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What do you think of age differences in dating or relationships between aces? It seems that the online population is heavily skewered towards those in their 20s, even early 20s, both here and on places like acebook. I'm sure there must be an even spread of asexuals across the age groups, but most of the older ones seem to have either settled down with a sexual partner or just given up.

 

If you're looking to date and are a bit older like me that can be a bit disconcerting. Is it ok for someone their late 30s to date someone 10-15 years younger? I suppose it's not as though you are looking to use them for the sexual attractiveness of their youth, as might be the charge levelled at 'normal' partners with a big age gap. Would you date someone who was quite a few years younger or older, if they were also on the asexual spectrum?

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If the younger person and I were compatible. Shared interests such as books, music, movies, etc.

As I am 52, I don't think I'd have much in common with a younger person.

Also, at this advanced age, I'm pretty set in my ways, so, I wouldn't be good at a relationship, having never had one.

Overall, I don't believe age is a factor, between Asexuals. Compatibility would be the deciding one.

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NerotheReaper

To me age doesn't really matter, long as both people are consenting adults the whole age gap isn't a big deal. My cousin met and married someone who is older than her parents, but they are such a great couple both of them are very happy. 

 

Personally, I would want someone closer in age just for being afraid to get close to someone for either them to die way before me, or for me to die before them. The maximum age gap I am willing to have is five years. Maybe that may change but as of right now, that is just where I stand personally. 

 

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BinaryFission

This is just my opinion, but I think it would look kind of weird if a 30 year old were dating someone who was 15 years younger then them, making them a 15 year old teenager. Many people will get the wrong impression of this, including myself, but it's all up to the two who are planning to date or whatever. However for some apparent reason in my mind, I find it alright for a 38 year old to date a 28 year old or even a 24 year old. There will always be people who will get the wrong impression of everything, so I would say you really shouldn't care for what others say. It's really between you and the person who are planning to date each other. Even though both of you might be asexuals, mostly everyone will get the wrong impression unless you directly tell them (since in this societal world, if someone is in a relationship then they must be doing some "things"). If you want to date someone who is pretty much a decade or a bit more, go for it, but both of you have to agree with whatever consequences that will come, just like in any relationship. 

 

I'm kind of young to be an expert on dating (really depends on opinions, as always) but I would like to date someone who was also an asexual. I guess I will find it fine if someone was a bit older than me.

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18 minutes ago, BinaryFission said:

This is just my opinion, but I think it would look kind of weird if a 30 year old were dating someone who was 15 years younger then them, making them a 15 year old teenager. Many people will get the wrong impression of this, including myself, but it's all up to the two who are planning to date or whatever. However for some apparent reason in my mind, I find it alright for a 38 year old to date a 28 year old or even a 24 year old. There will always be people who will get the wrong impression of everything, so I would say you really shouldn't care for what others say. It's really between you and the person who are planning to date each other. Even though both of you might be asexuals, mostly everyone will get the wrong impression unless you directly tell them (since in this societal world, if someone is in a relationship then they must be doing some "things"). If you want to date someone who is pretty much a decade or a bit more, go for it, but both of you have to agree with whatever consequences that will come, just like in any relationship. 

 

I'm kind of young to be an expert on dating (really depends on opinions, as always) but I would like to date someone who was also an asexual. I guess I will find it fine if someone was a bit older than me.

While I agree that a 30 yo dating a 15 yo is disgraceful, the OP stated a late 30's person dating a 20's person.:)

I agree, that people will always be making judgements. That wouldn't bother me much, as I tend to ignore what others think of me.

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I dated someone who was 12 years older than me, and also someone 2 years younger. I don't really like the idea of much younger then that, i find it creepy. Even though now i am 30, dating say a 25 yr old wouldn't actually be seen as odd.  I wouldn't date anyone over 10 years again though, as i think it was a bit too much difference.  

But i guess in the Asexual world as there would most likely be no sex involved, i guess that age is less of a problem there. Although you would have to deal with public who don't know your situation thinking it is wrong/ gross/ insertwhateverhere.. 


I think it comes down to the person as well, you can get younger acting people who are older which was the case in my situation or you can get older acting younger partners. But i think after a certain amount of years there will always be a generation barrier in some ways. 

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In my mind, theoretically it seems alright for any consenting adults to do whatever they please. Like, who am I to interfere? I don't have a stake in the relationship so why should I care?  But in real life, I think a severe age gap feels a bit squicky to me. I hate to discriminate, but the idea of a relationship between someone that's like 50-60+ and someone who's like 18/early 20s provokes a visceral aversion in me. Perhaps it's just that I doubt the motives of both parties due to established preconceptions, but it just feels off to me for a relationship to cross multiple generations.

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1 hour ago, acesexual7 said:
  1. Is it ok for someone their late 30s to date someone 10-15 years younger?
  2. I suppose it's not as though you are looking to use them for the sexual attractiveness of their youth, as might be the charge levelled at 'normal' partners with a big age gap.
  3. Would you date someone who was quite a few years younger or older, if they were also on the asexual spectrum?

#1: If you can do it; do it!

#2: I disagree. Your arm candy will always be considered a status symbol by outsiders. Sex might happen 1/72 of the day. The rest of the time spend together you 'll still have more beauty to enjoy so what is how relevant?

#3 I'd ignore an age gap, where it doesn't matter. <-Meant as a feeling. If the fat chick & old chain smoker happen to have the same cycling stamina & determination, they are an ideal match and can hopefully have a great time. 

I wouldn't mind spending a lot of time with somebody older than me, as long as it feels good, were getting along splendidly and the age gap doesn't become an obstacle as far as living dreams is concerned.

I somehow fear the young. - So many ideas, so little patience. - Maybe a prejudice but harder to catch their sparks now.

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RoseGoesToYale

My parents are 13 years apart. Granted they are divorced, but not because they had nothing in common due to age. I don't there's anything wrong with an age difference in a relationship, provided that everyone's an adult (even for aces, I still think this applies). The main thing is whether you like the person for who they are and enjoy their company. Besides, I don't have much in common with people my age. I grew up watching stuff like Star Trek and The Wild Wild West on Laserdisk, listening to the Beatles or Jefferson Starship, recording mock radio shows on a cassette player. I have a record of "The First Family" that still makes me laugh. I have yet to find someone my age who gets these references.

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I'm lonely. I'll take anyone who is at least 20 and who is willing to bathe at least a couple of times a week.

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PREFACE: I'm a lot older than you (over 60), so please bear this in mind.

 

First and foremost you need to 'connect' with someone mentally. For sexuals I'd say 'mentally and physically', but the 'physical' element might be less relevant here (depending on where the parties are on the asexuality spectrum). And that lack of physicality might mean that you could consider somewhat wider age gaps. An old friend of mine married someone half his age (50 to 25 at the time) a few years back and they continue to thrive. And they aren't asexuals, either.

 

As long as both parties are over that age where their personality has become well established and is unlikely to change too much, then it's just a question of whether you make each other happy and are likely to do so for an extended period of time. Who knows what the future brings? Many marriages fail these days (sad but true), so if you can see that a decade or longer of happiness is likely, why wouldn't you? The younger person is the one who should be the most circumspect. Finding themselves legally and emotionally attached to an 'ageing crock' must be a risk. But Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones aren't the only example of successful relationships with over 20 year gaps. Isn't the new president of France considerably younger than his wife?

 

Both parties would have to be prepared to deal with societal shock and (probably) disapproval. So your personality has to be a bit 'thick-skinned' and ready to plough your own furrow.

 

Finally there's the question of restricted numbers. I've heard it suggested that about 1% of the population is asexual. This seems to me to be a huge exaggeration. How many AVENites are there, out of 7 billion humans on the planet? Do the maths. So the chances of asexuals finding someone with a great connection AND a very close age match will be much lower than for sexuals because the numbers are just so much lower. So asexuals will probably have to more flexible in who they date. Would it be better to date someone many years younger/older but with whom you connect? Or someone nearer your own age with less of a connection? I know my answer to that.  

 

So to answer your questions

2 hours ago, acesexual7 said:

Is it ok for someone their late 30s to date someone 10-15 years younger?

  I don't think many personalities have fully established by 25, so I'd say 10 years max if the younger person is 20-25. After that a larger gap might work.

 

2 hours ago, acesexual7 said:

Would you date someone who was quite a few years younger or older, if they were also on the asexual spectrum?

I would date someone younger than me as long as a) there was a real connection and b) I was satisfied that they had really thought through what they were letting themselves in for. It's unlikely that I'd date someone considerably older than me, because I'm so old already that they would practically be dead.....

 

Good luck.

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12 minutes ago, podsnap said:

I'm lonely. I'll take anyone who is at least 20 and who is willing to bathe at least a couple of times a week.

Damn, you're picky...

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I think it really depends on the people. If they are both mature and compatible in various ways I don't see why age matters much. I have known people who had 20 years or more in age difference and were very happy.

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Mezzo Forte

Honestly, I have a sort of "to each their own" attitude with age gaps so long as they aren't crossing age of consent boundaries. I don't date, but I have made pretty awesome friends who are 20~30 years older than me, so I can kind of understand why an age gap might not be as big a deal for some romantic partners. 

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Personally I don’t think age matters too much, it's far more about finding someone you connect with and who has a similar outlook on life. If anything I guess how you view life yourself may have more of a bearing on where you might focus your attention than anything else. For instance, at 40 I tend to be more interested in younger women, but that’s mostly because in general I often find myself having more in common with people in their 20s and 30s than those my own age and older, however I've also met older women who are young spirited.

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BobRossRules

Age is relative and compatibility should be a heavily weighted factor.  I'm 47, but I'm very immature.  Despite this, I'd probably have more in common with folks in their 40s, 50s, or 60s. 

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I personally think it's creepy. I wouldn't date anyone 7 years older or 5 years younger but that's me. Each to their own.

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I think it entirely depends on the people, my mum's parents had a 20 year age gap and as far as I'm aware their relationship worked fine.

So I think if the people involved are consenting adults who connect well and enjoy each other's company then go for it. As well I think age differences (in relationships and friendships) matter less the older those involved get, or at least that's what I've found.

 

(It'd be different if it was like a 30 year old wanting to date someone who's like 16 - that's a serious red flag in my mind, but not the point of the thread)

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darkstreamers252

I'm a little strange, I have some sort of attraction to men that are considerably, considerably older than me, but I would never date anyone more than 2 years younger than me.

Besides, you like who you like, age doesn't really matter unless the person is a minor.

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Age is just a number, what matters is compatibility. As long as everyone is legal and consenting. 

 

Personally, I am 30 and my partner is younger by a fair amount of years. I don't mind and neither do they. We get along, we are compatible, there are just some references they don't get cause older stuff and some I don't get cause was too new for me to be interested in. *shrug* 

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