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When did you realise you are asexual?


MagentaColouredTurtle

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I realized I was ace 3 weeks ago. I had a really boring summer and I started reading about a lot of different sexual orientations, including asexuality. And then I gradually realized I'm ace. For me, I had always assumed I was straight, because I felt an attraction beyond the platonic toward women. But I never wanted any sexual activity - my crushes were more wanting to spend time with and hug / cuddle.

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I pretty much realized I was ace as soon as I read about it about a year ago. It was pretty obvious I didn't experience romantic or sexual desires like the average person so I knew right away. As a guy, I've never subscribed understood the problem with abstaining from sex or why guys my age seemed to judge themselves based on whether they had a GF or not (or a BF if they swing that way). Never dated or had sex, and I've never felt bad about either choice.

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Willgracefan

I learned a few months ago. I'm 37 and always just assumed I didn't meet a guy/partner because I moved back in with  my parents after college and stay there for five years.  When my parents asked about my lack of finding a partner I would just blame it on living in the suburbs with my parents.   It wasn't until a few months ago when I saw Youtubers talk about a sexuality and then we sexuality where the lightbulb went off. Ive always been ace just now trying to figure out how to come out to my friends

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Nea Rose Symphony

I started realizing it around age 20 or 21. Reason: my ex becoming increasingly sexually interested in me while I was interested in him in a life partner/romantic way

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At the age of finally realizing how human works and the time I discover myself have OCD. Probably age 17 or 18, been lurking on this forum for a long time.

 

This might sound offending but I ALWAYS have the concept that male only approach you for sex and only sex. Atleast this is how male near me acted like. Also the OCD makes me hate germs/bugs excessively. Body fluid from another person? Get the f off me. I don't even share same drink with my mum.

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Karacoreable

I realised I was a bit different in my mid-teenage years, but actually didn't think much of it. It was all the discussions that were going on about boys and I thought it was all drama and down to societal pressure, the girls I was hanging round with didn't really mean what they said and certainly didn't attach actual feelings to it, it was all just pretending etc. and then as I got even older and had still absolutely no interest whatsoever, I thought maybe it wasn't them being all dramatic but maybe there was something different about me.

 

I didn't come across the word 'asexual' until earlier this year, but wow was that a revelation. I knew that was me right away.

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I first sorta realized it when I was a freshman in college. I turned down a chance at a relationship with a girl clearly trying to get with me, thinking I was just too busy to be bothered with complicated relationship stuff. Later in the year I realized I really just had no interest in relationships, and briefly looked up the word asexual and kept it in the back of my mind.

 

Sophomore year though I had anxiety and became isolated from my friends, and I started craving romance, and thought I might be bisexual. But I was confused, because I had previously thought I was ace.

 

Finally, the next summer, I looked further into asexuality and learned about the split attraction model, and it clicked and suddenly everything made sense. That was when I realized for good that I am truly ace. 

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When I was 18 I found definitions of asexuality and gray-asexuality, but as I don't expirience sexual attraction I didn't really understand what I've been reading and thought I was a gray. But it was really nagging me and 2 years leater I once again looked up asexuality, have been more carefull about interpreteing some definitions and started identify as asexual.

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Quite recently although there were several clues to it. I really only "came out" on August 12th, 2017 but posted a declaration of it on my blog on August 19th.

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i think in about 7th or 8th grade when all of my friends kept asking me who i wanted to date and/or who i had a crush on. i wouldn't even lie (lol) and i would just say "no one.." while thinking why does everyone like someone except me??? i felt all alone until one night i searched up "why do i not like boys or girls" and i learned of asexuality and now im like HA! there is a method to my madness! im not alone! :D 

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I knew that I was asexual as soon as I learned what the word meant. (Which was just a couple of days ago funnily enough)

 

It was a refreshing realization. It felt like those moments were I have something stuck on the tip of my tongue, and I'm straining to think of the word but can't. Then someone else says it and the pressure all slips away, leaving me feeling clear headed. Just reading through the welcome page on here made everything so clear. I flashed back to all the times that I questioned myself and my sexuality. All the confusing nothing I feel watching porn. All the times I felt like an outsider talking with other guys about sex. All the times I had sex and couldn't stop myself from staring off into space in disinterest. All the times I had to beg my partner to believe that I loved her even though I didn't want to have sex, or that I still thought she was beautiful even though I couldn't keep an erection.

 

I used to think that maybe there was something wrong with me, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what. It put so much strain and doubt on a person that I loved, and I was worried that I would have the same problem with anyone else I fall romantically in love with. But now that I have a word for it, I feel better. I know now that there isn't anything wrong with me at all. And knowing that I can explain it makes me feel free to look for romantic love without worrying about sex.

 

I'm so glad that I found this place! It was actually a complete accident. I was watching a video about dangerous and toxic sex toys and the unregulated nature of the sex toy industry on YouTube, and it automatically played a different video from the same YouTuber afterwards. The video was titled "A is for asexual" and it was just a geralized description of the term followed by a recommendation to get more info about it here. So, here I am!

 

This realization has been really positive for me :)

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I realized that I could be asexual when I was 14, but when anytime I mentioned it to anyone, I got "But you're too young to know", sometimes, they'd discuss when they began to experience sexual attraction. I can experience aesthetic attraction and romantic attraction so that confused me even more. I'm still figuring my (a)sexuality today, at 22.

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"How are asexuals so hilarious?! They're wonderful! I wish I was one!"

 

*months later*

 

"Wow, asexuals let in pretty much anyone nowadays. That definition could apply to anyone! Why would they use such broad terminology?" *researches asexuality* *realizes not everyone thinks that way* *has continously flashbacks for days about all the signs that I was asexual all along*

 

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Sammer Jammers

I got placed with some senior girls at an over night debate tournament and they thought that 11pm the night before an all day event was a good time to discuss how to have oral with your boyfriend. Before then I didn't really think sexual attraction was a thing, how wrong I was. I floated around some LGBT sites and blogs lost for a while until some stupid text post popped up with the term asexual. One of those "Straights stand on one leg, Gay's stand on the other, Bi's stand on both and ace's FLOAT." Then google happened.

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krystal_muzik

I have always known I was weird. When I was in my early teens, I thought that I might be gay. But, I don't like chicks either. I didn't realize until my 20s that I was either ace or demi. I don't really see the point in dating and all of the song and dance people go through to get sex unless you want to have bio kids. All of the flavored lubes, flowers, music, itchy lace lingerie etc. It seems like a really expensive and boring hobby to me. 

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Hello, 

 

I came here on October 14th, 2015, desperately trying to understand what I was feeling. I was 17 years old. I have a very religious background that until the age of 17, kept me from feeling safe and like I could truly be who I am. 

 

I found a forum, within minutes of using a school computer to create my account so my parents wouldn't find out, that described what asexuality was, and there were so many people feeling just the same way. It took a weight off of my chest to know the things I was feeling were valid. I was gray-asexual. I did not get the stigma of sexual intercourse that everyone around me seemed to have. I did not want to flaunt my body and have  relations of any sort. I yearned more for the comfortable of words, emotional support, and the occasional cuddling rather than the engagement of intercourse. 

 

I was confident within myself for the first time in my life. But I lived in a very small, conservative, Christian town, and could not openly, safely, be who I was. So I suppressed it. I tried to be who I was not. I began to identify as a pansexual, and I had sex with one girl, and ended up in tears. I did not want it. But my friends were all so caught up in this wild life of sexual encounters that I felt I had to be as well. I tried. It's been almost two years and I have gone to college, where I know I am safe. I have done sexual things to please the people attracted to me, even if they left me feeling nauseous and anxious afterwards. I have tried to forget the part of me that I was conditioned to think was ridiculous. 

 

I am in a relationship now. She is lovely. But she wants to do sexual things. It has been almost a year since I have done anything sexual, and the thought of starting again made me want to cry. I appreciate her, and I love her, and I want to make her happy, but I first needed to come to terms with myself. So here I am. I am Grey, and I am gray-asexual (ah, the irony of my own self picked name being the thing I am). I am going to go forth being confident in who I am, because this is my life, and I cannot live it for others. 

 

Thank you very much for reading my story. 

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On 8/20/2017 at 2:23 AM, Sammer Jammers said:

...I floated around some LGBT sites and blogs lost for a while until some stupid text post popped up with the term asexual. One of those "Straights stand on one leg, Gay's stand on the other, Bi's stand on both and ace's FLOAT." Then google happened.

That reminds me, I was floating around pinterest looking at steven universe and anime related things, and that segued into LGBT+ stuff, where for some reason like half of it was ace related like the thing you said. That was what made me realize I fell into this category and research further and eventually join AVEN.

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I realised I was ace a while ago (in March) but I only recently accepted myself and worked out who I was. I have liked people in the past but I never had any sexual feelings towards them but at the time I didn't notice. Until I fell in love with my best friend. In May. She would never love me like that because she was gay but I fully accepted that. I didn't think of her in a sexual way but I thought of her in a romantic way. I remember when we were on a college trip to Barcelona I really felt something her. I really did fall in love with her and when we came back from Barcelona and we were in the minibus coming home and we dropped her off as soon as she got out and we drove off I really missed her . It took me a while to understand that because of how I was questioning my sexuality but the clues were there. 

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AceofSpades096

This Tumblr post man, I'd glanced at it before but never gave it much thought. Then the summer of 2016, I found it again and it just resonated with me. I mean I'm in college for Pete's sake, and I have yet to feel any sexual desire. It just made all of my conflicted feelings disappear. I'd felt broken for years, and this one post made it all fade away*. 

 

 

*This isn't to say I didn't have any problems after discovering this. Not everyone is accepting of this sexuality...

 

(Hope this link works)

 

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/cc/91/c4/cc91c4ba9bb1d1b5c4e451527a0e1d7f--mean-people-other-people.jpg

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i've been grossed out by sexual/romantic themes for as long as I can remember, but I do find certain physical traits in people hot so I assumed I wasn't ace, just a broken straight guy. I actually identified as ace for like, a week when I was younger... maybe 15-16? But again, I still found people hot so that quickly got pushed under the rug. I continued to question for years, and more recently I experimented with other genders, but came up (mostly) empty handed. I was pretty sad. I felt completely broken and useless. Then one day I was having a convo with a friend of mine (who's VERY sexual) and I asked her if she always had a drive to have sex, even as a virgin. She did, and for some reason at that moment gears began to turn in my head... she had something that I did not. I never ever ever ever wanted to get in anyone's guts, no matter how attractive the person was. Sex to me always felt like this barrier that I eventually had to overcome because society told me I needed to, not something I was supposed to enjoy! Suddenly stuff started to make sense, and now, here I am. I can't tell you how good it feels to finally have an answer; an answer that was sitting right in front of me too. Yeesh.

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I had heard the term Asexuality my Freshman year at a lunch table discussion with a couple of friends (2 of which ended up coming out as somewhere on the ace spectrum later, what are the odds of that) but it was a few months later than that when I had a moment of oh-wait-is-that-me?! then another few months before I felt sure that I was ace and not a late bloomer.

 

Still haven't figured out my romantic ordination but I'm comfortable being me so I'm not really trying that hard to put a label on it. 

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Ace_of_hearts17

I was 16 when I saw a buzzfeed video on asexuality.  I just sat there for a minute and thought "wait, this is an option?!?!".  My whole high school education was just me saying to myself well I'm not gay so I must be straight.  I never felt like I was really straight though.  But finally at the age of 18 and having done enough research to write a paper I have finally come to terms with my asexual heteroromanticism.   :D:cake:

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For the longest time in elementary school I had the "we're to young to date" mentality when some asked who my crushes were. Which I still think is true for 10 year olds. But now in high school that's not a valid excuse for not wanting to date someone. So I Googled asexuality about a month ago and here I am today.

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SoGoPsychotic

I first learned about asexuality when I googled "asexual" for a biology assignment in 10th grade and stumbled upon it but I didn't really feel comfortable with using it for myself until about 9 months ago, really popped a lot of things into place for me, I used to think I was just really weird (I mean I am, but even more so and I wasn't as comfortable with it as my normal weird.) but now that I've really accepted it I feel much better about myself 

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Never really interesting in sex thru my life. I just chalked it up to I had never met the 'right' person. Then in the mid 2000s, I read an article about asexuality (boy this sounds like me) in a local newspaper. There was mention of the AVEN forum so I checked it out. At the time I didn't feel the need to join and put the identity in the back of my mind and was OK with it. Earlier this year I did finally sign up.

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angieberlinski

Well since I first had a boyfriend and started dating I realized that I NEVER felt horny or wanted to engage in any sexual activity and that was always the primary reason for most of my relationships to end. It wasn't until 2 years ago that I randomly came across a movie called asexual that I realized that "omg that's it. That is who I am." I can't even begin to explain how amazing and relieving it felt to know what has been wrong with me all my life and that this isn't something that a doctor can fix. 

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I finally went and searched AVEN's archives for this:

 

I had found it earlier, but never thought to post a link to it.

 

I'm pretty this is the article that I saw in the National Post. I was a regular reader at the time. When I read it, that was my 'A ha! Now I get it" moment. So I guess I've known that I was asexual since '05 and I would've been 43 at the time. At the time I'd only had the internet since '98. and not really wondering what was up with me 'sexually'. I never thought to look up on the search engines of the day, "Why don't I want sex?" Knowing what I went thru for so many years, I'm pleased to read about younger asexuals that have been been able to know about and identify as asexual. From my experience it'll save them a lot of heart break down the road.

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Charlie Weasley

this year. after a lot of unmotivated internet dating and confusionm as to wether it was something I wanted or not ( :

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