Am I aromantic? How did you find out you were?

[Kaitlynn]

Hey I'm new, not sure if I'm really doing this post right lol, but I just recently found out that being aromantic is a thing. I read it in a comic, and all the sudden it clicked. Could I be aromantic? I've never really had a bunch of crushes or liked anybody, I've only liked one person back in 7th grade. I don't really remember much but I think I genuinely liked him? maybe. People change but I'm still very confused as to what I am. I definitely don't want to get married and I've never dated. It's not that I havent had the chance to, multiple guys have had interest in me but I always turned them down. I just...didn't feel anything. I never really got why people dated and why people got married it just seems so suffocating and I wouldn't be able to handle it. The thing is, I loooooove romantic kdramas. I love the romance in it and I squeal when they finally kiss and stuff. That's what throws me off, can I still be aromantic and like romantic kdramas? if it's in like a TV show I don't like it but kdramas are different for some reason. Dating doesn't intrigue me and I haven't liked someone in yeaaaars. Can someone clear this up for me and tell me how you found out you were aromantic or just give general advice please?Honestly being aromantic scares me but makes so much sense. Not being in the stereotypical relationship like society taught me is just scary but freeing...I don't know...

[Jea]

Hi! Welcome

 

1 hour ago, Kaitlynn said:

can I still be aromantic and like romantic kdramas?

yes yes yes! I read fanfiction, and I'm completely aro. I may not squeal but I squeal internally when my OTP finally kisses

 

Of course, only you can ultimately decide, but to me it does sound as if you are aromantic, from what you describe. For instance:

 

1 hour ago, Kaitlynn said:

I just...didn't feel anything. I never really got why people dated and why people got married

...well that's pretty much what I feel and what tipped me off as to my identity.

 

As to the frightening part of it, being aromantic does not mean that you cannot have a relationship. There are many ways to live in a relationship, like for instance a queerplatonic relationship (QPR). For me, it just means that I see people differently, that I love people differently. But it's not necessarily incompatible with more traditional kinds of love. Hope that helps!

[kaseythefairy]

Welcome, Kaitlynn!

 

From what you are talking about, it seems to me that you could be aromantic. 

 

I realized I was aromantic when I fell upon an article about it. I researched a whole bunch, joined AVEN & Arocalypse (an aromantic forum), and did some soul searching. I still sometimes question my orientation, but I think some questioning is healthy and keeps me in check. In the end, it is up to you to identify as aromantic or not. 

 

11 hours ago, Kaitlynn said:

Honestly being aromantic scares me but makes so much sense. Not being in the stereotypical relationship like society taught me is just scary but freeing

In response to this, no need to be scared. For me, being aromantic alleviated a lot of internal stress and fear for me. I struggled a lot in the beginning and felt like there was something wrong with me. But If I could write a letter to my past self I'd say, "Romantic love is not the 'superior' type of love; platonic love is valid. All love is equal and valid." I wish I had realized that sooner. It would've saved me a lot of worrying, questioning, and stress. 

 

Best wishes!

[Someone Else]

Long, long before I considered or knew about asexuality, I suspected "something was up" in regards to me and romance.  
I can develop certain powerful bonds, (non-sexual) attractions, and emotions for women that I'm pretty sure I'll never feel for a guy.  Feelings stronger than what I'd call friendship, or "buddies." 
But I've never had that overwhelming madly in love thing.  When someone says "I love you more than life," I might say "you're really the coolest."  But not "I love you my sun and moon and I can't bear to be without you my dearest!" ... yeah, some romantic people get _really_ into their declarations of love.   I don't really get why valentine's day or anniversaries are so important (giving or receiving), or why gifts of dying roses are so important.  I'm told to stop calling valentine's day and anniversaries "mandatory trinket day;"  apparently that's the opposite of romance.
So... I don't know.  If this is aromantic, then I've probably always known.  Makes me kind of sad.  

[GreenCircles]

You definitely could be! Being aromantic doesn't mean you can't ship fictional characters. I don't watch kdramas but I have had romantic ships for TV shows before.

As for my experience - while I've known I'm asexual for 10 years, I have only really figured out I'm aromantic in the last year. 

I'm 28 and I've never dated or been in any relationships. Last year someone asked me out, and it made me really uncomfortable. At first I wasn't sure if it was anxiety-related (I have pretty bad anxiety in general), or if it was just that particular person, but then I thought about it more and I finally came to the conclusion that it wouldn't matter who asked me out. Even if I was comfortable with them, and liked who they were as a person, the idea of going out on dates with anyone would be uncomfortable. It wouldn't feel right.

 

Then I thought about the future, and the idea of being single for the rest of my life actually started to look pretty good. I'd always kind of thought that finding someone to be in a romantic relationship with was what I was 'supposed' to do, but if I took that pressure and expectation off of myself, I realized that I found the idea of remaining single and romantic relationship-free sounded better to me. I felt freed. And looking back, I was never one of those kids who dreamed about their future wedding day, or future husband. I never understood why kids in elementary school would pretend to go out with each other. 

 

I thought about what I would like, did some research, and found out about queer platonic relationships. It clicked for me. My ideal relationship would be a super-best friend/roommate situation. Live together and do fun things together (movies, museums, parks, regular friend things), but with none of the extra stuff - no hand-holding, kissing, other romantic things.