sexuality being used as a means to an end

[Guest]

So, what I wanted to ask is, has anybody here ever felt like they have tried to use things like sexuality and masturbation, as a substitute for something else, like for example if you feel that you aren't respected in your life have you ever say explored being a sadist in bdsm culture? or the opposite if you feel like your life is too in control.

 

Basically I'm asking if you ever tried to substitute something that don't/can't get in your life via your sex life? and if so, why do you think you did so as opposed to seeking what you wanted in your actual life, and if you found a way to actually get what you wanted so you didn't have to substitute it, how did you do so? I hope this question doesn't break tos, please feel free to remove it if it does.

 

While I don't want to got into to much detail I feel as though I might be doing this in my personal life, so it would be nice to get someone elses opinion on this.

[Puck]

Well, I'm asexual to the extent that I don't feel any need or want to have sex. So that's a no to your question for me

 

However, I do notice I substitute things in my life when I can't get what I actually want, so I can see how that might happen. I think sex is such an emotional act and, especially when one does it with another person, one can feel either full control or release depending on how you do it. It can be a very powerful act and people can channel whatever they want into it. Especially with how our society talks about sex, often speaking like it's "conquering" someone or subduing them. Though of course, not everyone sees it that way.

 

I think it's just in how people view it or feel about it.

[Flygunn]

I suppose one could say that my desire for a lifelong friend that is closer than a friendship could be analogous to wanting a romantic/sexual partner, if that helps or is relevant.

 

As a substitute for sexuality, I mean, not as using sexuality as a substitute! I do NOT want that with friends!

[aceidk]

3 hours ago, teaandpeppermints said:

While I don't want to got into to much detail I feel as though I might be doing this in my personal life, so it would be nice to get someone elses opinion on this.

I don't have any personal experience to share, but maybe the body of writing around the word "escapism" may provide some answers, especially in the context of sexual escapism.