I am confused..Am I gray asexual or straight or lesbian?

[rai das]

I am a 23 year old girl.I am confused about my sexual orientation...Can anybody please tell me what my sexual orientation could be?

 

First let me tell you when I get sexually aroused.I do not enjoy watching porn.I have watched porn 2 or 3 times but I dont really like it,nor I get sexually aroused while watching porn. I do get turned on and I bed hump(if you call bed humping masturbation...then yes i masturbate and I only bed hump only for 2-3  mins) when I watch sex scenes from Hollywood movies(like when the boy is  enjoying a naked woman's body and they are kissing,cuddling and the boy is touching/kissing/sucking the girl's bare breasts and her entire naked body ).I mostly get turned on when I see videos of  boys sucking/kiss girl's bare breasts but I dont like to see  videos of women kissing men's body.I like guys but I have never been attracted to naked body of boys.I  dont have any interest in seeing a shirtless boy or his penis.I like it more when a boy has his shirt on.

I have had 10 crushes on men so far and I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 2 years and this is my first relationship and I love my boyfriend very much.

The problem is when I kiss my bf  or make out with my bf,I dont really enjoy it. Earlier when I used to see kissing scenes on movies ,I would get turned on and thought it would be interesting to kiss my bf but When I actually kissed for the first time,I didnt really enjoy kissing much.Now when I make out with my bf for hours,I dont really enjoy the make out/kissing .I have never had sex with my bf yet ..and I dont think I have much desire to have sex with anyone.Its not that I hate the idea of having sex but Its just that I dont have much interest in having sex.I don't think I am repulsed by the idea of sex.Its just that I dont have much desire to have sex.I think I just dont need it...It wouldn't bother me much even if I had to stay single and remain virgin for the rest of my life but also theres a little part of me that wants to have sex once in my   lifetime mostly because everybody  have sex and also I want to find out whether I would enjoy sex or not.I only get turned on  and enjoy  it when my bf presses/ kisses my naked breasts and this is the only part I like and I also like it when he kisses my neck but not for very long.I neither wanna see my bf naked as I said i dont have any interest in seeing the naked body of a male.I neither enjoy kissing his body.I do not enjoy kissing him or cuddling  ,I just enjoy the romantic part of the relationship more(like going on dates.spending time with him,holding hands and chatting )

 

Oh..theres one more thing I want to add.I like it and get a bit turned on when I see  naked body of  female models on videos but in real life I have never been attracted to any female.I neither have any interest in seeing any female's naked body in real life.Its only  when I see any a fully clothed guy kissing all over naked woman's body only on movies(not porn)I get turned on.I  think I get aroused more to  the though/the visual representation of men having sex with women and enjoying women 's naked body rather than the women's naked body itself .so that makes my wonder what my sexual orientation could be...Am I asexual or a lesbian(since I prefer a  female naked body over a man's naked body on movies but all my crushes were on men in real life.I have never had any crush on women)...(even though I get attracted to a female naked body being kissed by men on movies,I hate lesbian sex scenes.I only enjoy sex scenes involving fully clothed man and naked woman.I  think I get aroused more to  the though/the visual representation of men having sex with women and enjoying women 's naked body rather than the women's naked body itself ). In real life I have always had crushes only on guys

so ...can anybody tell me what my sexual  orientation is?....I am confused...Am I straight or am I asexual or gray asexual or lesbian? or am I a straight girl with very very low sex drive?

[roland.o]

Hello rai das, and welcome to the forums. I think it's customary to present some . There's a nice legend about it in the wiki.

 

Obviously, nobody can tell you what your sexual orientation is. Only you know how you feel, so only you can choose the labels that describe you best. Maybe read up on some labels, try them on, see how they make you feel? Then adopt the ones that make you feel better at this point in time :-)

 

I found it helpful to distinguish the different types of attraction. Maybe you can reduce your confusion by considering them separately? Choose one label for your romantic orientation, another for your sexual orientation, and then work out how they fit together?

 

What you see in movies is an aesthetic or sensual experience. The crushes hint at your romantic orientation. Would you feel comfortable with calling yourself hetero-romantic, because all your crushes were on men? The sexual orientation will be harder to grasp... the fantasies or visuals that arouse you might be misleading, because libido is different from sexual attraction. Since you've never felt attracted to naked bodies, I think it's likely that you'll find your place somewhere on the asexual spectrum.

 

Following a train of thought I got while typing... the movie scenes you mention are visual representations, and quite different from actual experiences. Porn is visual depiction of sexual intercourse, whereas many sex scenes in non-adult movies are visual representations of romantic relations. Maybe you experience romantic attraction, but are indifferent towards the sensual experience, and even repulsed by the idea of sex? Does that make any sense? I hope it gives you at least some starting points for sorting out your feelings.

[rai das]

Thankyou roland.o for the reply:)

1 hour ago, roland.o said:

Hello rai das, and welcome to the forums. I think it's customary to present some . There's a nice legend about it in the wiki.

 

Obviously, nobody can tell you what your sexual orientation is. Only you know how you feel, so only you can choose the labels that describe you best. Maybe read up on some labels, try them on, see how they make you feel? Then adopt the ones that make you feel better at this point in time :-)

 

I found it helpful to distinguish the different types of attraction. Maybe you can reduce your confusion by considering them separately? Choose one label for your romantic orientation, another for your sexual orientation, and then work out how they fit together?

 

What you see in movies is an aesthetic or sensual experience. The crushes hint at your romantic orientation. Would you feel comfortable with calling yourself hetero-romantic, because all your crushes were on men? The sexual orientation will be harder to grasp... the fantasies or visuals that arouse you might be misleading, because libido is different from sexual attraction. Since you've never felt attracted to naked bodies, I think it's likely that you'll find your place somewhere on the asexual spectrum.

 

Following a train of thought I got while typing... the movie scenes you mention are visual representations, and quite different from actual experiences. Porn is visual depiction of sexual intercourse, whereas many sex scenes in non-adult movies are visual representations of romantic relations. Maybe you experience romantic attraction, but are indifferent towards the sensual experience, and even repulsed by the idea of sex? Does that make any sense? I hope it gives you at least some starting points for sorting out your feelings.

 Thankyou roland.o for the reply:)

 

I don't think I am repulsed by the idea of sex.Its just that I dont have much desire to have sex.I think I just dont need it...It wouldnt bother me much even if I had to stay single and remain virgin for the rest of my life but also theres a little part of me that wants to have sex once in my   lifetime mostly because everybody  have sex and also I want to find out whether I would enjoy sex or not.I guess I am hetero-romatic since all my crushes are on men.But I dont get attracted to a male's naked body(neither naked men on movies nor my bf's naked body in real life) I am neither  attracted to a naked woman's body in real life but I get turned on when I see any a fully clothed guy kissing all over naked woman's body only on movies(not porn).I  think I get aroused more to  the though/the visual represenation of men having sex with women and enjoying women 's naked body rather than the women's naked body itself .so that makes my wonder what my sexual orientation could be...Am I asexual or a lesbian(since I prefer a  female naked body over a man's naked body on movies but all my crushes were on men in real life.I have never had any crush on women)...or am I a straight girl with very very low sex drive?

 

[binary suns]

break up with your boyfriend and date someone else. you can't know if you don't have experience. 

 

and if you don't want that experience, it's totally ok to not even go out looking for it. if you want to build up your life with friends, family, and your hobbies. and no intimacy on a romantic or sexual level. then go ahead and do that. 

 

 

I am grey - I know this because, I find women attractive. When I first found out about asexuality I realized that - maybe I don't find them sexually attractive? but it wasn't very clear for me. a lot of the things aces said being ace was like didn't make sense, but a lot of other things did. and a lot of things I heard being sexual was like definitely felt foreign to, but some of it felt familiar. after awhile I figured out, that I do find people sexually attractive. but, that does not generate a desire for sexual contact with others. Because of that I identify as grey. it's a long story lol.. but maybe hearing me with that "intro" to my story can help you find a beginning to your understanding. 

[roland.o]

22 hours ago, rai das said:

I  think I get aroused more to  the though/the visual represenation of men having sex with women and enjoying women 's naked body rather than the women's naked body itself .so that makes my wonder what my sexual orientation could be...Am I asexual or a lesbian(since I prefer a  female naked body over a man's naked body on movies but all my crushes were on men in real life.I have never had any crush on women)...or am I a straight girl with very very low sex drive?

Have you read some of the pages I linked in my previous post? Those explain things much better than I ever could.

 

Visuals are not sexual attraction. I've seen guys whom I'd call beautiful, or even hot, but that doesn't make me gay or bi. Beautiful just means "nice to look at" for me, and hot means "I can understand that other people would feel sexually attracted to that guy". I'm not feeling sexual attraction towards men, no matter how good they look or how nice they are, or how good we get along with eachother. I've also kissed men, and it was nice - but no more. Sensual, but not sexual.

 

Arousal is also not sexual attraction. Some people consume porn or fantasize to get aroused, without being sexually attracted to anyone. Life is easier if the thoughts that arouse are in line with one's romantic and sexual orientations, I guess. But these forums here are crowded with people where these things are not aligned, or do not fall into binary categories. Hence the multitude of labels. What you tell of yourself gives me the impression that your romantic and sexual orientations are not aligned.

 

Do you feel a need to label yourself straight or lesbian? You can go with either if it makes you feel better. And you can change your label(s) at any time, when you find our more about yourself, when your sexuality changes, or when you just get a nagging feeling that a label isn't right for you anymore. You could also go with "undecided", "asexual (so far)", or "grey a". Or all of those, and more, depending on the audience and how much you want to tell them about yourself.

 

Teagan1 is right: you can't know if you don't have experience. Pick the label(s) that best describe(s) how you feel now, at this point in your life, with the experiences you have. Then reconsider as you make new experiences and get to know yourself better. Labels don't define who you are. They're only a way for you to describe who you are. Nobody can tell you who you are. You'll have to figure that out, over time. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.