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I might be Asexual but I'm not sure please offer your Opinions


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Hello I'm an 18 year old male. For the longest time I've been unsure of my sexuality. Although I've never felt like it was too big a problem, just something to think about every-once-in-awhile. Since a young age I've self-identified as Bisexual and later Gynosexual(I think this is the term but what I mean is attracted to feminine people not necessarily females). For longest time I've believed this to be true and have fantasized about raising a family with either a wife or husband.

However the problem is that I don't think I've ever been "physically attracted" to anyone. When I was elementary school that I should start feeling attraction to people when I entered middle school. And upon reaching second year of middle school I was distraught to find that I did not feel the, as described, oh so wonderful feeling of love or attraction. I picked vague and popular characteristics when people asked me what I was into. I would say "oh, I like blondes" or similarly vapid. I eventually decided that people who I didn't hate, were feminine and looked friendly were "attractive".

This continued into high school. In high school I conceded to myself that I might be able to place some men under my definition of "attractive". But I didn't find anyone attractive in or outside of school. So I never perused a relationship because I never felt the attraction that I saw as required to do so.

Near graduation I began to identify as asexual (possibly gray-sexual) after I read about it online. Although it was around this time I think I felt attraction. It was a friend of mine. He sent me unintentional (I think) signals like buying me gifts and telling me the reason he introduced himself to me was because I looked "interesting". We began discussing sexual subjects like kinks and what type of people we're into. Later I discovered he was into kinks that complemented mine and during the conversation I felt my heart rate increase and got kinda nervous could not stop thinking of him after we finished that conversation. Oddly enough, after I went to bed and woke up this feeling went away and I stopped thinking of him. Even after I saw him again this feeling did not resurface. I was very confused. It matched some of my friends depictions of attraction, but if it was why did it go away so quickly? To this day I can't be sure if that was attraction, lust or something completely different.

Before then I solely found the idea of certain actions and concepts arousing. I thought that attraction was simply the ability or inability to get aroused by someone. Since I only got stimulated by concepts and not the people involved in these concepts I concluded that I didn't find people attractive. But the recent incident above made me reconsider my conclusion.

A friend of mine told me about this board. They told me that maybe I should post here and get some info about my situation. I don't know if I have some problem or if I'm an asexual or what. I just thought that I'd post and see if one of you folks had any insight into what's going on. I've tried telling a doctor and a counselor about this but they didn't offer useful advice. And I know that ultimately it's up for me to decide but a fresh voice may help. Sorry if this seems jumbled up I just wanted to get my thoughts across. If you read this far then I thank you for taking time out of your day to read this.

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awesomazingizzy

Welcome to AVEN :cake:

Reading through your post I would feel pretty confident saying that you may at least be on the asexual spectrum.  But as you have mentioned yourself, you're ultimately the only one who can decide for yourself whether the label "asexual" fits on you or not.  I'm not really that educated or knowledgeable on the topic of different sexual orientations, kinks or sexual fantasies and such, but I hope this made you realize that you're not alone and that it might have been helpful in some kind of way.

I hope you end up finding the answers that you're searching for and that the community here at AVEN can guide you. :)

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TheCatBehind

Hello! And welcome! :cake:

 

I just want to tell you straight up that we on AVEN, and anyone else in the world, can not label you. We can, however, point you towards some useful words and forums like this one! about grey asexuality and asexuals, or how I like to call it, about Graces ^^; and this one! A sub part of the greysexual forum all about sex! People there are more educated when it comes to kinks and whatnot, but I know for sure that having kinks, i.e. only feeling arousal in certain circumstances, is very much grey asexual-like. I call myself a Grace as well, recently I think I am closer to the black part of the spectrum (more asexual) and I'm still wondering if I might be demi. (You should check out the definition of demisexuality as well)

 

So kick back, relax, and have some cake! :cake:

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