Dudette Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Is it possible to have a sexuality which has no ideal label out there? can I make my own label with a definition? Link to post Share on other sites
darkstreamers252 Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 I'm pretty sure it's possible, lots of Tumblr people have done so. Link to post Share on other sites
Puck Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Sometimes figuring out one's sexuality is tricky and I think the thing to realize is that all a label is is a way to tell other people about yourself. AVEN allows for everyone to pick whatever label suits them and they can use that label to express themselves. However, just remember that there are only so many labels that most people are aware of, so it might confuse people if everyone just made one up. Also remember that everyone has nuances in terms of preferences and relationships. An obscure, specific label might not do the job of a label, which is telling other people about oneself, after all you will have to explain your label to everyone you tell it to because it hasn't existed until now. It also may be unnecessary as it may just be trying to exactly specify to someone one's preferences that isn't needed to explain in a sexuality. For example, say Samantha is a girl. She is sexually attracted to muscled guys. She doesn't need a special label to specify that she likes only muscled dudes, she can just say she is straight. Another example is say Paul is a boy. He is sexually attracted to girls, but only girls that he can connect with through his hobbies or interests (note, he doesn't need the emotional bond that would make him demi, he just likes girls who have similar hobbies/interests). He can also just say he's straight. Both these examples have nuances to their preferences that needn't be categorized with a more specific label. So, in sum, you can make up a label, but people will likely be confused by it and it may not actually meet whatever goal you have for this new label. To be clear, whatever it is that you are feeling about your orientation is absolutely valid and worth expressing, just maybe in ways other than a more specific label. I don't know what you are feeling, so it's possible whatever it is doesn't have a label it could fit under, I'm not sure. It might be worth looking at resources such as AVEN's sexual orientation lexicon to see if there is already a label that fits you. Link to post Share on other sites
AVEN #1 fan Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Yeah, Tumblr makes it all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Sure, go ahead. It's not as if there's a high council of orientations who have to give their stamp of approval or whatever. Pretty much every orientation/gender was "made" by some random person at some point. Make something that suits you and it's cool. I personally think there are already kinda a lot of orientations, but if you're happy identifying as something new, that's totally cool. Link to post Share on other sites
kaseythefairy Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Hi, Dudette! I think all the responses so far are valid. But I'm not here to just repeat what's already been said. I think language, labels, associations, etc. are super interesting, especially in the LGBTQ+ community. There has been many times I've tried to explain something (be it a feeling, an event, anything really) to someone on the internet, and somewhere along the way something is misinterpreted. And as someone who would change (almost) the entire aromantic dictionary if I could, I think I know where you're coming from. I got a little off track and rant-y. But what I was trying to get to was: I'm curious if you are open to explaining more about what you would like to call your sexuality, and why current labels aren't working for you. Totally understand if not though. Best wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
AVEN #1 fan Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Please, if you're thinking about coining a new gender, create one that doesn't sound ridiculous like "wafflegender" or pronouns like "bun/buns/bunself". Like this: Also, if no gender identity fits you ( agender included ), you can use maverique as an identity. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 I don't see much of a point in creating your own label. Labels are there for a quick, easy understanding. Making something up would mean that you'd have to explain it anyways, so why bother. Apart from "asexuality" itself, I have never heard of any of the terms used on here outside AVEN. Search engining labels I didn't know sent me back here 95% of the time. Disclaimer: I'm anti-labels. Labels are for bags of potatoes. Link to post Share on other sites
Éadweard Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Isn't this whole forum based on that concept? Link to post Share on other sites
Éadweard Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 3 hours ago, Homer said: I don't see much of a point in creating your own label. Labels are there for a quick, easy understanding. Making something up would mean that you'd have to explain it anyways, so why bother. Apart from "asexuality" itself, I have never heard of any of the terms used on here outside AVEN. Search engining labels I didn't know sent me back here 95% of the time. Disclaimer: I'm anti-labels. Labels are for bags of potatoes. I'm with you. Unless it's something the general public knows it's kind of pointless. Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 I'm also of the camp that we use labels to communicate the basics to other people. Like if someone asked another person why it takes a longer time for them to find a relationship, and even then it takes them a while to be sexually into it, that person can say "I'm demisexual. I don't feel any need for sex outside of a close emotional bond, and those can take a while to form." Or if someone asks me how never being in a relationship affects meeting my sexual needs, I can say "I'm asexual, so I don't feel the need to find someone to have sex with." If I used anything more specific than that I would lose the person's attention, and possibly my own credibility. If making your own label makes you feel more in tune with your own sexuality, sure, explore the meaning inside of words and how they relate to your inner feelings. But I don't think they will be of practical use to other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Dudette Posted June 25, 2017 Author Share Posted June 25, 2017 I agree that label is supposed to be used to express some kind of basics. But at the same time I want to revive an orientation which is called graysexuality in the aven wikis, but according to my exprience graysexuality means something completely different outside of aven wikis. Therefore, I want to use a different label for the same orientation which is defined in the aven wikis. Can I do that? like so Link to post Share on other sites
Puck Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 43 minutes ago, Dudette said: I agree that label is supposed to be used to express some kind of basics. But at the same time I want to revive an orientation which is called graysexuality in the aven wikis, but according to my exprience graysexuality means something completely different outside of aven wikis. Therefore, I want to use a different label for the same orientation which is defined in the aven wikis. Can I do that? like so May I ask what you are seeing in the AVEN wikis vs what you are feeling? Link to post Share on other sites
Dudette Posted June 25, 2017 Author Share Posted June 25, 2017 4 minutes ago, Puck said: May I ask what you are seeing in the AVEN wikis vs what you are feeling? Well, I like the definitions in the AVEN wikis because they are not narrow (so its like this definition is 50% of what I am feeling, but the 100% of my feelings are in the definition). While I look at the definitions outside of AVEN wikis, its like this definition is 50% of what I am feeling but 50% is not in the definition. Link to post Share on other sites
Grant me grACE Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 I absolutely hate labels, mostly because none of them fit me very well. I am a cis-woman, and love dressing to the nines in fabulous, sexy clothes and heels, but in college I liked to tie my hair back and wear what bordered on suits and ties for fun. I have always considered myself to be heterosexual, but then I've been attracted to two women, one of whom was my best friend whose kid I was helping raise, the other of whom I didn't know quite as long, but still shared a connection with. I don't consider myself to be trans, as that was never part of my identity (just a little cross-dressing for me, when I was feeling playful - just sort of a lark with friends), nor do I see myself as "bisexual" - I've been attracted almost exclusively to men, but with those two exceptions, so technically "heterosexual" isn't totally accurate either. "Demisexual" doesn't seem 100% right because in the past I've been attracted to men I barely knew, but with those two women, it was only after I had already formed that emotional relationship. "Biromantic" works, as I've developed romantic feelings toward cis-men and cis-women, but seeing as how I have *very* little desire for partnered sex, and could probably go without it for the rest of my life, I stick with "asexual." But in recent months, I've realized that I don't have a great desire for romantic relationships, so is "aromantic" better? Maybe I'm just dialing in on my exact identities/orientations as time goes by. "Demi-biromantic/demi-bisexual" might be the closest I get, but I'm very close to "aromantic-asexual," or some variation of those words, depending on the day, and the gender of the person in question. All that being said, if hard-pressed to label myself, I just say "biromantic-asexual - I have loved men and women, but don't feel a strong desire to have sex with anyone," as it seems the most expedient way to get across the general gist of what I mean/feel. However, as I said above, it's hardly accurate. A lesbian friend of mine said she needs labels to make things make sense in her mind, and when she came out and took ownership of that label for herself, it empowered her. I explained to her that yes, labels are a convenient shorthand for letting people know who/what you are, but for some of us, they make our brains itch. She said she would try not to label me, but that was something her brain needed to do, and considering all that up there, I said good luck! "Biro-ace" works well enough for most of my purposes, and even though some labels are like trying to do delicate needlepoint with a sledgehammer, I wouldn't create my own. I pick a shorthand that is close, and if someone wants to have a more in-depth conversation where I can explain why I also say "but it's complicated," I'm all for it. Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 On 25.6.2017 at 8:18 PM, Dudette said: I want to revive an orientation which is called graysexuality in the aven wikis The wiki search doesn't yield anything. Could you point me to a page where that term is used/explained? An internet search suggests that "gray sexuality" is a synonym for "gray asexuality", referring to the spectrum between sexuality and asexuality. But you probably have a different definition in mind, don't you? Link to post Share on other sites
Dudette Posted June 28, 2017 Author Share Posted June 28, 2017 2 hours ago, roland.o said: The wiki search doesn't yield anything. Could you point me to a page where that term is used/explained? An internet search suggests that "gray sexuality" is a synonym for "gray asexuality", referring to the spectrum between sexuality and asexuality. But you probably have a different definition in mind, don't you? http://wiki.asexuality.org/Gray-A_/_Grey-A Not really. Link to post Share on other sites
Day-Z Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 2 minutes ago, Dudette said: http://wiki.asexuality.org/Gray-A_/_Grey-A Not really. Man this is like the third time I've seen Gray-A described differently is this like the official one? I find Gray fits me but i stopped using the term when i kept seeing the meanings change.... Link to post Share on other sites
Dudette Posted June 29, 2017 Author Share Posted June 29, 2017 1 hour ago, Day-Z said: Man this is like the third time I've seen Gray-A described differently is this like the official one? I find Gray fits me but i stopped using the term when i kept seeing the meanings change.... According to AVEN the definitions on wiki and AVEN are both correct. Link to post Share on other sites
Day-Z Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 2 minutes ago, Dudette said: According to AVEN the definitions on wiki and AVEN are both correct. ah well maybe its time to start using Gray-A again hehe man so many labels so confusing Link to post Share on other sites
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