is anyone else questioning their romantic orientation

[winchester.kaz2y5]

I have known I'm Asexual for about 5 months but I've recently started questioning my romantic identity. I was just wondering if anyone else was having trouble finding their romantic identity? I'm thinking maybe I am Panromantic but I really don't know. 

 

That's all I just wanted to know if anyone else can shed some light on, or relate to the subject.

[TheAP]

Moved from Questions about Asexuality to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations.

 

TheAP

Questions about Asexuality co-mod

[TheAP]

And yes, I can relate. I experience intense obsessions with both males and females, but I don't know if they're romantic or not. Some of them feel kind of romantic, but others definitely aren't. That's why I call myself quoiromantic: it means I have trouble distinguishing between romantic and platonic attraction.

[gaogao]

I can relate. I question it sometimes but I think my orientation appears to everyone else to be homoromantic so I just go with it and identify that way - it's close enough.

 

In terms of what I've actually felt - I've very, very rarely been attracted/attached to people, and out of the very few times I have, they have mostly been girls. I say I am homoromantic because (due to bad experiences) I do not find it easy to trust or be friends with men, and I find that friendship is prerequisite for me developing any kind of attachment to a person. However, I don't really feel my attraction has ever been particularly romantic in nature or tied to gender - I just get very attached to friends occasionally and end up wanting attention from them.

 

In that sense, it ends up being complicated, but I ended up in a relationship with a girl that I love v much now and I think that it's much easier for me to say I'm homoromantic than try to analyse it too deeply!

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

Sort of..but I'm getting closer..

[LandonH]

yes, I am very confused and fall into a type of attraction that can be platonic, sexual, or romantic but I can't tell the difference between these types of attraction and what it means for me. Pretty much my attraction is flexible but mostly sexual and romantic attraction after a strong bond is formed. It's confusing because it can be demisexual and it can't at the same time. My orientation changes but as an umbrella term, I'm pansexual!

Also, life is a path of discovery and you don't always need a label, for example, I'm Landon who is attracted to everyone in a platonic, sensual,  aesthetic, and sometimes romantic way. I'm mostly attracted to people after a small bond is formed, and has yet to see any physical trends in the people I wind up attracted to.
 

[Silk Bones]

I'm just about the same, and this will sound extremely confusing but..

 

I feel that I'm panromantic because I feel and know I'm romantically attracted to others regardless of gender identity. Though on the other hand I feel I'm mostly attracted to male/masculine identified people, or those who have masculine features. So I'd figure I would be homoromantic.. but I still wouldn't want to stick with that because I also feel attracted to very few feminine people. Christ I'm just so puzzled on this.  It's a hard road to follow, and sometimes I feel it's so much better to not worry about the labels. However, it's still also interesting to learn about the many different orientations, and genders, that one could possibly match up to.

[Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet]

I'm totally questioning my romantic orientation.

 

[fatal flower-boy]

Yup, I am. EVERYDAY. Have you been in a relationship? I feel like in order for people like us to find out, we maybe should "test the waters" and maybe try a relationship? I haven't been in a relationship, so I don't really know, even when my mind says "no way" one day, then "maybe" the next day. So, maybe... If you aren't sure, maybe try? Idk, just a thought.

[Guest]

In all honesty I have bouts of wondering if I'm greyromantic who experiences crushes but may not desire an actual relationship in reality (I definitely am pretty apathetic about it and so many around me seem so hung up on wanting a relationship in comparison), but in all probability I am simply heteroromantic who is less preoccupied with that stuff than most. Maybe if I'm suddenly thirty and still have never been in a relationship or felt a need for one I can think about adopting an a-spec label.

[TheCatBehind]

I can very much relate;;

 

I think I'm demiromantic, because I've had only one crush, and it was a strooong one. I was attracted towards a guy, so that would categorise me into the homoromantic, but I'm 90% sure I can feel attraction towards females as well, and I guess I did, but I also was 5 when I had strong romantic feelings towards a girl, so I don't count that as evidence because of the age... then I don't think I would have problems loving a transgender person or any other gender identity person, so I would count myself as pan, BUT I DO NOT HAVE THE EXPERIENCE AND IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.

 

...but in the end I will just go with the flow. Whoever I feel romantically and emotionally attracted will be my orientation lol (which classifies as demishsksbdhrmsagensk)

[hugbear]

I had two squishes(?), which overlapped for a period of time. The first one I developed I think was because of spending time with her alone for a quite long time. We would go to nearly every class together, and we would sit together at breaks and we'd walk home together every day. That does sound like like an average friendship when I read it, but to me it was so much more. Then, after we gained two new party members and I couldn't contribute to fashion and boyfriend conversations, my affection(?) for her just disappeared one day. Like, overnight. 

My other squish, which I still have, is at least 5 times stronger to what I had for the first one. We just click together; we have the same interests, conversation topics are easy to find, and even when we have nothing to talk about we can talk nonsense, and we just understand eachother.

 

With both of them I wanted to have physical contact; holding hands, hugging, or just sitting together closely. Nothing more. 

With my second, it's more of a constant itch which will never be satisfied rather than the 'I wish' I had for my first one.

I really adore J (second squish), and I really can't find any faults with her . The things others find annoying about her just don't bother me at all...

I have an intense want to be with her, and I can't help but grin in her presence, even though I'm a generally poker faced person.

I don't know if this is a romantic attraction, or purely platonic, but whatever it is, I'm scared it will go away one day like with the first one. 

 

On 6/22/2017 at 5:04 PM, TheAP said:

I experience intense obsessions with both males and females, but I don't know if they're romantic or not.

What TheAP wrote made me realise that what I'm feeling is much more of an obsession than I realised before.

 

What's the romantic equivalent to demi-sexuality? If I had to make a blind guess, that's probably what I am.

[TheAP]

Just now, hugbear said:

What's the romantic equivalent to demi-sexuality? If I had to make a blind guess, that's probably what I am.

Demiromantic is a thing.

[hugbear]

I looked it up and, I guess I could be demiromantic...?  I mean, I can see us living together and going on moonlit walks on the shore, so...

As long as it doesn't go away this time, I'll be happy; even if my feelings aren't mutual.

 

Maybe even demi homoromantc? I wouldn't know due to lack of experience, but that's possible.

[awesomazingizzy]

On 6/22/2017 at 11:53 AM, winchester.kaz2y5 said:

I have known I'm Asexual for about 5 months but I've recently started questioning my romantic identity. I was just wondering if anyone else was having trouble finding their romantic identity? I'm thinking maybe I am Panromantic but I really don't know. 

 

That's all I just wanted to know if anyone else can shed some light on, or relate to the subject.

My situation is basically the same as yours.

 

I started identifying as asexual 10 months ago (omg I just counted the months in my head and I swear I thought it was less than that! Time goes by so fast!) and after that I seriously started questioning my romantic identity although I already had the feeling that I knew I wasn't straight.  Right now I identify as demiromantic/panromantic because I've only had like 5 serious crushes in my life (4 boys and 1 girl - although some of those might have actually been squishes now that i think about it??) and gender identity or gender expression never really mattered to me anyway.  But I don't actually know if those labels are right for me.  I've never been in a romantic relationship and I don't particularly want one (tbh the idea of me dating someone is a little awkward for me to think about) but I certainly wouldn't mind having a very strong platonic relationship with someone that I had a strong connection with (like a QPR).

 

Anyway, I think that questioning your romantic identity once you acknowledge the fact that you're asexual is pretty normal.  You've discovered that you never (or maybe seldom) experience sexual attraction towards people of any gender and now you're questioning where you stand in regards to romantic attraction.  For some people it's easy (they just know that they're heteroromantic, homoromantic, aromantic, etc.) and for others it's a little more complicated than that.  This is your self-discovery journey and many of us go through our own (I'm definitely still discovering who I am and in more aspects than just romantic identity).

 

I'm not exactly sure if this was helpful in any way but I just wanted to share my experience and advice with you 

[Kaitlynn]

Yup definitely, trying to figure out if I'm aromantic. I might be demiromantic but I'm not sure. I think I'll have to figure out that one as time goes on. It's honestly scary to me being aromantic, I was always taught to be in a relationship and it's normal but I never wanted to get married or date anyone.

[Feryn_Hyte]

On ‎6‎/‎22‎/‎2017 at 10:53 AM, winchester.kaz2y5 said:

I have known I'm Asexual for about 5 months but I've recently started questioning my romantic identity. I was just wondering if anyone else was having trouble finding their romantic identity? I'm thinking maybe I am Panromantic but I really don't know. 

 

That's all I just wanted to know if anyone else can shed some light on, or relate to the subject.

Yeah, I'm kind of in the same boat as you as far as knowing my romantic orientation. I only had one crush in my entire life, it lasted about a week, then went away. Honestly, it's the only thing giving me doubt as to my romantic orientation, and it's kind of annoying sometimes.

[Éadweard]

I question why everyone seems to think they are required to attach this extra romantic label to themselves. 

[winchester.kaz2y5]

thank you for sharing I have figured some things out and I think I'm might start identifying as panromantic. This is why I love this site, there's so much support so thank you everyone.

[Lemonsky]

I'm also pretty much questioning or so it feels like, but not like what gender I might be attracted to since I already kind of know that to me women are attractive in the romantic sense - but instead I'm questioning if I'm attracted to anyone romantically at all. Sometimes it feels like a romantic relationship would be nice but at the same time the picture of me being in a relationship with someone feels strange. If that makes any sense or is related to the topic. 

[orangecat]

I am constant in doubt about myself being aromantic ...or just selfish enough to not feel love from or to others.