Changing sexuality

[lilladyeva]

Hi, has anyone ever heard of someone changing sexuality? Or becoming asexual? I used to be sexual, I felt sexual attraction, felt pleasure from sex. Sex used to be important. Some time around five years ago it stopped. (When I was 25).

 

Sex and sexual activity became boring, like a chore. I didn't think much of it at the time, I had mental health issues going on as well as family stuff and work stuff. But as the mental health and other things resolved the sexual desire never came back.

 

I tried everything, switching my meds, I talked to my doctor who referred me to my psychiatrist who referred me to a couple's counsellor. The couples counsellor was baffled because my relationship with my husband was perfect, I just no longer wanted to have sex. It wasn't painful or scary, it was just...boring.

 

I am now seeing a therapist who specializes in sexual issues and although we have just started I am doubtful things will change as she is baffled by my lack of arousal. Nothing arouses me. Not that I do not get horny, but the arousal is spontaneous (not triggered by any stimuli) and really I would rather just masturbate and get it over with and get on with my life and not involve anyone else.

 

Whave also tried so many things thinking that maybe I was bored or fray sexual. We experimented with dating other people and although I developed crushes I wasn't interested in sex with them either.

 

It is looking more and more like I am asexual, but I didn't know sexuality could change? Has anyone else had this experience?

[Luftschlosseule]

Sexuality is said to be fluid. I've never experienced this myself, but maybe other here will be able to give you personal experiences in story form.

Since I, too, have mental health issues and take meds because of  them, I asked myself if I am really asexual a few times, but as I looked into it, those things are more likely to affect your libido, not your orientation, whom you feel sexual attraction towards - or whom you don't feel attraction towards.
I see that I have a change in libido, it's decreasing compared to a few years back, but my orientation didn't change, and I think it's because my hormone levels are more stable after puberty. And as I took meds with really heavy side effects, it was more an affected libido than orientation.

 

 

Another thought: Maybe you could be demisexual and since five years you simply don't meet the right kind of people.
The only person who'll be able to label you are yourself. I hope you find something you can feel comfortable with. (:

[Zacharie]

I've had the exact same experience!

 

Well... maybe no exactly like yours but I too stopped having interest in any kind of sexual activities and related topics around 25. I also have depression and anxiety that have been part of my life since I was very little, but I don't think it's related to what I feel about my sexuality because I still have my libido just fine and I'm physically ok. 

 

I still don't know what it means though.

[lilladyeva]

1 hour ago, Lar said:

I've had the exact same experience!

 

Well... maybe no exactly like yours but I too stopped having interest in any kind of sexual activities and related topics around 25. I also have depression and anxiety that have been part of my life since I was very little, but I don't think it's related to what I feel about my sexuality because I still have my libido just fine and I'm physically ok. 

 

I still don't know what it means though.

My libido still works it's much lower than it used to be. My sex therapist mentioned 'spontaneous arousal' which is just getting aroused for no reason. It drops off after the age of 23. With a lower libido I noticed that that nothing sexually aroused me and I just had no interest in sexual activity. Good to know I am not the only one who went from sexual to non.

[AstridWG]

I was looking for a post exactly like this! Also very confused myself. I was interested in sex, looked forward to sex and enjoyed sex with my boyfriend in the first few years we were together. Around early 20s they gradually stopped, and now they have stopped completely. I don't love him any less, and he says he doesn't either. I've accepted that I'm somewhere on the ace spectrum. He is less accepting, thinking that it is some sort of trauma along the way. I know this isn't true. He wonders though, and I wonder as well, how could it change? There were no extreme stresses in my life, no mental health issues etc. So so confused.