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Asexual?


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All right, I have been thinking about this for a while and I feel like this is a good place to post this. I feel as though I might be asexual, but can't help but feel "fake" sometimes. I relate to many, but there are some things that I don't relate to in other aces, and I just want to describe how I feel and maybe hear from some of you?

Right, so, I have called myself a heteroromantic asexual. I never thought there was something wrong with me because I did feel attraction to others. I felt butterflies in my stomach and an urge to be close to someone, hold their hand, etc. That was my attraction. I believed it to be sexual attraction. Later on, I realized that as more people spoke about sex or significant others, I found it really uninteresting and even gross. I could die a virgin and be perfectly happy; in fact, I'd prefer it. I have no urge to have sex at all, or to be sexually touched (including kissing) by another person. I have been sexually aroused, but only by reading certain things, and never by imagining myself in any situation. Actually imagining myself having sex or being touched by another person is uncomfortable to me. So, I guess what I'm describing is this: I know what sexual arousal feels like, but have never felt this for  or because of another person. I've seen good-looking people and thought that they were good-looking, and wanted to be close to them romantically. But the most I want to do is cuddle, or hold hands, or even just small kisses. The romantic connection is what I want, far more than sex. I've never been aroused by another person or had wanted to be sexual with another person, not once.  I've had one boyfriend before, and I hadn't felt any of this sexual attraction or urges with him either. I had started to think that maybe I didnt like the sexual contact side of things when I realized that i began dreading kissing him. I had only kissed him because he initiated it and it immediately shut me down. 

 

I would love to hear from you guys about this, because the fact that I feel attraction to others makes me think that maybe I'm not asexual, even if I define that attraction as romantic. In the end, I know that only I can define myself, but to have a little support would really comfort me. 

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Hello! Absolutely, this sounds like textbook asexuality to me. It may seem weird to put it this way, but you could think of it as "not feeling sexual attraction to people, or in a sense, not desiring sex with people." Being sexually stimulated is a physical response, but what we focus on is the catalyst. It also seems like you do desire a platonic romantic relationship, because it sounds like you described romantic attraction with a whiff of sex-repulsed asexuality.

 

Hope this helps!

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TopHatCat, thank you, it definitely helps :) I've been worried that I might seem fake for trying to describe myself as asexual because of the attraction thing  and finding some confirmation really makes me feel better about that :3

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Four different types of attraction: sexual, romantic, aesthetic, and sensual.  Being asexual only means you don't feel sexual attraction.  Another definition of asexual is having no desire for partnered sexual activity.  By what you've posted, it sounds like you fit both definitions (but you have to make that call).

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Anthracite_Impreza

Since you don't desire sex even after making out I'd say there's a good chance you're asexual.

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binary suns
11 hours ago, Karlyklt said:

So, I guess what I'm describing is this: I know what sexual arousal feels like, but have never felt this for  or because of another person. I've seen good-looking people and thought that they were good-looking, and wanted to be close to them romantically. But the most I want to do is cuddle, or hold hands, or even just small kisses. The romantic connection is what I want, far more than sex. I've never been aroused by another person or had wanted to be sexual with another person, not once. 

about half humans don't spontenaeously just feel aroused from a stranger - instead, they don't feel sexual excitement until an intimate moment with a trusted close partner. they may feel attracted however - just it isn't "wanna bang" attraction. 

 

for you, I'd recommend, that you seem to know you're interested in romance. if you are, and there's someone you wanna be with, focus on that for now. if such a relationship occurs, then yay romance! this is the goal. and in regards to sex - if you feel comfortable approaching sexuality in your relationship - then go ahead and do so. if you don't feel comfortable with it and want to not do it at all - then don't. that's fine too. if your partner isn't comfortable with this uncertainty, they aren't the person for you right now in your life - move on. and eventually, you'll better understand - do you want sex in your relationship, or do you want an asexual relationship? then you will know if youa re ace, grey, or sexual. 

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