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Moonman

Why are asexuals so against sex and it's place in popular culture?

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Moonman   
Moonman

I've seen a lot of posts on here ridiculing the use of sex in popular culture and entertainment and I must confess to finding it confusing. Nothing about the sexualised nature of western culture offends me, I find sex, pornography especially, to be unsettling but I understand that the majority of the world's population is having sex because they've always authentically desired it. it's a prominent part of people's personal lives, to some it's the number one factor in a relationship and is just as important as the food they eat, the company they keep and the coffee they drink. 

 

I guess I'd like to know why asexuals are against the sexualised nature of anything. Why don't you like sex scenes in a movie or television show when, well-placed and well-acted, they can be as important as a killer line of dialogue? Why do you find that perfume commercials offend you when, most of the time, it is sprayed on a person's body before they go clubbing to try and 'pull'?

 

The above may say sound abrasive but I'd like to extend thank you's in advance if somebody takes the time out of their day to give me an answer or two.

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Ciri   
Ciri

We aren't as a rule. 

 

Im personally sex favourable and enjoy having sex. I just wouldn't naturally want to seek it out. 

 

 

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PostHuman   
PostHuman

At times I would be more offended by the sexist nature of an add that happens to be sexual as well.

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ShyFeather   
ShyFeather

I'm not against sex and references to sex in the media we consume. It's a part of most people's life and it would be silly to ignore it. What I am tired of is when things are so over saturated with sex that there isn't much room for anything else. Why does a show need 3 sex scenes in one episode when it's not even relevant to the plot? Why are 90% of pop songs on the radio love songs that more often than not mention sex? It can get way out of hand, and allosexuals get frustrated with it as well. It probably wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't shoved down our throats every second. 

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Jade Cross   
Jade Cross

Well, mostly its a sort of reactive attitude usually brought up as a result of the years many aces go through of being ridiculed themselves for the way they are.

 

If all you hear during a large portion of life (especially during the formative years) is "SEX ,SEX, SEX" and "you must be sick, retarded, gay (not the happy nor homosexual type), a pussy, etc for not liking it, then a negative, almost explosive reaction is bound to be born. Its no different than any other ideal people relentlessly push onto others. 

 

 

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Pramana   
Pramana

I'm sex-neutral. I don't perceive sexuality to be a a good thing or a bad thing in itself. However, I would say that some of the behaviour that sexuality motivates is bad. There's the obvious example of sexual assault. There's also a tendency for people to misrepresent their intentions when they care more about sex than they do for the other person in a relationship.

I don't have a problem with sex scenes in fiction when they're well-paced and well-acted and integral to the plot. However, often sex scenes are gratuitous and used as a cheap way to get attention (HBO, in particular, is known to stoop to near pornographic levels in what otherwise purports to be premium programming). As for pornography, I find that much of it promotes abusive attitudes towards women.

Overall, I don't have a problem with sexuality per se, but I find that our culture is oversexualized and that we should be more critical of human sexuality.

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fuzzipueo   
fuzzipueo
19 minutes ago, Moonman said:

I guess I'd like to know why asexuals are against the sexualised nature of anything. Why don't you like sex scenes in a movie or television show when, well-placed and well-acted, they can be as important as a killer line of dialogue? Why do you find that perfume commercials offend you when, most of the time, it is sprayed on a person's body before they go clubbing to try and 'pull'?

Because it is all pervasive and invasive and really difficult to avoid at times. Also, there are (often) times when it isn't well placed or well acted in a show or movie and it seems more opportunistic than a natural outgrowth of a character arc or part of the overall plot. Then there are the times it really, really makes no sense for sex to be in a commercial. I give you the Hardy's/Carl's Junior ads ... what sex and raunchiness have to do with the selling of hamburgers, I don't know, but they are a real turnoff.

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Count Maksula   
Count Maksula

I'm more annoyed that when a perfume ad pops up my family looks at me as the male child and want to see my reaction. What do they even want to fucking see? Are my parents and sister really trying to see whether I'd be aroused by that bs? Are you kidding me? That sounds wrong...

 

Anyway. I get annoyed by ads that are, for example, selling tools to fix stuff and to make sure the male gaze keeps an eye on the ad they have a super sexy lady handling the tools... it's just... not... ... It makes me uncomfortable, though it is more because of the sexism involved...

 

I'm not against sex in movies, TV shows, and books per se, though I could usually do without, there usually isn't much happening during those scenes except for boinking anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ We should all remember that people generalise a lot as well, so the idea that all sex in media is bad is just a giant generalisation.

 

And honestly the prevalence of sex in all media amuses me a lot lol

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miau   
miau
5 minutes ago, fuzzipueo said:

Because it is all pervasive and invasive and really difficult to avoid at times. Also, there are (often) times when it isn't well placed or well acted in a show or movie and it seems more opportunistic than a natural outgrowth of a character arc or part of the overall plot. Then there are the times it really, really makes no sense for sex to be in a commercial. I give you the Hardy's/Carl's Junior ads ... what sex and raunchiness have to do with the selling of hamburgers, I don't know, but they are a real turnoff.

I had never seen the ads you mentioned and felt compelled to see what it is about. I just had to stop midway into the second commercial. Turn-off is not a strong enough expression. And I just spent the whole afternoon (and throughout dinner) watching documentaries about serial killers, so you can say I am not squeamish.

Anyway, honestly, I would prefer watching porn - at least there the sex is completely acceptable, because it IS all about sex. But shoving sex in people's faces while trying to sell them something completely unrelated to sex is just disgusting. Freaking hamburgers! There has never been and never will be anything even remotely sexy about a hamburger!

Ugh! I was having thoughts and everything on the subject that I wanted to share, but now I think I'll go cool down a little and return to this thread when I am capable of being rational and don't feel like either throwing up or going on a verbal rampage.

 

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SHOOOKOH   
SHOOOKOH

I'm a sex positive but neutral sort of person. For me the sexualization of things in media is frustrating due to the fact it shows how primitive we humans still tend to be. 

 

As many know, prostitution is dubbed 'the oldest profession in the world'; it usually is paired with 'sex sells'. While these things are very true--unfortunately, in my opinion--I think everyone at one point in their lives or another, sexual or not, wondered why everything in media is oriented in the favor of sex appeal. Every time I hear those cliches it never comes out with a tone of positivity no matter who I hear it from. 

 

I reference this because it seems like many people can tell this kind of thing is pushed into our faces on a daily basis. Even when it was hard to do so on let's say TV back in the day (1940s,1950s,1960s) for example it still managed to sneak on in. As an asexual who is not against sex, I find it annoying and to me makes the creators of such things like sexualized ads seem like they underestimate the intended audience's intelligence. 

 

I truly think the underlying animosity towards it is that subconsciously we all know this kind of attention-gathering though effective, is primitive and outdated. This is merely my opinion, though hahahaha

 

I'm all for expression of all ideas whether they're extremely sexual to sell things or not. It just with 'freedom of speech' being a thing you'd think that freedom would entail variety but apparently not. This to me is rather unfortunate. 

 

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KendraPM   
KendraPM

I personally have zero issues with the amount of sex portrayed in media as long as it make sense in context. I usually find sex scenes uncomfortable, not one-hundred percent sure why, but I consider myself outside of the norm on that. So overall even sex scenes that make me uncomfortable I don't feel like they shouldn't be there. I guess for me the bottom line is whether media does it's job. If it does, than whatever they use to do it, even if I don't understand or like it, is justified.

 

As for perfume ads, they are just weird whether they have sex or not. Actually, they are probably less weird if they have sex in them because then it's at least not someone walking on water in a fancy dress while wild horses run in the background and just...what they hell does that have to do with a beauty product!?

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poindexter   
poindexter

Personally, I struggle to think of a time I've seen a sex scene in a TV show and thought "wow, this is so much more fun to watch than them exchanging some killer dialogue". Any examples? I agree they're not all terrible, but I can at least understand why people think that there is too much of it on TV. It's far from an asexual-only issue - many sexuals have problems with the way sex is portrayed in pop-culture for varying reasons.

 

I've never felt particular antipathy towards perfume commercials, I mean, the point of perfume is to make you smell nice to appear more attractive. It's more when it's used unnecessarily that it get's annoying. But... I don't think perfume commercials are a common peeve amongst asexuals.

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TessaMe   
TessaMe

In the media it mostly just bugs me when I feel it's either interrupting the story or makes no sense.  I can't remember the movie I'm thinking of, but it was early in the film, the characters barely just met each other and the next scene they were bouncing around in bed.  "Whaaaaat?!  Why?!" I said.  Sex was clearly being used for the sake of having a sex scene.  However, I've read books and seen movies where it makes sense and is, as you mentioned, an important plot point.  I actually appreciate properly used scenes like this because I really get into my characters and I like to see them deepen an already developed connection.  I will say, I prefer subtlety, though.  

 

What really bothered me most when I was younger was how my peers seemed to think everything alluded to sex.  I was an art major, so you can imagine.  Not everything is symbolic of genitalia!

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WJMorris3   
WJMorris3

I don't get it at all. In fact, I as an asexual have been doing my part to remove sex from this earth by trying to get legislation passed to convict males who have sex with anyone with rape, regardless of whether there's consent involved.

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Rhaenys   
Rhaenys
55 minutes ago, Moonman said:

 

 

I guess I'd like to know why asexuals are against the sexualised nature of anything. Why don't you like sex scenes in a movie or television show when, well-placed and well-acted, they can be as important as a killer line of dialogue? Why do you find that perfume commercials offend you when, most of the time, it is sprayed on a person's body before they go clubbing to try and 'pull'?

 

 

Well I learnt something. Didn't know they sprayed perfume on asses and other lower intimate body regions that's usually hidden to go clubbing but exposed in those commercials. kruemelmonster.gif

 

Simple Answer: Because asexuals can and are free to like and dislike what they want without owing you an explanation because not all think like you do. 

 

Long Answer:  We live in a world where sex is shoved down our throats. We're told sex is normal and our way of living is unnatural. We have next to no good representation and in the media we get erased. We have to fight an uphill battle for representation and for people to take us seriously while ppl and their "sex" narratives keep pushing us back down. Obviously this is going to frustrate some aces who want to be seen as normal. We've been erased from Riverdale, House and that Sherlock guy said we are boring to write about.

 

Sometimes it's forced and ridiculous in a cheap appeal to the masses. A lot of times it has no place in the plots *cough majority of the stuff on HBO*  but it's there.

 

You may not know but sex aversive people exist believe it or not  kruemelmonster.gif. Their feelings of discomfort are valid. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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NerotheReaper   
NerotheReaper

I don't have an issue with it being talked about, and portrayed in media and culture. Sex is natural it is kind of how we all got here. I just have a problem when people treat if you aren't sexually active you are broken and you need to be 'fixed'. So it is not the idea that I don't like, I just don't like the mindset of some people. 

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Sleepy Skeleton   
Sleepy Skeleton

I don't have a problem with sex in pop culture when it makes sense. The problem starts when it doesn't contribute to the plot in any way.

 

I started watching a new TV series recently, and while I knew it had this kind of content in it, I decided to watch it anyway. THE VERY FIRST SCENE, without knowing any of the characters, their names, or their personalities, had sex in it. I turned it off right there because it I wasn't interested any longer. It's not the first time, either.

 

I'm not a sex-negative person. I read erotica all the time, but the difference in here is that all of the stories I read are either straight-up porn without plot, or a story with a plot that contains sex only relevant to the story. I just don't like it when the lines are blurred too much.

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prib23   
prib23

We aren't "against" sex. We just don't pursue it or put much if any "need" to it. Sex scenes in entertainment isn't offensive to many Aces we never said they were. Many sexuals lament the oversexualization of pop culture. Perhaps if there was less sex embedded into every nook and cranny people would view it with some mystique again ?

Maybe I'm asexual because I have tried sex as a snake oil potion that didn't bring me all the hyped up high it promised ?  

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J. Alfred Prufrock   
J. Alfred Prufrock

I am against the word "it's" and its place in your title.

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fuzzipueo   
fuzzipueo

Another thing about sex in TV series especially: it tends to make an appearance at ratings times just to ramp up the "drama", usually at the end of the season so as to leave viewers with a cliff hanger and the fall out is dealt with the next season. Sometimes, it happens between characters who ignored each other for most of the season prior.

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oval   
oval

I am not against farting. And fart humor in popular culture can be amusing, even hilarious.

But if there were tons of portrayals of farting in popular cultural, I would find it pretty boring.

 

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Curlz   
Curlz

For me personally, it's not that I'm against it even though it can make me uncomfortable. It's usually the sexist nature of many ads and sex scenes in shows and movies, as well as what others have said before me: because there's so much SEX SEX SEX everywhere in our culture, it makes us feel like we're wrong somehow when we're not. As a pre teen/early teen I felt pretty confused when this sex-inundated culture was telling me I should be feeling all these things that I just wasn't; I felt like I was missing something until I found the ace community. I also think, as a community, we like to make jokes about how absurd we find sexual stuff sometimes:lol:

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Ciri   
Ciri

The only perfume ad I've ever been bothered by was Dakota Fannings Oh LaLa advert. This was banned for being to provocative and sexualiasin Dakota, who was underage at the time. 

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Sherlocks   
Sherlocks
9 hours ago, Moonman said:

I've seen a lot of posts on here ridiculing the use of sex in popular culture and entertainment and I must confess to finding it confusing. Nothing about the sexualised nature of western culture offends me, I find sex, pornography especially, to be unsettling but I understand that the majority of the world's population is having sex because they've always authentically desired it. it's a prominent part of people's personal lives, to some it's the number one factor in a relationship and is just as important as the food they eat, the company they keep and the coffee they drink. 

 

I guess I'd like to know why asexuals are against the sexualised nature of anything. Why don't you like sex scenes in a movie or television show when, well-placed and well-acted, they can be as important as a killer line of dialogue? Why do you find that perfume commercials offend you when, most of the time, it is sprayed on a person's body before they go clubbing to try and 'pull'?

 

The above may say sound abrasive but I'd like to extend thank you's in advance if somebody takes the time out of their day to give me an answer or two.

I am personally not and this seems like an odd assumption to be making of an entire community like that. I personally read a lot of romantic material so clearly I have no problems with sexual/romantic things in fictional media. However the idea everyone needs to be having sex is annoying. Everything seems to come down to sex. As a child things are simple anyone can hang out with anyone. As an adult everyone thinks you are trying to get in their pants or at least pressuring you to attempt it. People cant simply be kind to each other, and if you do anything out of simple kindness people tend to think you might just be a little slow. Since showing any genuine kindness towards someone you are not now screwing or planning to screw is the mindset of a ignorant child.

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drjohnhwatson   
drjohnhwatson

It just seems to me to be...awkward in a lot of instances.  Like, it doesn't add anything to the show or movie.  If the show revolves around two people slowly falling in love, or if the plot is dedicated at least in some part to a couple, and then they have sex, I don't really mind it.

 

But whenever you turn on a show and it cuts from a scene of a meeting to two random characters, who may never have even been introduced, having wild sex, then I get annoyed.  Especially the more over-the-top it is, like a man kissing a woman on the neck and she's screaming and moaning--come on.

 

Another problem I have is whenever sex is used in commercials, which people have mentioned.  Yes, yes, sex sells, and for some stuff it's completely appropriate or makes sense.  Condom ads, lube ads, vibrator ads, etc.  Sure.  Even perfume makes sense, in a way.  Dita Von Teese stripping, bending, wearing sexy clothing and pouring water all over her chest, running a finger across her breasts and then sticking it in her mouth to sell.......sparkling water?  Not so much.

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Anthracite_Impreza   
Anthracite_Impreza

Because it's thrown into the most inappropriate scenes and narratives to pander to the obviously bestial public who can't resist something advertised by copulation. /sarcasm

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Gloomy   
Gloomy

I just believe there's a time and place for everything, and when even food commercials involve sex think that's kind of weird and unnecessary. 

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aylias   
aylias

I don't get offended at sex in media, but it is kind of exhausting to deal with how ubiquitous it is.  When a movie comes out that doesn't shoehorn main characters into having sexual attraction/sex, it is immensely refreshing.  Favorite examples: Dredd, Mad Max: Fury Road, Pacific Rim

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Bob.in.maine   
Bob.in.maine
9 minutes ago, aylias said:

I don't get offended at sex in media, but it is kind of exhausting to deal with how ubiquitous it is.  When a movie comes out that doesn't shoehorn main characters into having sexual attraction/sex, it is immensely refreshing.  Favorite examples: Dredd, Mad Max: Fury Road, Pacific Rim

That was the only "refreshing" part of the new Mad Max movie, but it was my favorite element to the plot.  I picked up on it early on and was pleased at the complete lack of sexual tension.  

 

I watch porn sometimes.  Over the years it has morphed into more like a nature TV documentary thing.  Maybe I desensitized myself as a psychological defense?People are really weird, and I like freaky more than ordinary.  I find sex scenes in movies  uncomfortable if there is anyone else watching apparently.  lol.  I don't notice that I feel any differently (and certainly not aroused :huh:8)) and the person sitting next to me always asks if I'm uncomfortable.  Maybe my face turns red?  I can  f-ing guarantee it does right after someone asks me if I'm uncomfortable watching a scene in an R rated movie...  

 

 

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divided_sky   
divided_sky
18 hours ago, WJMorris3 said:

I don't get it at all. In fact, I as an asexual have been doing my part to remove sex from this earth by trying to get legislation passed to convict males who have sex with anyone with rape, regardless of whether there's consent involved.

So you are coming out in opposition of rape? Bold stand, man. Best of luck on cleansing humanity of sexuality

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