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Can you be asexual if you think about sex?


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Hello! I think I might be asexual but I have a quick question. 

So, I don't like sex. I've never had it, but I don't like the idea and I think it's gross. I know that I may be asexual.. But sometimes Ithink about sex anyway. 

I don't like thinking about it, and I think the reason I think about it is because I'm trying not to think about it. You know, if you try not to think about.. Let's say.. Penguins? Then you will probably accidenty think about penguins. 

 

Im just asking if this is normal. When I think about the sex, I am usually not participating in it.. Or it's not actually me having sex. Another detail is that the people having sex aren't specific people, so I don't know who they are. Do other asexual people do this? Is it normal? 

I feel like I'm just over thinking everything. I'm very confused about my sexuality, and I don't like being confused about it so I'm trying to find something that fits.

im sorry if is question is dumb, unnecessary or doesn't make sense

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happilyirrelevant

Oh, yeah! I'm ace, but let's just say that a psychic who dropped in on my thoughts at some times would probably never guess that I'm ace :lol: I agree, I think it's because trying to avoid thinking of something makes me think of it, too. Same with trying to avoid thinking of my doing stupid things, or trying to avoid thinking about scenes from horror films. My brain will shove them at me all the more for my dislike of them. And since I dislike the idea of sex, it decides to keep pushing that into my thoughts, too. Brains are annoying sometimes.

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ChickenPadSeeEew

Yes. :lol:

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Lol I'm pretty sure this is somewhat of a norm for asexuals. It's a fantasy. Even if you were "participating", it's still a fantasy.

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JayDee1212

Of course, there's a big difference between thinking about sex and actively desiring it!

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Yes, I think about sex sometimes, but never in the context me me actually desiring it with anyone.

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Yes.

 

I mean, sex and sexuality have kind a bit of an influence on a lot of people's lives. It does have an influence on people's decisions. Since you don't feel the same way as them, you can't just follow their train of thought to get where they are... and if, say, some of the people involved are close to you, how can you not think about how they come to that conclusion? Breaking it down, yeah, thinking about an issue you don't understand is normal and healthy and not related to being of any sexual orientation.

 

What I found odd though... do you have to consciously remind yourself not to think about sex? As in, oh damn, my mind slipped and I'm thinking about sex, argh, pink elephants pink elephants pink elephants... ?

 

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8 hours ago, Homer said:

Yes.

 

I mean, sex and sexuality have kind a bit of an influence on a lot of people's lives. It does have an influence on people's decisions. Since you don't feel the same way as them, you can't just follow their train of thought to get where they are... and if, say, some of the people involved are close to you, how can you not think about how they come to that conclusion? Breaking it down, yeah, thinking about an issue you don't understand is normal and healthy and not related to being of any sexual orientation.

 

What I found odd though... do you have to consciously remind yourself not to think about sex? As in, oh damn, my mind slipped and I'm thinking about sex, argh, pink elephants pink elephants pink elephants... ?

 

We'll like I said in the original post I don't like the idea of sex it grosses me out. And I actually try not to think about it because I don't want sex to play out in my head. I've recognized that if you try to think about something then you're probably going to think about it. I'm also pretty new to Asexuality and only started doubting whether I'm sexual or not pretty recently, so I've been pretty much constantly thinking about it and trying to see if I experience sexual attraction to anyone around me. If I sit there and think "Do I want to have sex with anyone here based on their looks," sex plays out in my head because I'm thinking of sexual attraction, and whether I'm experiencing it or not. I should probably stop doing that but I can't stand being confused about my sexuality, so I'm desperate to figure it out. 

This is probably kind of confusing but I don't know how else to explain it..

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6 hours ago, Oreo4mee said:

so I've been pretty much constantly thinking about it and trying to see if I experience sexual attraction to anyone around me. If I sit there and think "Do I want to have sex with anyone here based on their looks," sex plays out in my head because I'm thinking of sexual attraction,

...which is why the attraction based definition is flawed beyond repair. Generally speaking, wanting to bang someone despite not finding them good-looking is still sexual. Merely thinking about sex doesn't make you non-asexual, just as much as thinking about a schnitzel would invalidate you being vegetarian.

 

Do you want/seek/pursue sex under any imaginable circumstances, at all, ever, yes/no. Done.

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