Changing the view

[Guest]

On 10/07/2017 at 1:34 PM, Max Payne said:

If she has a to do list for you, then start demanding stuff in return , stop the "white knight act" and do something be aggressive. Your a man aren't you?

One doesn't have to be aggressive to be a man. I'm sexual and I actually find the 'aggressive' act very unmanly and pathetic, personally. As soon as man is demanding or expecting sex from me, I am more turned off than I would be if he threw up in front of me. I want my man to do things for me because he loves me and wants me to be happy without expectation of a 'return' favour.. that's how he will get more sex than he can handle. And I'll always do things for him because I love him and want him to be happy, not becauase I have any expectation of return favours. I get actual pleasure out of doing things for the person I love, like cooking and doing their laundry etc. They need to feel the same for me or our relationship isn't compatible regardless of whether or not sex is happening.

 

He'll be sleeping on the couch soon as he *expects* me to give him sex, for any reason.

 

(Edit; that wasn't in regards to your situation MrDane, it was just a response to the assumption by Max Payne that someone has to be aggressive and demanding to be a 'man')

[NoLongerActive1234]

On 26 juli 2017 at 11:01 AM, EMCginger said:

Hi Mr Dane, 

I have been feeling a tremendous amount of anxiety. 2 years into my marriage, my husband has shared with me that he does not enjoy or get excited about sex. The thought of never having sex or enjoying foreplay terrifies me. I don't only feel loss, I feel terror. I am scared I won't be happy longterm. I don't know if I can do this.... I am embarrassed to talk to my girlfriends.  I have not been sleeping and have noticed some early signs of mild depression. I can't imagine getting a divorce because I do love him and yet, I worry I will be unhappy in the long term. Thank you for reaching out!

I don't know if you wish for others to give advice as well but have you talked to your husband about it more in depth since? It all must be a big shock for you. He hadn't indicated or said this at all in the past?

Before any conclusions can be made you probably have to talk it out more. See what he says, what does he want to do? Are there ways for him to compromise and could you be fine with that? Let him know what you need from a relationship. Whatever happens it's going to be alright.  Let yourself have time to process this. No decisions has to happen right away about the future and all is not lost! You have time to figure this out together.