When did you realise you are asexual?

[MagentaColouredTurtle]

Title says it all 

[kelico]

Welcome to AVEN!  I realized when I was 24 or 25...so a few years ago now. There was a post on Facebook, an article about a girl that identified as gray-asexual. That began my questioning and searching! : )

 

I'm going to give you the new member helpful info post and then move this thread to Asexual Musings and Rantings. : ) I think you'll get more responses there! I hope you enjoy being a member!

 

Spoiler

 

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here.  The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 

Thread moved from Welcome Lounge to Musi/Rants.

-kelico, Welcome Lounge Moderator

[Guest]

My asexual friend described asexuality to me and I was like "Hmmm... that's me, yep." Then I just went on AVEN and learned more.

[argar]

I always knew I was a little different than everyone.

 

When I was in high school I was more aware of it.

 

I did a lot of pretending just to fit in.

 

When I was in college I convinced myself that I was just pretending to be different.

 

A couple of years later I realized I wasn't pretending.

 

I was different, but the name of who I was did not exist yet.

 

Then one day I discovered the name and became a member of AVEN.

 

I have always known, it just took the rest of the world some time to know as well. Lol

 

 

[Redshirt Jim]

This is along story, bear with me. 

It started with fanfics....

I was so hyped in this anime and began searching for spoilers when I accidentally typed fanfics instead of facts and exposed to yaoi for the first time. 

I was confused...why is X and Y dated and have sex in the kitchen? I thought they are on a journey to stop Z...

Since I used to be an asshole, I then thought ew...they are gays!! I am not following this series ever again.

Then I sorta realize oh...they are fanfics...and then I started reading fanfics...

I only read hetero ones but sometimes I am curious on other sex scenes too. It sorta helped that manga sometimes are mislabeled. 

And then I was bored with anime and stumble into star trek in a page that describe Spock and Kirk relationship...I started reading that and I was touched by the concept of T'hy'la which means friend, brother and lover. I then thought...wouldn't be nice if I can have that? That lead me to realize that these story...they are just two people that love each other. And these story lead me to open up what I feel....and somehow over the years I realized.....

Romance and Sex are different. 

Gender is determined by what the person feels.

It was very liberating when I know this. 

And yes, I am not ashamed to say that fanfics helped me discover myself. It was not smooth as I described above, but the gist is here. 

 

So remember the next time you are viewing fanfics or any  other art, try to analyze what comfort & disturb you and why. It could reveal so much about yourself. 

Because that was art is for. 

To comfort the disturbed, and to disturb the comfortable. 

 

 

 

 

[mindlife]

Even when I was curious about sex in my teens I knew I was not sexual.

Many people thought I was gay or bi.

But from the beginning of my adolescence, I knew that there was a non-sexual domain of experience, and I wanted to be there.

[Kathleenah]

I'm 29, I realised when I was 26 wish when a friend told me she was asexual. I had to google 😅 and discovered that's what I was! I've known for certain that I have no interest in sex since I was about 13 though. I just didn't know the name for it.

[Laurally]

First time I learned about asexuality, I was about 18, and I took to it immediately. But I wasn't quite ready to apply the label to myself. That part has taken about 5 years. Now I'm super comfortable with my ace self, and identifying as ace. 

[Nova_Wild]

It happened to me sometime in my college years. At first I just assumed I was straight and then later bi. Later, I was surfing the web and I came across a post (can't remember exactly where, though) talking about sexual attraction. Before, I thought the term meant wanting to be in a relationship with someone of a certain sex. Then I found out it meant wanting to have sex with somebody upon encountering them. I was thinking, "Hold on, you mean this happens to most people?!" It's a bit embarrassing, but before then I thought it was only perverts who experienced primary sexual attraction (then again that might be because they tend to be the most vocal about it). Eventually, I learned about asexuality and realized that I was the odd one out.

[warrigan]

i heard about asexuality when i was 16, but didn't use the label for myself until i was 18 (four years ago).

[Rhaenys]

I was 16 and in love with a guy who made me feel like I was a bucket of KFC (only worth was my breasts and thighs). I knew something was off.

[Hey_Hey]

I never really felt attraction to anyone, nor had I ever found anyone "hot" as many of my friends did. I thought something was off and thought that I was just 'picky' as some of my old friends had said. I found the term "demisexual" and thought, "Well, that's me, I guess." That was all in about 7th grade. 9th grade hit and I realized that, were I to feel attraction, I would have had some sort of crush by now, which I hadn't. I did a bit more digging and found the term, 'asexual' and suddenly, everything clicked. I thought that some stuff in my brain were broken because, "Everyone feels attraction and my parents want grandchildren," sort of thing. I had never really wanted sex before, and the thought of being that vulnerable to someone is just too much. It repulsed me. I was never able to connect to characters in romance novels that I forced myself to read in order to "fix myself." (Never a good thing, and it didn't work, it just made me feel really bad about myself and that I was more 'broken')

 

Once I came out to my friends (then to my parents a year later) everything started making more sense. I was normal, just not everyone else's normal. Everyone has their own normal, and I was just finding mine down a road with quite a few bumps in the road. My friends and parents accepted me when I told them I was asexual. They accepted me when I told them I was aromantic, and I'm still in the closet about my gender. Fun times.

 

Everyone finds out at different ages and at different times. Just be yourself and you will find yourself.

[AwkwardAxolotl]

I guess I've always known, I just didn't find the words to describe myself until I stumbled across AVEN at 18.

[Julijam]

I was never really interested in dating or had any crushes and was kind of repulsed by sex, so after a long time spent questioning my sexuality and thinking that something was wrong with me I just simply decided to google it. The first article that I came across was really bad. It said that asexual people were all broken, mentally ill and that sex is the most important thing in human's life and also that asexuality is not an orientation, it's rather a choice to not have sex.. (not the best way to be introduced to asexuality if you ask me..) so this was the first time I heard the term asexual. I started researching and reading about it more and kind of realised that the term described me very well. It was hard to accept myself and it took a long time before I've came to terms with it, but now I'm comfortable and happy to identify as ace.

[Amaretti]

A little over a year ago but I didn't fully acknowledge that my suspicions were correct til recently.

[ozzythefabulous]

I realised after accidentally discovered AVEN at the age of 16

[DoctorWhatPhD]

I'm a weird case, because I thought I was straight for a while. I knew that I wasn't really interested in sex, and that the idea of a sexual relationship even stressed me out for some reason. For a while, i thought it was just my Catholic upbringing. Then I quit being religious (I identify as agnostic) and started to think that maybe there was something wrong with me, and I was just a prude. Then I read Girls With Slingshots, and found out that hey, asexuality is a thing! Unfortunately, I do have a libido and I masturbate, which I thought disqualified me. Then I started talking to a couple friends of mine who're asexual and found out no, masturbation does NOT disqualify you. 

I still ended up buying The Invisible Orientation by Julie Sondra Decker and reading through it before I was 100% ready to label myself, because, as you might have surmised, I overthink things a lot.

[Alexandmb]

I realized about that 3 years ago. I never felt the need of construct a romantic relationship and sex is just irrelevant to me, everyone talking to me about sex... It's just stupid. 

[ArcaneSiren]

I was 18, so nine years ago. It happened after I broke up with my first and only boyfriend. I had no sexual interest in him and I had no idea why. I thought I was a late-bloomer and brushed it off. But after a year of being confused, I went to the internet and discovered "asexuality", and after researching and getting answers, I came to terms that I was asexual. But over the years, my asexuality changed. For a few years, I was completely aromantic asexual. I just didn't want to date anyone whatsoever. But nowadays, I find myself to be a grey-asexual, mainly because I want a deep, emotional bond with someone. I'm also curious, so under specific circumstances, I desire some level of sex (emotional, for fun, for the result, etc), but I still wouldn't have actual sex and still don't experience sexual attraction to anyone.

[Euna]

It was in college, and the handsome guy I had a crush on had just asked me out on a super romantic date.  I just assumed he wasn't ace...what were the chances?  I'd been through a bad breakup and didn't feel like risking another.  And, I realized that, in spite of my crush, there was no way I would ever be sexually attracted to him, and I'd probably end up disappointing him like my last relationship.  I quit dating that day and have identified as ace ever since.

[Pam just wants pancakes]

I first learned that asexuality existed about two years ago but I didn't feel like that was entirely me. 

 

On 7/2/2017 at 6:07 PM, DoctorWhatPhD said:

I do have a libido and I masturbate, which I thought disqualified me

I had this thought too, and I was so confused because I didn't fit with everyone around me. I never had crushes or dreamed about getting married and having a relationship or anything.

 

I thought I just wasn't normal so I started pretending. I felt pressured by my peers because everyone  always talked about their experiences and I was left feeling awkward, never understanding their conversations. So my faking stepped up and when I was at parties and guys wanted to kiss me I let them. Now I would be able to join other girls in their conversations, right?

 

Even if it felt awkward I started making out with guys just for attention 'cause everyone seemed to enjoy it. The boys got their kisses, girls got their gossip and I got their attention.

 

But I couldn't keep on faking forever so I did my research and stumbled upon AVEN.  Then I learned more about asexuality and discovered that indeed that's what I identify with and that masturbation doesn't automatically make me sexual.

 

This year I started using "asexual" as a label for myself and have only come out to some friends so far. I have to say it feels good to stop pretending and just be true to you, even if that makes you different. 

 

Wow that was so long, sorry for that. However if you read this far you're an awesome human being, you deserve some cake.     

[Busrider]

I'm only 46 and maybe haven't met the right person yet, so I don't know.

I felt like being in the spectrum facing sexual demands of exes in my mid / late 30s.

I guess I'll know after sharing a bed with an awesome asexual partner for a few weeks.

[3IA]

I knew without having the words to describe asexuality when I was 11 or 12. My friends were talking about boys, they talked about sexual things or alluded or implied them in the way kids do at that age in particular but I felt very disconnected to it. Even seeing shirtless actors on tv and stuff, friends would ooh and awe, but it was just a body. He had some abs. Okay, so abs are a sign of how attractive a man is supposed to be? (That has nothing to do with anything in the grand scheme of things, nor did I ever prescribe to that particular belief but it serves well my confusion of things at that age)I would usually just go oh he has nice hair. I was 17 when I first heard about asexuality and knew that was me. It explained everything for me.

[m3ss]

I was eight when i realized i didnt like guys that way, at twelve years old sitting in sex ed in which they warned about the many stds you could possibly get from engaging in sex i realized that sex wasn't interesting raised my hand and asked if it was so risky why do it. The coach tried to explain it to me I didn't get it. three years later i reliezed that I wasn't normal... people actually wanted to have sex with others because they looked good more then they wanted to be safe. I figured it out because a safety seminar on the way people have been abducted in the past. On of the tactics talked about was seduction. The whole idea confused me.

[sweetbitter]

I started questioning my sexuality around 14 or 15, by my 17th b-day I was already sure and identified myself as ace. 

[JayDee1212]

Hmm...well I don't think I even knew what it was until after I graduated high school, and i never even had a thought that it could be me until I was 19 or 20 and had my first sexual boyfriend. I remember just being very frustrated with the fact that he had a sex drive at all. I only saw him one day a week due to our conflicting schedules, and every single time he tried to initiate sex, which I found extremely odd. I just remember googling something like "my boyfriend wants to have sex every single week, is he hypersexual?" And seeing that apparently for sexual people once a week is basically the norm, and many desire it even more than that. Needless to say I was a bit confused and a lot horrified! 

So after a bit of searching the web I found aven and finally found something that clicked. It was honestly instant relief that there were other people out there who felt this way. I guess that's just when I knew! 

[NicoleF]

I knew even when I was very young- in middle school (6th or 7th grade) I began to wonder why I didn't have crushes on people. I liked people in a friendship sort of way, but I wasn't obsessed with any boys like my friends were. I did wonder if I was bi or gay, but I didn't feel attraction to girls either.

 

I literally remember googling porn (straight and then gay) and getting grossed out both times, and then trying to convince myself that I was just a late bloomer and I would grow to want that eventually! Hahahaha.

 

I came across the term "asexual" when I was maybe 13 or 14. It immediately felt right but at that point I was in the closet with myself and convinced I would feel sexual attraction as I got older. And then it never happened. I embraced the label personally when I was 16, I think. But I still haven't come out to anyone but close friends. 

 

It was confusing because around 15 I did start to feel romantic attraction. I wanted to be in a relationship, just minus the sex, so I assumed I would never be able to have a relationship, since weren't all people in relationships just for sex?! We definitely need more mainstream ace visibility. 

[gen10]

I knew something was off as early as 6th or 7th grade when nearly everyone at school would discuss their crushes. At first I just assumed that I was a late bloomer, but as time went on I still hadn't become attracted to anyone and I realized I didn't really want a sexual relationship at all, and maybe not a romantic one either. I didn't know the term for it for a while and I was afraid that I was the only one who was like this. Eventually, I found out about asexuality on the internet and also found sites like this. I just wish that someone had told me that this wasn't a completely alien way to feel instead of that I would eventually find the right person to settle down with.

[Amos]

I was in fifth grade or so when my therapist asked me if I started thinking about boys. I took offense to that for reasons I couldn't identify back then. The thought of being in a romantic and/or sexual relationship has always made me feel sick. It felt almost alien to watch my classmates develop crushes and start dating when I really didn't want that. I actually figured out that I was asexual last year - I googled "no romantic and sexual attraction" and found a bunch of articles on asexuality and aromanticism.

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