against sex and it's place in popular culture?

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Mink_Seragaki   
Mink_Seragaki

Show me a movie, television show, or book where graphic sex scenes are necessary to the plot.  Sex can be necessary, but there is no need to see every body part moving or every body part meeting.  I have yet to see it where it needs to be so graphic in nature in order to convey the importance of the sex.   The other issue is is that it is highly heterosexual in nature when we all know that not everyone is heterosexual in nature. 

 

I generally have no issue with sex being involved in media.  I have issues with the graphic nature and with the hetero-oriented nature of it.

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natalieisasexual   
natalieisasexual

I'm none of those things either, I accept I'm very different to the vast majority of people for being asexual (we make up less than 1% of the population I'm sure I've read as a stat), sex for me is perfectly natural and part of life it's just not something I want to partake in. I don't even mind a bit of crudeness and have laughed many times before at sexual humour, as for sex scenes in films / tv shows never bothered me, there are lots of things I can watch but never want to do. I don't think it's particularly healthy to think otherwise if I'm honest and see sex as this big evil, the world isn't going to change any time soon. 

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doggalogga   
doggalogga

I am not against sex or its place in popular culture.

I love sexual jokes too.

 

I just have no desire to participate in it. Many others here would surely be the same.

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Homer   
Homer
On 07/03/2017 at 2:57 AM, WJMorris3 said:

I don't get it at all. In fact, I as an asexual have been doing my part to remove sex from this earth by trying to get legislation passed to convict males who have sex with anyone with rape, regardless of whether there's consent involved.

What harm is being done if two adults agree on sharing a mutual activity in private? Why should this be illegal? Genuine question.

--

As to the question... I don't think that it's sex itself; it's just an inability to relate. Imagine you have a conversation in your mother tongue and suddenly the other person switches to a language you do not know, assuming that you do know that other language because everyone else does. This can get utterly frustrating at times.

 

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ohdearIzzy   
ohdearIzzy

I'm not against sex at all, in fact I am very sex-positive, I just happen to not want to have sex myself. I don't have any problem with people having sex lives, or with sex in the media, and my only problem with pornography is that it perpetuates unrealistic and unhealthy attitudes to sex, and I find it disturbing that many teenagers first introduction to sex is through such a sqewed and sexist representation.

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crystalheart   
crystalheart
1 hour ago, doggalogga said:

I am not against sex or its place in popular culture.

I love sexual jokes too.

 

I just have no desire to participate in it. Many others here would surely be the same.

More or less in agreement here

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doggalogga   
doggalogga
On 7/3/2017 at 9:57 AM, WJMorris3 said:

In fact, I as an asexual have been doing my part to remove sex from this earth by trying to get legislation passed to convict males who have sex with anyone with rape, regardless of whether there's consent involved.

I hope that's a joke, and nothing more.

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Luftschlosseule   
Luftschlosseule

Since I am just coming from the Game of Thrones thread:
This is a very good example. Game of Thrones, the TV series, is based on the book series A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin. It's low fantasy in a medieval setting, and the plot is basically The king is dead; long live the king! with too many people who want to be king, hence the title game of thrones.

Sex plays a great part in both book and series. You have a woman who tries - and often successes - at seducing every man she can lay her fingers on and then manipulate them to do her bidding, you have marriage alliances which are void until the marriage is consumed (= they had sex) and a great plot line from the starts rests on the possibility of the king's heir being a bastard, which would mean that he is no heir because you'd need blood ties for that.

 

In the book, you have both open described sex scenes and hints like a woman not being able to walk and being very apathetic (not saying sex is bad, rape is), or people who are supposed to be strangers share very long glances. Or a person bursts into a room to find two people naked in bed, but the nudity isn't described any more than that. In the series, at every possibility to show a naked woman you see one, and sex scenes with consent in the books have been turned to violence without obvious reason.

 

When I look at the Magicians, which also is a book series turned into a tv series, I am quite puzzled about the display of nudity in GoT.

Sex is also a theme in the Magicians, which is about magic, addiction, might, emotions. Pain. There is, for example, a scene for a exam in which two people have to share their deepest fears and secrets with each other. They bind each other with rope, and the knots will loose themselves when they've been as open as they can be. This ritual is performed naked, and see the characters undress, but the camera never shows the actors completely. Somewhere between collarbone and breasts is the end, the camera focuses on the actor's faces.

 

You could describe both series to sound very similiar. Book adaptation by a tv channel, fantasy, sex included and important for the plot, nudity on screen.

But what they made from that is so different.

 

To get back to the topic of this thread, I think that people in general tend to speak more about negative examples of sex and nudity in media, and that you are only seeing these negative comments. In some cases, you have valid critic, in some just personal misgiving - I, for example have days on which I simply don't want any sex in the media I consume and choose pickily - but you don't distinguish.

Also, most complaints I hear about sex in media comes from heterosexual cis-women in my surroundings...

And then, this is a place at which you can count on the other's not invalidating your situation if you tell them you're not comfortable with the amount of sex in media. This is a place to vent when needed. So if you stumble upon a person who's ranting about sex in media on AVEN, you should look for if it's a vent or if they're serious about it later on, too.

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mindlife   
mindlife
On 7/2/2017 at 5:38 PM, Moonman said:

I've seen a lot of posts on here ridiculing the use of sex in popular culture and entertainment and I must confess to finding it confusing. ...

 

I guess I'd like to know why asexuals are against the sexualised nature of anything. Why don't you like sex scenes in a movie or television show when, well-placed and well-acted, they can be as important as a killer line of dialogue? Why do you find that perfume commercials offend you when, most of the time, it is sprayed on a person's body before they go clubbing to try and 'pull'?

 

The above may say sound abrasive but I'd like to extend thank you's in advance if somebody takes the time out of their day to give me an answer or two.

Your words are not abrasive at all.  You've asked honest questions, ones that I've asked myself.

I have no idea why I don't like sex scenes and sexual associations.  It is part of my experience, though, that I don't.  

The closest I've come to an explanation is the acceptance of an asexual orientation and identity.

It is a matter not of prudery, but a matter of stasis and a sense of well-being or personal balance.  These discomforts amount to an asexual behavior.  They can't be wished away.

 

 

 

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The_Reluctant_Dragon   
The_Reluctant_Dragon

Not every asexual is annoyed by all the sex in popular culture. If the asexual is sex-repulsed, then yeah, they might go crazy. If someone like me, who is sex-indifferent, we really don't care. If you can include or can't include us, we don't care. If they are sex-favorable, they might like all the sex. The only reason why it gets annoying is because everyone expects you to want and need sex. They expect us to just feel sexual attraction when we just don't.

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FictoVore.   
FictoVore.

I'm sexuaI and pretty into hardcore sex and fetish, but aII the sex on TV reaIIy does annoy the crap out of me when it's IiteraIIy onIy shoved in there for views (ie Game of Thrones which is a poorIy written fanfic of the books, not an adaptation).

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deltaX   
deltaX

To me, the excessive amount of sex that's found in pop culture isn't necessarily offensive, just a bit annoying.  As an asexual person, it sometimes it seems silly to put so much emphasis on sex, even though I know logically that other people don't feel the same way I do.  But for the most part, the emphasis on sex is like society having a huge emphasis on sports if you're not a sports person- a bit annoying since it's not something I'm particularly interested in, but not offensive either.

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Triateyal   
Triateyal

I have no issues with sex in media. I do have issues with the "sex is everything" mentality that I keep running across. If sex is important to you, cool. Keep on with it if that's what makes you happy. But I don't appreciate how many sexuals treat me like dirt because I don't enjoy sex. 

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Sinfre   
Sinfre

You can portray a good story or work without involving sex in it. 

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MrDane   
MrDane

I am sexual, and I know a lot of sexuals who are also against the massive focus on sex in popular culture. It is a bit like trying to add chili to everything just to make it better or to conceal something.

 

as a teacher and a father of girls, I worry a lot about how the constant focus on "being sexy" can put a strain on the trip towards adulthood. As @Sinfre said, you can tell a good story without involving sex. You can be a good singer without a tight sexy body and a beautiful face, but to be succesful, both are required. "You would like a singing career, better start saving money for a boob-job"

 

sex is very important to me, and it does feel like a natural, next level of feeling/showing love. But I hate the fact, that it is so difficult to separate when it is just a bodily need and when it is intertwined with love. Sex brings me joy and I like being sexual, but i do understand those who are a bit tired of sex.

 

i know many women, who says no to things, because it involves a risk of failing due to the fact that they "lost their sexyness" since they are no longer fit and tigth. No thanks to beach trips. (Not having a bikini body) and at this point a lot of young men also grow up to feel the same.  

 

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Laplace   
Laplace

While I get exasperated with sex in culture and society, it's more of a personal annoyance rather than some sort of crusade against sex in general. I just don't really find it all that entertaining to talk about and it's obnoxious when it's shoved in my face like it's something I'm supposed to like unconditionally. And, like with internet memes, it gets stale real fast when it's used as the butt of every joke. I got no issues with others enjoying it and stuff, I just vent about how it annoys me on occasion.

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Just like Jughead   
Just like Jughead

I love pop culture. All of my friends have sex. Why would I have a problem with it? Just because it's not my thing doesn't mean I'm stupid enough to think everyone should be like me. 

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BionicPi   
BionicPi
On 02/07/2017 at 6:38 PM, Moonman said:

I've seen a lot of posts on here ridiculing the use of sex in popular culture and entertainment and I must confess to finding it confusing. Nothing about the sexualised nature of western culture offends me, I find sex, pornography especially, to be unsettling but I understand that the majority of the world's population is having sex because they've always authentically desired it. it's a prominent part of people's personal lives, to some it's the number one factor in a relationship and is just as important as the food they eat, the company they keep and the coffee they drink. 

 

I guess I'd like to know why asexuals are against the sexualised nature of anything. Why don't you like sex scenes in a movie or television show when, well-placed and well-acted, they can be as important as a killer line of dialogue? Why do you find that perfume commercials offend you when, most of the time, it is sprayed on a person's body before they go clubbing to try and 'pull'?

 

The above may say sound abrasive but I'd like to extend thank you's in advance if somebody takes the time out of their day to give me an answer or two.

Honestly half the time I suppose I miss the build up, and most of them just seem unnecessary and awkward.

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dragon_nerd   
dragon_nerd

I find that the fact that I'm sex averse/repulsed is a larger factor in my dislike of unnessisary sex scenes. Feeling physicly naushus (in some cases, normally it's a milder reaction) is a pretty big turn off but it hasn't got anything to do with being ace.

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Nowhere Girl   
Nowhere Girl
On 3.07.2017 at 1:05 AM, Pramana said:

However, I would say that some of the behaviour that sexuality motivates is bad. There's the obvious example of sexual assault.

But is sexual assault really about sex or perhaps about POWER? In some cases it's not really motivated by sexual desire, rather by negative feelings and the desire to "get even" on someone.

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Darth Tribble   
Darth Tribble

I get that sexuality is an integral part of the human race, but I do think it is getting ridiculous given that there are 7 billion people on this planet and no sign of slowing down, yet my parents are still pushing me to have kids so my dad's line won't die out.

 

 

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krystal_muzik   
krystal_muzik

I just find it boring and gross TBH. Sex is a natural part of most people's lives. I can accept that. But so is pooping. And I find potty humor dull and boring after awhile. 

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Deus Ex Infinity   
Deus Ex Infinity
On 3.7.2017 at 0:52 AM, Ciri said:

We aren't as a rule. 

 

Im personally sex favourable and enjoy having sex. I just wouldn't naturally want to seek it out. 

 

 

 

Quote

I generally have no issue with sex being involved in media.  I have issues with the graphic nature and with the hetero-oriented nature of it.

Totally agreed

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Nani96   
Nani96

In my case, I'm just fed up. You know when you eat always the same thing and after a while you just can't stand it anymore? Imagine not liking broccoli and someone serving you broccoli every. single. day.

 

Sex has become just another product to sell, another kind of entertainment, and I'm tired of being bombarded by sexual content.

 

I've met people who talk only about sex, all the time, or people whose humour is all about sexual ambiguity.

 

It's annoying.

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chair jockey   
chair jockey

@Moonman you appear to be misinformed.

 

The reason sex is such a big part of popular culture is sales and marketing. The real lives of most adults are not particularly sexual. The average adult spends approximately 0.2% of their waking time having sex. Even when two horny adults are deeply in love, if their relationship lasts for any substantial length of time, they settle into having sex maybe three times a week, for less than an hour each time, and spend a far, FAR larger portion of their time together in simple conversation. But sex sells, and the scumbags who do sales and marketing use sex to sell products and services. That makes popular culture far more sexualized than the real lives of adults are. Just being 30 years old with a few years of career and a spouse makes this obvious to people in a way that isn't publicly discussed because discussing it publicly would reduce sales of products and services.

 

My personal objection to things like the obligatory sex scene in every movie is the deceitful manipulativeness involved. Granted that deceitful manipulation is accepted as a normal part of everyday life these days, and few people even get upset by it any longer, but I'm from another generation when treating people fairly was still valued and we were supposed to aspire to integrity. That's why I don't like the fact that music and movies are just glorified commercials used to sell products and services, and TV shows are just a way to induce people to watch commercials. It's deceitfully manipulative, and that rubs me the wrong way. The use of sex to induce people to spend money on products and services that are not in the least bit sexual is part of that whole package.

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JDP   
JDP
2 hours ago, chair jockey said:

@Moonman you appear to be misinformed.

 

The reason sex is such a big part of popular culture is sales and marketing. The real lives of most adults are not particularly sexual. The average adult spends approximately 0.2% of their waking time having sex. Even when two horny adults are deeply in love, if their relationship lasts for any substantial length of time, they settle into having sex maybe three times a week, for less than an hour each time, and spend a far, FAR larger portion of their time together in simple conversation. But sex sells, and the scumbags who do sales and marketing use sex to sell products and services. That makes popular culture far more sexualized than the real lives of adults are. Just being 30 years old with a few years of career and a spouse makes this obvious to people in a way that isn't publicly discussed because discussing it publicly would reduce sales of products and services.

 

My personal objection to things like the obligatory sex scene in every movie is the deceitful manipulativeness involved. Granted that deceitful manipulation is accepted as a normal part of everyday life these days, and few people even get upset by it any longer, but I'm from another generation when treating people fairly was still valued and we were supposed to aspire to integrity. That's why I don't like the fact that music and movies are just glorified commercials used to sell products and services, and TV shows are just a way to induce people to watch commercials. It's deceitfully manipulative, and that rubs me the wrong way. The use of sex to induce people to spend money on products and services that are not in the least bit sexual is part of that whole package.

It does work, however.

 

Sales, marketing and media are about giving the consumer what he wants.

 

He isn't strapped to a chair, forced to experience something he doesn't want.

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chair jockey   
chair jockey
2 hours ago, asexjoe said:

It does work, however.

 

Sales, marketing and media are about giving the consumer what he wants.

 

He isn't strapped to a chair, forced to experience something he doesn't want.

Nineteenth-century Liberalism doesn't work in the real world. I got tired of trying to explain that to Libertarians a long time ago.

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BionicPi   
BionicPi
2 minutes ago, chair jockey said:

Nineteenth-century Liberalism doesn't work in the real world. I got tired of trying to explain that to Libertarians a long time ago.

Laissez-faire?

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JDP   
JDP
3 minutes ago, chair jockey said:

Nineteenth-century Liberalism doesn't work in the real world. I got tired of trying to explain that to Libertarians a long time ago.

Of course it works. Everyone benefits.

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BionicPi   
BionicPi
55 minutes ago, asexjoe said:

Of course it works. Everyone benefits.

Laissez-Faire?

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