Max Payne Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 I really don't know what to do. Both sides of my family have been pushing me to find a women already. I keep telling them I want to have a established and stable life before making any big decisions on life. I'm still in college have a temporary seasonal p[art time job till college break is over. Can't find a job in my field of study without a bachelor's degree and above. Been trying to find a intern position anywhere that is available. It's almost at the point where their trying to sign me up for random dating websites. any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Man of the Stoa Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 Obviously, the ideal is just coming out to them, but I'm sure since you're posting here then that probably seems like a bad option. That being said, it might not be as bad as the expectation you've built in your mind. As an alternative, you could try to find more work. During the breaks between college, I would work a full time job and two or three part times- before I came out to her, my mother would blame this for my lack of a love life. Seeming busy in general tends to help keep most people from asking why you aren't dating. However, with parents specifically, I would expect them to tell you to drop a hobby or hang out with friends less and focus on dating if they've been so persistent. While they may do that with a job as well, work tends to be more permanent to people, and it certainly strengthens you saying you want to have more stability before finding someone. If coming out won't work and the extra workload sounds too stressful, you might also consider hanging out with a female friend more often. This could also be disastrous, though, so make sure she isn't interested in you and that you don't do anything even vaguely romantic with her that might lead her on. People may just assume you're in a relationship, or getting ready to enter one, and even if both of you deny it people will still assume. Warning on this one, I've never done this as a plan, just had people do the assuming later, so if you try this and it all goes horribly wrong, consider yourself warned. Finally, if none of those work, you could always murder your parents. Killing isn't wrong so long as you eat your kill afterwards. Again, I haven't tried this personally, so it may have repercussions down the line that I haven't considered. That seems unlikely, though, as my advice is always spot on, regardless of my previous experience with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Err, tell them to mind their own business? Or to piss off, either works. Link to post Share on other sites
gner0 Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 LET ME TELL YOU, I did the whole dating to appease my family thing. It did NOT go well. Lol, seriously though, I did because I felt bad and felt I should just do it to get them off my back but it was just awkward. I had to go on these dates and they were creepy and suggestive and it was so uncomfortable. But I think the worst part is when they reference back to it as part of my love life. I honestly hated it so much and wish I never did it, but I can't erase that past. All I can do is learn and remind myself I have to live with my decisions, not my family. I have to be confident in my choices and if I want to be alone that's fine. My family can say whatever they want to me but I'd rather take that from them and never go on a dating site again in my life than stop their bantering by giving in. Hope this helps and I wish you luck. It's so hard when we value our family's opinion of us but it just doesn't go with who we are. Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Stop trying to explain to them. Tell them you're living your life on your own schedule, and that you'll start dating when a) You have a mind to do so, or b) You run into a person that piques your interest. But don't give reasons for a), they'll never accept them anyway. I'm with Anthracite_Impreza on this one, only slightly more polite :-) Link to post Share on other sites
mindlife Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 Your intuition here is correct. Stabilize your life first. And, perhaps if you are fortunate, someone else will be the next to last or last part of that process. Chin up. Link to post Share on other sites
Max Payne Posted July 2, 2017 Author Share Posted July 2, 2017 On 6/30/2017 at 8:44 PM, gner0 said: LET ME TELL YOU, I did the whole dating to appease my family thing. It did NOT go well. Lol, seriously though, I did because I felt bad and felt I should just do it to get them off my back but it was just awkward. I had to go on these dates and they were creepy and suggestive and it was so uncomfortable. But I think the worst part is when they reference back to it as part of my love life. I honestly hated it so much and wish I never did it, but I can't erase that past. All I can do is learn and remind myself I have to live with my decisions, not my family. I have to be confident in my choices and if I want to be alone that's fine. My family can say whatever they want to me but I'd rather take that from them and never go on a dating site again in my life than stop their bantering by giving in. Hope this helps and I wish you luck. It's so hard when we value our family's opinion of us but it just doesn't go with who we are. Thanks, you have given the best advice based off experience. In the mean time I have plenty of stuff to do on my bucket list. One of those includes streaking at a busy shopping mall Link to post Share on other sites
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