Nathan Dearth Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 I'm curious to know if there are some perks to being asexual. Maybe some ways in which you view the world differently. Maybe some daily problems that sexual people have to face that you're able to avoid. Or anything else you can think of. One benefit I can think of is that, even though I think sexual desire is a good thing, I do think it can complicate relationships an awful lot and I tend to see it, bluntly speaking, as a trick our genes pull on us to get us to procreate. I think the real love can be found in platonic relationships, and so perhaps this is an area where asexuals are uniquely gifted to benefit from. But I'd love to hear some thoughts on this. What makes you pleased to be asexual? 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 - that I don't feel that need to have sex, I sometimes see people so frustrated about not having sex that they have an emotional breakdown due to it. - no risk of getting pregnant by accident or STDs since I don't have sex. The other things I think I better keep to myself since it would make me sound like an asshole. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kathleenah Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 This is hard. For me there isn't much to like... I suppose not stressing about contraception/ control for getting pregnant is a plus! And also not worrying about my weight, people only see me with clothes on and its not so bad 😅 I think if I was sexual I would be very stressed about that. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Decaf Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 I'm not sure if there's anything I like about being asexual per se, but I do like knowing I'm asexual, compared to decades of thinking I was broken or ill or a weirdo. 16 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
swirl_of_blue Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 I'm certainly glad I don't feel sexual desire! It once come up among my friends that it's been over four years since I've last had sex and that I'm perfectly happy with that. Everyone else said they wouldn't know how they could go without for so long, especially the males. Even those who were single said that even half a year without some kind of partnered sexual activity would be torture! And of course there is the obvious benefit of not needing birth control (which has a small chance of failing and is still not cheap) and not having to worry about STDs (which also cannot be 100% avoided if engaged in any sort of partnered sexual activity). What I don't like is the difficulty of finding a partner, and I hope that I'll turn out to be demisexual once I find someome I bond with strong enough (I suspect this might be the case), as finding someone I like is hard enough without taking into account their sexual orientation. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gner0 Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 Let me see if I can find some positives to being asexual. First, I save money by not buying sexy wear or going to dance clubs. Also, I save my computer from getting a ton of viruses or getting a talk from my parents because of porn. I never have to worry about scheduling speed dating or creepers on okcupid stalking me. Let's see, I get to have cake as a symbol and my orientation's color is PURPLE AND BLACK. I don't have to worry about creating the sexiest romantic date for anniversaries and Valentine's day. I get to squish instead of crush. Yoga pants are usually worn only for yoga, which I don't do so I save money not buying them. I don't have to worry about commercials on the radio since I don't listen to songs with lyrics because of their sexual content anymore and just listen to kidzbop. On a serious note, there isn't terribly much to be celebrated about being ace. But there's nothing to be ashamed about. One great thing is that we get this community and awesome people who bring up topics about relationships and how important sex really is for all kinds of people sexual or not. 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kani Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 Like Messen pointed out, safest sex is no sex and don't have to worry about getting laid. Also: Good percentage of ads sell stuff with sex If I'm really bored I can try to imagine how sexual attraction works No pressure to look "fuckable" (pardon my french) Don't have to worry about looking like a slut if I don't date the people I'd have sex with (since I'd still be aro) Going to bars is risky, never mind going alone and walking home late at night (or early in the morning) I save quite a bit of money 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nathan Dearth Posted June 30, 2017 Author Share Posted June 30, 2017 I hadn't thought about adverts, that's a good point! Asexuals must be advertisers worst nightmare! And no viruses on your computer, lol! That's very true too. For me, since I really started looking into celibacy, I've begun to see asexuals as incredibly lucky. Many great minds and religions throughout history have considered celibacy a higher calling and I think there's good reason for this. I think platonic love is the highest form and asexuals are a witness to the world that life is not all about sex. Erotic love may be the highest pleasure, but being the highest pleasure doesn't make it the highest good. Erotic love is powerful and it generally stops people from thinking rationally, another landmine that asexuals avoid. People do crazy things when enamoured and tie themselves into all kinds of binds that they later regret. For me I think the greatest human desire is for connection and there are a spectrum of ways that we can satisfy this. On one end of the spectrum are the highly pleasurable, fast burning, short terms ways of connecting, that come with great risk and instability, of which sex is the quintessential example. But on the other end of the spectrum are the deeper, longer-lasting, more stable and meaningful ways of connection, such as seeing each other beyond the physical, and connecting with humanity in general through music and art, and then connecting to the transcendent through nature or through learning about the nature of wisdom and the way the world works. I feel like asexuals have perhaps been gifted a privileged opportunity to journey to the deeper side of the spectrum unencumbered by the distractions of the shallower side, and to remind the world that there are more important things in life. 10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GLRDT Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 4 hours ago, Nathan Dearth said: I'm curious to know if there are some perks to being asexual. Maybe some ways in which you view the world differently. Maybe some daily problems that sexual people have to face that you're able to avoid. Or anything else you can think of. One benefit I can think of is that, even though I think sexual desire is a good thing, I do think it can complicate relationships an awful lot and I tend to see it, bluntly speaking, as a trick our genes pull on us to get us to procreate. I think the real love can be found in platonic relationships, and so perhaps this is an area where asexuals are uniquely gifted to benefit from. But I'd love to hear some thoughts on this. What makes you pleased to be asexual? Great question that I hadn't thought about yet. Thank you for asking it. Sadly, at this time, I can't think of positives. Like someone else said, I feel like I can accept myself better now, but my relationships would actually be a lot easier if I had more of a libido and sexual attraction. All of the relationships I've been in except two ended because of a mismatch in sexual compatibility. I went through a lot of trouble growing up struggling to figure out what sexual attraction feels like for me and unfortunately, had to find out through many partners I cared deeply about and they would often say I was leading them on when I was just trying to figure out how relationships work and why I felt "broken". So I see what you mean on how being asexual might simplify a relationship or give you the opportunity to focus on other things, but in my experience, it has been the only factor that doesn't match up to my partner and has ended or caused difficulties in many of my relationships. On a positive note, I do want strong emotional connections with everyone in any relationship and with my SO, I want emotional and romantic. The thing is I'm not sure if that's because of my natural personality or because I'm gray asexual. Oh and now that I think about it! My best friend and I have one of those relationships that is more than friends and less than significant other status. I like finding out there are different kinds of love and if being gray asexual allows me to have this amazing relationship with my best friend, then that makes me very happy! Thanks for the question! 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gloomy Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 I don't have to spend money on contraception, or worry about it failing. Also, sexual/romantic relationships sound like a pain, so I'm glad I don't have a desire to deal with them. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NerotheReaper Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 There are a lot of things, but if I had to pick one single thing is that: My head is not clouded or distracted by intense emotions. For me I can focus on school, my career and other matters without suddenly feeling the need to pleasure myself or do the naughty. So while my peers may be all tingly and be going out on a Friday night with their 'bae', I can be getting ahead of them with school or work, and get better results. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Vuuns Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 I have to agree with @Decaf, knowing is the best part. Other then that, it's just my life. How would I know if things are better then other ways. I can't turn it off and try something else unfortunately, all tho that would be cool 4 hours ago, Nathan Dearth said: One benefit I can think of is that, even though I think sexual desire is a good thing, I do think it can complicate relationships an awful lot and I tend to see it, bluntly speaking, as a trick our genes pull on us to get us to procreate. I think the real love can be found in platonic relationships, and so perhaps this is an area where asexuals are uniquely gifted to benefit from. I think that could only be the case in a two way asexual relationship. I can only speak for myself. And I have never met anyone that identify as asexual, so for me all the same complications will appear and sometimes make them worse, because you don't think that way. So the problems regarding sexual desire kind of sneaks up on me and sucker punches me in the groin EVERYTIME In social settings, when all is said and done, how I feel or what I think rarely makes a difference, because 99% are thinking that is how it is and a big part of the last 1%(been me for 28 years) is trying to think like the 99%. So the complications that sexual desire brings have been there in my relationships, but I have never been able to defend myself. Next time might be better now that I have an "Ace" to play tho - Yes, pun intended. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 AVEN of course! 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RosyDream Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 - I will never be accused of cheating - Even if I got kids they would never see their parents having sex (hopefully) - Not awkward situations related to sexual tension (maybe?) 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yatogami Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 So much time for activities! 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rhaenys Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 The best thing for me is knowing I am not broken or wrong for not wanting to put up with an allosexual's needs and emotional baggage that comes with sex. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Willgracefan Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 (edited) Like a lot of you already said it's knowing that I'm not broken and there's nothing wrong with me. Also not having to worry about STI's or contraception. I'm still figuring out if I'm if I aromantic but for now I love not being in relationship, where I have to cater to another person and just have to deal with someone else. Relationships are complicated And not worth the effort. IMO Since most of my friends are already married or in long-term relationships I do miss not having someone to go on vacations with or out to dinner with, most other things I'm able to do on my own. Edited June 30, 2017 by Willgracefan 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pramana Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 As someone with Buddhist philosophical leanings, I interpret suffering as caused by desire. Furthermore, there is a tradition in Western philosophy stretching back to the Greeks of celebrating the serene contemplative life. For those reasons, if given the choice I would still prefer to be asexual/aromantic. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 -Not letting the "hot people" take me off track from my life goals. -Being that one person who can always be there for friends after breakups or heartbreak or cheaters -being able to write songs about other things -having a rather clean autocorrect vocabulary in case I have to text someone who's NOT a joking friend 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BinaryFission Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 (edited) I don't know if this is a pro thing or not, but I can completely miss sexual innuendos would not understand what a person is trying to say, resulting them into explaining the whole jist of making that remark, making it even more awkward already. Or they just dismiss my "miss" and just pretend it never happened, and most of the time, they don't mention anymore again. I can trade "it" for pretty much everything without a second thought. Edited July 1, 2017 by BinaryFission 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mari Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Im not ace, I'm Demi and I don't like nothing, is a pain in the ass 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
natalieisasexual Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 There is nothing good at all about being asexual and to be perfectly honest any one who is single and asexual I don't believe them when they try to make it out to be anything other than negative, I've already met my perfect man and because of my asexuality that relationship didn't work now I have to go through life and the chances are I'll never experience anything close to a reciprocated true love again. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
doggalogga Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 Sex brings complications into relationships. Not having to worry about that is liberating. Also, being with a relationship with an asexual person means you have to focus on each other, rather than sexual benefits... The downside is finding suitable people to date is effing hard! 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 Fewer distractions. Or at least, fewer distractions that actually work. Quote There is nothing good at all about being asexual and to be perfectly honest any one who is single and asexual I don't believe them when they try to make it out to be anything other than negative, I've already met my perfect man and because of my asexuality that relationship didn't work now I have to go through life and the chances are I'll never experience anything close to a reciprocated true love again. That's unfortunate and all, but your condition (as it were) is really whatever you make of it. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nathan Dearth Posted July 5, 2017 Author Share Posted July 5, 2017 1 hour ago, Philip027 said: Fewer distractions. Or at least, fewer distractions that actually work. Oh that's a really good one. You can't be seduced or tempted by sex. That's a really great strength to have I think, particularly in today's sex-obsessed world. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandmb Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 I can focus on more important things than "get the girl". I save the hard work of "looking good" for others and fulfill the expectations of other women. I'm happy being myself and I feel so free living by myself. More important, I save the drama that implies all relationships avoiding depression and other issues. Conclusion: Relationships are a pain in the ass. sex is not important and I can avoid unwanted pregnancy, AIDS, etc. I feel more independent and I don't need another person to make me feel "completed". 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
vega57 Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 What I like about being asexual is that my ENTIRE SELF-WORTH and/or HAPPINESS does NOT depend on whether or not someone wants to have sex with me. I've heard/read about too many sexuals who say things like, "My partner hasn't had sex with me in a month and I feel WORTHLESS" or, that after a few sexless DAYS they start to become convinced that their partner doesn't LOVE them. I mean...seriously?! 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Amaretti Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 My friends always act like they're dying when they haven't had sex in awhile. I'm glad I don't have to ever deal with that. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Willgracefan Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 34 minutes ago, vega57 said: What I like about being asexual is that my ENTIRE SELF-WORTH and/or HAPPINESS does NOT depend on whether or not someone wants to have sex with me. I've heard/read about too many sexuals who say things like, "My partner hasn't had sex with me in a month and I feel WORTHLESS" or, that after a few sexless DAYS they start to become convinced that their partner doesn't LOVE them. I mean...seriously?! This!! I can't wrap my head around this concept. That the "healthiness" of their relationships are tied around how long it's been since they have sex. I watch a certain reality show and they interview a "sex" therapist and she has said many times that you know something is wrong when sex stops happening. Like the only way to reassure your partner of your love is to have sex with them. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
vega57 Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 5 hours ago, Willgracefan said: This!! I can't wrap my head around this concept. That the "healthiness" of their relationships are tied around how long it's been since they have sex. I watch a certain reality show and they interview a "sex" therapist and she has said many times that you know something is wrong when sex stops happening. Like the only way to reassure your partner of your love is to have sex with them. THIS!!!! And the weird thing is, that they claim to "love" their partner sooooo muuuuuch....but if their partner doesn't want to have sex, they'll LEAVE their partner at the drop of a hat. They'll claim that they left their partner because their partner didn't "love" them by not having sex with them. Yet, they'll go out and find someone to have sex with...even though they don't "love" that person. Makes me ask...is it your PARTNER you love, or SEX that you love?? 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.