pointless trans guy gender ramblings

[Scorpio-kage]

I've been questioning whether or not I'm trans for a while now and the idea absolutely terrifies the crap out of me because the entire process of coming out to every single person you know and possibly facing rejection and having to deal with all the social consequences is so overwhelming.

 

My next step in kinda trying to figure stuff out is gonna be trying to go undercover stealth as a boy and see if I can get any random strangers to actually assume I'm a boy.  When I was a teenager and I dressed in long shorts and tied my hair back I had a few people think a was a boy sometimes. My voice is relatively low and I have a binder now and I think I might be able to pass if I go out dressed right. And I'll see how I feel then. 

 

But there's a big difference than dressing up as a boy sometimes and actually having to completely uproot your life to be trans are two enormously different things and I just don't know if I'm strong enough to go through with it. I think if I can pass well before getting top surgery/hormone therapy that would be a big help because honestly I hate the idea of being publicly trans but still being seen as a girl.

 

But I mean I'm used to female pronouns and my name and stuff even if I've never really actually identified as female and it's not like I'm constantly dying inside when people call me she it's just that I feel so much better when I look masculine. But I enjoy having long hair and I know a lot of guys have long hair but I feel like no one will take me seriously unless I cut it.

 

Anyways I guess if I can work up the nerve to do my trial run with strangers I'll post an update. Thanks for reading, feel free to like, give me advice if you want.

[Mezzo Forte]

I know what you're feeling all too well. My biggest roadblock to transitioning was my fear of the coming out/social transition process. Heck, I didn't start socially transitioning until long after the medical transition was obvious, and it was still the scariest thing I've ever done despite the near universal support I got. I started HRT a lot sooner than I thought I would, but I'm actually glad that I transitioned when I did, because now I don't feel like I have to abandon my past to live my life and I have a huge support network to show for it.

 

As far as long hair goes, I wore mine long until ~2 months into HRT. Main reason I cut it was that I was actually getting self-conscious of my hairline. (Plus, I was getting sick of strangers accidentally sitting on my hair on public transit. ) I took a lot of pride in my hair, but ultimately felt ready to cut it. With how common long hair on men has gotten, less and less people are going to discredit you for liking your long hair. Admittedly, it can hinder passing in the early stages to some extent, but especially as HRT starts working its magic, passing with long hair isn't impossible. If you're not ready/interested in cutting your hair, then might as well enjoy having it.  

 

Regardless, I think having a plan of attack is really helpful as you sort through your thoughts and feelings, so you seem like you're going in the right direction! Best of luck with everything! 

[c_nterella]

Yeah, socially transitioning feels awful personally. why would i want to awkwardly come out to people I used to know? oh btw this is my name now and i'm not a girl. I can barely even ask ppl to use the right pronouns. ugh. I feel ya on having long hair. I cut mine short after feeling dsyphoric and shit, so i'm growing it out again. even if my dad says that my long hair was confusing him.

[AVEN #1 fan]

My hair always was long and I never cared for trying to be more feminine, after cutting my hair short due to depression,  I realized that I was no longer being perceived as what I liked, as ambiguous,  and it's funny bc all of sudden I started to care about stuff like  painting  my nails more often.

[Zoningout]

Life is short don't worry about other people's approval over your appearance If you want your hair to be long then keep your hair long other people will get up and get over it and if you're scared of them not taking you seriously keep in mind that there are cisgendered people who walk around everyday with long hair and go through the same problems. Do they stop? no they still walk around with long hair they don't let that discourage them from having long hair because then they would just be breaking under pressure from what society wants to see instead of how they actually want to look and what they're comfortable with.

 

And if you're wanting to keep your hair short then keep your hair short. But don't do something because you fear what other people are going to think about you don't live your life fearful of the outcomes because you only have one life live it how you please. Every person who has started transitioning and whatever way they consider to be transitioning or even questioning has gone through the struggle the fears and the doubts and all of those people have at some point during this time has probably told themselves they're not brave enough to do something i was also one of them people only just last year. The problem with that thinking is that you are brave enough you are strong enough what you're doing simply questioning society norms and what other people are telling you you shouldn't shouldn't do is being brave is also being strong. You going out there and getting your first binder expressing yourself with your clothing is strong, is brave so don't push yourself down because you start  to discount what you've done that is strong already. 

 

And when it comes to people accepting you and appreciating you for who you are remember that you've already been through some of that I'm sure there has been times where a bully in your school didn't like you for some other reason or didn't approve of something you were doing or a teacher might have not liked what you presented them for work even though you worked very hard on it  and you found happiness and what you accomplished. That's no different than anything else I'm sorry but it's not. It's difficult to have to break away from how other people want you to be or the things other people want you to do but you've done it before even if you don't remember it. I guarantee you there is something that you've done before that's the same exact thing as what you're doing now just a little bit harder than the usual and you can do it again and when you do do it again in the end you find a lot more accepting and worthwhile people to have discussions with instead of sitting around people who are really just going to criticize and bully you for the rest of your life why stay around them anyways? I say be who you are and the people who really matter will come along. 

 

Another quick example would be: I have a mean family they are not nice people and love gossip and putting others down for their own amusement 

if i chose to stick around that family who would i be? 

 

[Amathy]

I'll admit it is scary and overwhelming at times.  Only you can decide what you want to do and when you're ready.  Do what makes you feel the most comfortable.  It sounds like you could pass without any hormones or surgery if people mistook you as a male when you were a teenager, especially as you had long hair.  I highly recommend a trial run if you are in a safe place to do so. I think this will be especially helpful when figuring out the hair.  Sadly, people judge gender based on hair with shocking frequency.  Look up masculine styles and see what works.  I've encountered the greatest success with the man bun (hate that the bun needs to be clarified as masculine but I can't think of a better way to describe specifically what I'm talking about).