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Soldier455

Do people know you are Asexual in real life?

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Soldier455

Hey everybody I have been wondering if people know you are Asexual in real life?

Well, my family and some people in my school do know I am asexual but they either don't care or don't know what is this (mostly both actually) so I have to explain them all the time.

Seems like Asexuality isn't a popular thing.

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Red_purple_sugardaddy

It isn't that much known to people yet. But we should explain and let people know about it so that they learn what asexuality is. If and when you find that your society isn't much aware of asexuality, you better share your story with them. I'm not sure if they'll understand it or not but we gotta try. 

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Soldier455
Just now, Arnabhq said:

It isn't that much known to people yet. But we should explain and let people know about it so that they learn what asexuality is. If and when you find that your society isn't much aware of asexuality, you better share your story with them. I'm not sure if they'll understand it or not but we gotta try. 

Good idea!

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InquisitivePhilosopher

Bonjour! Je espere c'est correct, en Francais (Je connue in peu.) Je dit mon frere, mais, ma mere et mon pere, non.

 

Hello. I hope this is correct, in French. (I know a little.) I told my brother, but, my mother and father, no.

 

(I don't know how to say the rest of what I want to say in French, so I'll continue in English.)

 

My parents know that I'm not interested in sexual relationships because I told them about the times a couple of older, middle-aged men came up to me, asking a lot of personal questions, hinting that they wanted one with me; they also know I've never had an interest in marriage (they discouraged me about getting married because their relationship wasn't happy or good), nor in having children. My brother seems to be the same as me (he was fine when I told him I was asexual and didn't ask anything); so, although my parents don't know the word for it, "asexuality," they are aware of my personal characteristics and are fine with me being this way, saying that, "That's fine. Everyone is different."

 

I haven't told my parents that there's a word for it, nor about AVEN, because I'm certain that they'll be judgmental and tell me that they think it's ridiculous to label myself with that word and/or feel that it's pointless to join an online forum for asexual people, since they don't care about having friends or connecting with other people and think I shouldn't care about having any, either.

 

I can't believe that mainstream society is still just learning about asexuality; I first learned about it 13 years ago, so it's not new to me!

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JayDee1212

No, and I probably won't really tell many of them to be honest. Maybe my brother and my mom, probably not...but I can't see telling my friends, as we often talk about guys we like and I've laughed at many of their sexual jokes. It would just be too awkward.

I wouldn't lie to them, per se, but I think those aspects of my private life would be kept private anyway!

For me, I think even if I was a sexual person I wouldn't really go around talking about my sex life, so I don't think I would talk about my lack of one either.

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JD_MacGill

No, I'll definitely never tell my parents because they wouldn't understand, at the moment they think I'm a lesbian because lack of interest in boys = automatically interested in girls.

 

But I'll be moving to London soon and my new company is very open when it comes to LGBT+ things so I'll probably be more open about it.

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Fioryn

My sisters both know. I told one of them, and the other found out because she saw that I had AVEN open once. I told a few friends. My parents don't know I'm asexual, but I've told my dad I'm not interested in people. He told me he's always felt the same way.

 

The only people who knew what asexuality was when I mentioned it to them were one of my sisters (she has a Tumblr, so not surprising) and a guy I knew in college. (One of his friends had come out to him as ace before.)

 

I've gotten various responses when I came out to people. The friends I've told were mostly accepting. The worst reaction I've gotten was from one of my sisters (the one who saw me on AVEN- not the one who uses Tumblr). She told me that I just haven't met the right person yet and I'm restricting myself by using a label.

 

I think it's just hard for people to understand. And to some people, all the labels are getting out of hand. We have labels for so many different identities now (inside and outside the ace community), and that can be confusing for people who aren't familiar with them.

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Grinchmer

I don't go out of my way to hide my feelings on the matter. If you ask, you'll get an honest answer. No, I'm not interested in sex and/or romance. It doesn't matter to me whether people know what it is called.

 

So yeah, pretty much all of my folks know what's up in that department. Do they know about terms and such? No idea and I couldn't care less.

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Aarineko
21 minutes ago, Fioryn said:

My sisters both know. I told one of them, and the other found out because she saw that I had AVEN open once.

One of my friends looked at my phone while I was replying to a MP (ruuuude) and saw the word aSEXUALITY and now thinks I watch porn in the train... great --'

 

I am pretty sure my mom knows without knowing the term asexual but she has been saying stuff like I guess it isn't for everyone while talking about the need for a woman to masturbate to feel good about herself or I isn't for you is it ? to me while there is a sex scene in a movie... It always comes out of nowhere and she isn't waiting for me to reply so I never really talked to her about it 

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birdybudge

My family and friends are aware that I don't date, and are accepting of that, but I've never discussed the "A" label with them.  If they ever asked the question, I'd certainly answer it.  If people I didn't know so well started noseying around asking why I wasn't married or in a relationship, I'm not sure how open I'd be.  I'm quite private in real life, compared with online.

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Gnatty

The only person who kinda knows is my sister, she was even the one to first mention the idea to me. She's doesn't always take my feeling into consideration though so I don't know if she thinks much of it. My parents on the other hand don't know, I feel like they'd be accepting if not a little confused. They used to try and talk to me about "when you have kids one day*wink wink*" but I usually got upset when they brought that up so I think they just got the hint over time.

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Laplace

Only a few do, but I'm probably gonna be pretty open about it soon. I'm tired of pretending to be someone I'm not. My general attitude is that I don't care what people think about me. Even if I'm a bit critical of everything, I'm a calm, law-abiding person so I'm not ashamed of my character. What's one more thing on top of everything else that's odd about me? Everyone knows I don't really fit in already, so how much worse can it get?

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999papercranes

Only my friends know, but from now on I've resolved to tell no lies if someone asks me directly who I'm interested in. The answer is going to be "nobody" and if anybody asks what gender I'm attracted to, the answer is "none of them." If they want me to elongate, I'll tell them I'm asexual and aromantic. I won't go around telling people I'm asexual, but I'm not going to lie about who I am. 

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[noize:injekktion]

I don't care if they know or not.

 

most people think I'm gay, though. they're even right.

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Janus DarkFox

The boyfriend knows I'm asexual, but all he needs to know I'm gay and in love, the bf has learning disabilities and will not understand any differently.  Since we have sex, to him there's no difference in sexuality.

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Amathy

I told a lot of people before I moved but I haven't told anyone since I moved.  I got really tired of being the token asexual person before I moved and didn't want to deal with that again.  Also, after I moved the people around me don't seem as receptive to talking about sexuality and so it's never come up.  From some comments, I think many of these people think I'm gay.  Though if anyone asked, I would probably tell the truth.  

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LightsShineBright

I haven't told anyone cause I'm still pretty confused and it'll probably just confuse them and me altogether if I "come out". But I talk about asexuality nonstop at times (like the concepts and stuff) so they probably have an idea already :P.

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Euna

Most of my immediate family knows.  I would be willing to tell more people, but it just doesn't come up, and it's not something I talk about without a reason.

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chandrakirti

Yes, I'm open about it, as soon as I knew , I just embraced it. It has caused some problems with people who feel threatened by it, but the freedom of not having all those heartaches and sexual intrigues is well worth being 'different'.

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AnotherMember

No, they think I'm married with my laptop :wacko:, well they do that kind of jokes at least. 

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purpleandgreylife

My twin sister and my best friend since childhood know. I'm debating telling my other friend - I already know she'll be supportive and non-judgmental. Plus, she won't have a ton of follow up questions and it will become just another thing she knows about me, rather than some defining characteristic of who I am.


My mom might know. She found my account (different user name) once some years ago. She asked me why I was on there, if "I felt that I was asexual." I told her I did feel asexual and she looked at me like she wanted to apologize or hug me or make me okay or something and let the subject drop. That was a quick, surface level conversation. So, I don't know if she has just taken this as fact (I don't think she has) or if she thinks that because I haven't mentioned anything about it since then, that it went away and I'm "back" to straight and just being single and picky.

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To Each Their Own

I hid it for a very long time...to the point where I used to make up stories about having "booty calls" and the like...anything to appear "normal." This was long before I even knew there was a word for what I was.  The reason I was making up stories was to keep myself safe (Yes, I had been assaulted in the past), I was still living under the assumption that I was broken.

 

However, now that I know I am an asexual and that this is a VALID SEXUAL ORIENTATION, I am very open about that fact. I vowed to myself when I was 14 that I would grow up to be the person that I needed in my life. So now that I have a voice I use it to educate others. It isn't so much about educating my friends and coworkers about me and my lifestyle.  But it's about letting them know that people like me exist and that we are valid...we are not in need of of pity or patience; just acceptance. If I can just exist in my truth now, then maybe it will make it easier on some other kid so they will no have to suffer for so many years before finding out that they are an asexual. 

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songchick

Definitely my mother and 1 coworker at my job.  It hasn't really come up for me to talk about it to other people.  Asexuality easily flies under the radar.

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Rhaenys

I've told friends but they usually forget and label me as "bi". (Those that know I dated both males and females.)

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Mal334

Yes, I mostly have come out to people either because I couldn't hold it in any longer or because I thought they would help me.

 

My sister was the first one I told, and she has been amazing! I don't know what I would do without her!

 

My mom was not so great, which really hurt since we are really close. She did not react bad or anything. She told my sister the usual 'it is just a phase' and 'she will meet someone'. Which is true, I could meet someone, but that is not the point. The point is that I don't want sex, like sex, or am sexual attracted to anyone. While that might change one day she needs to understand that. (Sorry for the rant!)

 

My best friend also knows. We have not been best friends long, about two years, but she took it really well! She even told me that she is bi, and that she always felt that way but had never said it outload until that moment. 

 

Since then I have come out to four co-workers and a cousin. There are some people that I will probably never tell, but it is nice to have a few supporters out there.

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Mezzo Forte

I always joke that I'm in Schrodinger's Closet, where I don't hide my asexuality, but also don't go out of my way to mention it. That said, I do have a fair amount of people in my life who know I'm asexual, either because they asked me directly or I had some other reason that made me feel like sharing.

 

In the scenarios where I do come out, I don't always explicitly mention the asexual label; I'll just describe my own experiences if I want to avoid covering Asexuality 101.

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Dan99

Still don't know if i'm ace or not. probably not. but when I thought I was, I told my mom, and the first time i said it, she said i might change my mind someday when I'm older.

 

I kind of did, but really, I think it's rude to just assume that about people.

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OGYamhead

A handful of people know. One did her own research and then came back to me to reconcile what she read with my own experiences and she's totally okay with it. The others were just confused by the label (thankfully no cloning or robot 'jokes') but after a quick definition, they were fine with it. To be fair though, I only told people I was sure would be fine with it. One guy guessed it after I bought and started wearing a bracelet with the flag colours. ^_^

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globetrotter85

No, nobody in my life knows. Well, I haven't told anyone anyway. My mum might have known... I kind of hinted at it a few times, but now I wish I'd actually told her, and talked about it with her properly. She would have been supportive and done her best to understand, because she was just like that. But she's dead now, so I lost my chance. 

So I'm not sure I will ever tell anyone to be honest. Though it would be a relief to get it off my chest. But I almost feel like it would be easier to come out as something else (other than asexual) because, if you tell someone you're a lesbian for example, most people will understand what that means without having to ask, but if you tell them you're asexual you're highly likely to have to try and explain it. And I suspect that if I told people I was a lesbian and involved in a sexual relationship with another woman they'd probably far less shocked than if I told them I'm actually a 31 year old virgin! 

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robot_apricot

I've always been quite vocal about not shoping interest. My friends all know that I rarely like people and that I wouldon't never go on a date and such. They also know I don't like the idea of having kids etc. I have never directly used the term asexual but seeing as at least 1/3 of my friends are LGBT+ in some way, they probably realised I was asexual before I even knew it was a thing that existed

 

Edit: my friend literally asked if I was ace yesterday, I kinda nodded really awkwardly and that was that

Edited by robot_apricot

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