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How do you know you're asexual?


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I know the defintion of asexual is a lack of sexual attraction but I've had conversations with people who don't have sexual attraction but still crave sex and want people and don't identify as asexual. But I've also talked to people who don't have sexual attraction and want to have sex but consider themselves asexual. So it's really confusing to me on how you know for sure you are. 

-for me I've never experienced sexual attraction to anymore (I'm nearing 20)

-I masturbate to help me sleep

-I've had sex because I thought it was the thing to do, but I never really got in the mood to do it. I like things sure but my want for sex dies out as soon as I'm actually in the moment 

 

So I'm just confused how you know I guess. 

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What people want to identify as is always some kind of personal choice. If you don't experience sexual attraction but often pursue sex you might still want to consider yourself heterosexual because that's easier to explain. 

If you don't experience sexual attraction AND don't want sex I'd say you're pretty ace. 

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I'm not heterosexual. And I don't pursue sex all of my sexual activity were spontaneous and like I said as soon as I get into it it's not fun anymore. 

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Subliminal Fantasies

Asexuality is on a spectrum like anything else. You don't have to fit every single one of the possible aspects of asexuality to be asexual. For me, I feel attraction and arousal but I still don't want to have sex. Things turn me on and they make me want to hug or kiss someone but not have sex with them. Also things change. you may feel like this today, it may change later. You just have to find the identification that feels right to you, and you're not stuck with it! It's your life and your identity, you can change it any time you want. 

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GRexCarolinii

short answer:
labels are arbitrary, people can choose to use them or not :) 
if you think the label fits you, and helps somehow (finding identity, community, just having something to say to explain?) 
Then go for it!

In a wider sense - 
Asexuality is generally just the lack of sexual attraction to another person

you can be asexual, have sex, masturbate, or whatever else
as long as you don't feel that sexual attraction to another person

 

Equally... sexuality is fluid and can change, so some days you might feel asexual, others not. It's up to you really what label helps, if any. 

 

As for me?
I still don;t really know.
I tend to use the wider term of "Gray-A", and have asked sexual and demisexual friends many a time what this mythical sexual attraction even is

I don;t think I feel it
but desire the emotional experience that can come with it only with the right person. 

So in a very small nutshell: I'm asexual because I don't feel the sexual attraction

hope that helps :) 

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I birthed a clone of myself from my elbow.

 

Seriously now I know I'm asexual because I don't need sex to connect and show my love to another person. I have no need to seek sex with a partner because I see it as a complete waste of time and I could be doing actual entertaining things.

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I know I am asexual because I do not get an erection if I don't do physical stimulation (i.e. masturbation). That is, any type of visual stimulation of any kind leaves me cold. In other words, I don't react to any type of porn or live women or men.

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DemiGeekGoddess

You know its like a natural instinct. You know that feeling when you may see something displeasing, someone unattractive, or non amusing. Just picture that you may have a tendency to feel at least one of those feelings with everyone that you encounter. With me it is mostly the un amused feeling. I think it's normal. Being asexual is a feeling or a state of being and when you feel it you just know. You may not exactly know the terms for it right away when you notice that you are different ....but when you feel it....you just know. I know that I am asexual because it's just like any other instinctual sexual identity except for the fact that the feelings that other sexual orientations feel are sometimes just obsolete in this genre. That's it. It's just that simple. 

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Willgracefan

I think I always knew but could never admit it to myself. I knew I didn't care enough to seek out a romantic or sexual partner. I was always just ok being "alone" I had my "a-ha moment" when watching a YouTube video about how a blogger knew they were asexual. It took their explanation of their feeling for my light bulb to go off. Yep, that's me! 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Because nothing else makes sense to me.

 

I have no desire for sex.

 

It's just what makes the most sense to me and brings me peace.

 

If I try to think otherwise, I confuse myself and feel like shit.

 

How I define myself though applies to nobody else, and is for nobody else to judge. The same rule applies for you, and everybody else.

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