Jump to content

How did you guys know?


srtaimperfeitinha

Recommended Posts

srtaimperfeitinha

Hello everybody!

 

I wanted to know how you guys have experienced this whole thing in figuring out you were asexual.

 

Was there an specific event or person that made you realize that? Or was it something you instinctively always knew/felt?

Link to post
Share on other sites

For me, there wasn't one specific moment. I think I just learned about asexuality and came to realize it might fit me.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I've always been pretty obvious about being ace, but I didn't actually know I was ace until a month or two ago. Late April, I came across the term demisexual and was confused because I didn't think anyone ever felt romantic attraction towards a stranger. I looked into it, decided I was demisexual, and remembered from the previous year in GSA, that there were sexual orientations and romantic orientations, but I didn't know the difference. I looked into that and decided that I had never experienced sexual attraction in my life, so that I was ace and demiromantic. Today I am questioning whether or not I am romantic, but in the meantime I know that I am asexual and have never really kept it much of a secret.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Member116379

Upon learning the details of asexuality and all the variants, I did some research on my own and realised that I was 100% on the spectrum somewhere. I'm still not entirely sure where, but somewhere for sure.

 

One of the things that I read that made convinced me was this: do you or have you ever had sex simply because you felt you ought to? I contemplated this and realised that, when I lost my virginity and had sex with him on those handful of occasions, that was indeed how I felt. And it also made sense that I was with him for nearly 6 months and we only had sex about 3 times. I can count it on one hand.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

It was a pretty obvious conclusion upon seeing just about all of your peers going ga-ga over this Thing and you're just sitting there wondering why they're all being so weird.

 

Unfortunately, even though it was immediately very clear how different I was, I still never got to actually discover asexuality specifically and put a name to my condition until around a decade later.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I knew something was up way back in middle school when I had sex ed class and I was the only one who sat through it with a pretty deadpan expression. I knew it all from reading science books, so I just thought of it as a scientific process. I didn't have any interest in it like my classmates. I also never dated or had sex throughout high school and college. All this disinterest eventually led me to look it up online where I found asexuality resources. So it took me my entire school

career to finally find out something I wish I had known back in high school. Would've made things way less confusing.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

A friend of mine told me she was asexual about 3 years ago. I had to google it because I didn't know exactly what it meant. When I learned what OT meant, I realised that's exactly what I was too!

 

But really I have felt that was for about 16  years now. Just didn't know the word for it.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Similar to others, once I started reading about asexuality I felt like I suddenly made sense and it just fit. It was a lightbulb moment, basically, and I had no doubts. I only wish I'd learned of asexuality sooner -- better later than never right?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
MiraMeyneth

There were signs when I was a kid, looking back. I remember asking my mom how babies were made when I was like 8. She gave me a handy book for kids, that detailed the process, the 9 month timeframe of baby development, a diagram of the human genetalia, etc. It fascinated me as a kid. I even remember going through "The Talk" in 5th grade (which everybody feared, at my school it was spoken in hushed tones) without feeling a single thing, and thinking that for me it probably wouldn't happen. To me, the process seemed kinda messy, and with the whole STDs/pregnancy risk it just didn't sound fun. Middle school, everybody was blabbing about crushes, and I just never understood it.

 

I think I might have had some form of mental issue my middle school years, as I really don't remember much, except for a few teachers names.

 

High school, I remember hearing rumors of kids losing their virginity. I think I felt some sort of feeling similar to disappointment. I always saw high school as the last place we could truly be kids, and losing one's virginity was something I always saw as an adult thing.

 

I had a human reproduction unit in my bio class sophomore year, and I never understood why it was so awkward for the people in my class. I found the whole subject sorta fascinating, almost in a "holy crap people actually do this weird thing gotta observe it" type of way.

 

My sophomore year I remember bringing it up to my sister my lack of romantic and sexual attraction, and she gave me the idea of asexuality/aromanticism. I felt fine for the first few months after, then an identity crisis hit that i'm still recovering from. It's better now that i'm out to my immediate family, so that's nice. I had another friend come out as ace a few months ago, which is also nice.:blush:

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Nea Rose Symphony

I went from straight for the longest time to asexual at like age 20 or 21 while a couple years in my first relationship. I took my lack of interest and satisfaction with simply making out as me waiting to marriage. That's what I'd say when my partner would urge me to go a little further and a little more further. But I started learning about asexuality in 2015 and it slowly became a part of me. My now ex even said it made sense when I came out to him. When I finally had "all the way" sex it was as good as I'd thought it'd be: routine and meh. My romantic orientation was a bit more confusing because am I hetero? But I'm not that attracted to males. I'm not aro? I've had the rare crush. So I settled on gray/demiromantic

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
srtaimperfeitinha

Guys, thank you so much for dropping by to share your stories! :)

It's so nice to come here and see how people's paths can take similar and/or different turns.

In the very few days I've been here so far, I've already learned so much. it feels so good to finally relate to people in the (a)sexuality matter.

Thank you!

I hope more people can feel comfortable to come here and share their experiences too!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
SincerelyMe

Well I've always felt that there's something everyone else seems to understand and experience that I don't but I didn't know that there was a word for it until high school. Once I read more about asexuality and people's experiences, I felt ,"yes this is me, I've found my people."

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
srtaimperfeitinha

Similarly to many of you, it took me a long time (in my case, over two decades) to even come to the knowledge that asexuality exists. But once I had the opportunity to read about it, many things that I've felt since teenage years made sense... The feeling that my friends/colleagues in high school were experiencing things that I didn't understand or had interest in (in fact, for many years I felt guilty about it), thought that I was an alien/Martian (hahaha).

I don't know yet if I'm asexual or not; but I definitely relate to it a lot more. Am still reading about it, trying to learn and discover myself. The more I read, the more I see why it took me a long time to experience sex, why it always/mostly felt uncomfortable, that there was nothing wrong with me for not being excited about sexual discovery in high school and being or at least feeling so different from my peers.

One of the most important things that I've learned so far is that sexuality is, or at least it can be, FLUID. This concept has helped so much lately.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

For me it was a lightbulb moment when someone told me avout asexuality. When they asked me if I was ace, I just though back to what I was like before then and a lightbulb just came on.

 

Funny thing is that the person who asked me thought he made up asexuality, was shocked when we learned it was an actual thing.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I think I've been on a fence for the longest time. I've never been interested in anything sexual for the longest time, but a lot of friends used to tell me that it was just because I hadn't tried it yet.

Now, that I've found a boyfriend at the age of 20 and I've tried it, I can safely say that I do not feel the need to do it ever again. Sometimes people don't understand and without thinking they affect you as well. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...