Questions

[abby-3381]

 I have 2 quick questions about asexuality:

1. I'm 13 but I definitely know I'm asexual. How/when should I come out to my parents?

2. I can't tell if I'm heteromantic, homoromantic, aromatic, etc. How do I find out because I'm asexual? 

 

Thanks so much! 

[awesomazingizzy]

1. It all really depends on how your parents are and on how you think they might react to you coming out as asexual.  If you don't want to point-blank tell them that you're asexual, maybe write them a letter explaining how you feel or show them a video about it on YouTube (for example, this one by AmeliaAce specifically comes out for you).  Asexuality is not especially well known to the majority of people so be prepared for them not understanding what you mean if you just say "I'm asexual".  Also, as you're still quite young, be prepared for them to say that you either can't possibly know for sure or that it's probably just a phase.  But you're the best one to judge how you feel so if that does indeed happen, don't let it bring you down too much.  You always have friends on AVEN to support you and cheer you up 

 

2. Being asexual doesn't make it impossible to determine your romantic identity, although I can understand that for some it might make the journey a bit more difficult.  I guess you can start by answering these questions : Did you ever experience romantic attraction, or do you think that you may have?  Did you ever have a crush?  Were you ever in a romantic relationship with someone?  Was it a good, bad or awkward experience for you?  What gender were the people that you thought about while answering the first few questions?  Can you distinguish platonic feelings from romantic feelings (I know I have a hard time sometimes with that)?  Does gender identity or gender expression matter to you in a potential romantic partner?  Are you even interested in being in a romantic relationship?  I guess the only way to find out what your romantic identity is is by tuning in with yourself, with how you feel and with how others around you make you feel.  There's not really one single way to do it ; it's your own self-discovering journey and you might just need time and experience to figure it all out.

 

I don't know how helpful this was for you but I hope you might be able to take at least something out of it.

Just remember that you're the best expert on you that there is and that questioning yourself on who you are is not something to be ashamed about.

Good luck to you  

[MrDane]

Hi @abby-3381

instead of labelling yourself, with the risk of having to re-label yourself quite a few times during the next couple of years, then...

 

perhaps, just say things like: "some of my friends talk a lot about getting a boyfriend/girlfriend and want to have sex in the future. I really dont like that thought. I dont even picture myself being close with someone !"     

 

But... point is: you are 13. Hormones are flushing thru your body/mind and changes you from being child-you towards being grown-up-you. You need to let time pass and see what happens. Find your own 'flow' and go with it! 

 

Many teenagers shifts constantly between 'I know exactly how I feel about...' and 'I have no idea what my feelings are telling me!'

 

on AVEN, you will meet quite a few people, who will happily and wholeheartedly help you. Some of them migth forget, that only 1% of the world are asexuals. You could turn out to be among the 99% instead. (Like me!)

[gisiebob]

1: in one year, thirteen days and nine hours as of the timestamp on your post. if that timescale is too ridged for you, consider not using one. 2: try taking a ph test of your saliva. this will tell you how much hydrogen is in your spit. which will inform you of everything you need to know about your romantic orientation, as you will have just stuck a piece of paper in your mouth and if that hasn't brought you any closer to a diffinitive answer then it probably isn't very important to you. in both cases it is probably easier to figure out the answer after you have already found out what the answer is. sorry if my words don't seem very helpful.

 

[Busrider]

2 (Sorry to say this): "Wait & see" <- From hindsight! You might notice yourself enjoying to cuddle & kiss people someday. - With a bit of luck their gender is close to binary enough to hint towards a romantic orientation of yours?

 

1 Don't entirely. - It makes little sense and usually triggers demotivating bullshit like: "You are too young to know / - haven't found the right person yet..." I recommend making baby steps: "Sorry, I am not into that stuff yet; I still feel like fitting the definition of an asexual".