TheRainmakers Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 I got engaged nearly a week ago and I couldn't be more excited. I love him and he clearly loves me. We are both very excited to start our lives together. The only catch is that he is bi and i am ace (though this hasn't been an issue so far). We joke sometimes that he has enough attraction for both of us. While we are very calm about the whole thing and very open with each other, I also know that getting married brings changes to a relationship. As the months wind down to the wedding date, what advice would you folks with more experience give to us? Link to post Share on other sites
swirl_of_blue Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Marriage only changes things if you want it to change them. There should definitely be no obligation from either of you to change the way you have or don't have sex. Why do you think things are going to change if you already are open about everything? If it has not been an issue so far, how have you been compromising? Does he have a very low libido and not much interest in sex, or are you willing to compromise by having sex occasionally? You have to be clear to each other of all of your desires and limits and find something that works out for the both of you (and since your desires are so different there WILL be need for big compromises). Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Quote Marriage only changes things if you want it to change them. Came in here to say this, more or less. I am engaged as well, and in a practical sense we don't see the marriage as THAT much more than a means for our countries to allow us to actually live together (we're LDR). We would still be committed to each other regardless. Link to post Share on other sites
Lara Black Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 I seldom give advice, but this one just jumped to mind – stop looking for problems. Marriage itself doesn’t have to change anything, but engaged people often tend to dig deep in search of something wrong. Questions like “Am I good enough for him?” or “Do I really want to spend all my life with this person?” tend to pop up, even when before the engagement there was no hint of doubt in your mind. The trick here is that the more you wallow in all that, the worse you feel and the bigger the risk of quarreling grows. I’d say you’d be better off if you just took things one step at a time, without trying to predict everything. Link to post Share on other sites
TheRainmakers Posted June 25, 2017 Author Share Posted June 25, 2017 Lara - I'm not looking for problems as much as I'm curious how other people's relationships changed or did not change. You are absolutely right though. I could create problems by searching for them. Link to post Share on other sites
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