How to Tell the Difference Between Platonic and Romantic Crushes?

[TaminSweets]

Hey all, It seems it's been forever since i have been on this site. though recently I accidentally came across a topic in the forums and felt the need to talk about it.The topic was about Squishes being stronger than romantic crushes. There is a quote from the discussion that resonates with me(which is below in black bold print). the only difference mostly is that i do have romantic crushes. I have done more self searching or whatever you want to call it, where I had kind of an ah ha moment. I realized that Some of my "Romantic Crushes" had just been really intense platonic crushes. I have noticed that i can't really differentiate between the two of them. It makes it a bit more complicated when the facts supports what i have been considering, about being demiromantic. At this point, I'm not really sure how to catch the differences between the two crushes. I'm also not sure How i feel about demiromantic if it would be the correct term or not. either way not sue what i am asking, maybe just venting. Although any helpful comments or advice would be nice. 

 

 

 Argh I feel this. I don't get crushes but from what I can tell, my squishes are sometimes more intense than my friend's crushes! They're just like, "Man I really want to date that guy and he's so hot," and then talk about him sporadically while I'm just obsessing over how nice it would be to have long conversations with my squishes and maybe cuddle or something. This is what made it so hard for me to figure out I was ace. (I kept mistaking these really intense platonic attractions for romantic attractions.) 

[swirl_of_blue]

I've been wondering about the same thing since I noticed that over 90% of what I've thought were my "smaller crushes" were actually squishes. Pretty much the only difference for me, now that I've figured it out" is the amount of intimacy I want. Hugs and cuddles go for both, but I wouldn't be comfortable kissing a squish. I, however, am a very sensual person and want a lot of nonsexual intimacy (kissing, being at least partially unclothed and touching et cetera) in my romantic relationships so if I don't take that into account I can't really see the difference between a squish and a crush for me. The exception might be that my squishes fade much faster than my crushes in the case I don't make a move to get closer to that person, with squishes lasting from weeks to months and crushes from months to several years. I don't know what would happen if I actually approached a squish and got into a QPR with one, as that has never happened.

[Owl_Wing]

I can relate to this a lot, I've also been having a hard time distinguishing between romantic feelings and platonic feelings/squishes. I had a huge squish on my friend freshman year of college. I've only had a couple of crushes in my life but this squish on her was waay stronger than any crush I've ever had. Actually, I'm still sort of confused about whether it was really a crush or not, since that was before I figured out I'm bi/pan (I think demi-panromantic is most accurate). I've been doing a lot of self-discovery/thinking about relationships in the past two years, and trying to figure out the difference between romantic and platonic relationships, and the more I think about it, the more sure I am that there isn't actually a definitive difference. Broadly speaking, a crush is a desire to be in a romantic relationship with someone and a squish is a desire to be in a frienship or qpr with someone. But all relationships are different, and the feelings that I feel towards all my friends/people I love and care about are different. Just as there is a spectrum of sexualities, I think there is also a spectrum of types of relationships and feelings. 

[zel]

I was just about to start a new thread about pretty much this.

 

Have been confused about my romantic orientation for a while. Because I have had squished, but never the long term desire for a romantic relationship. I just get overwhelmed by people if they start to rely too much on me, or I get bored and tired of them when our mutual interests drift apart. I don't know if I could ever "pull off" a traditional relationship for any amount of time.

 

I've always needed a ton of distance. My most intense squish and arguably an instance of romantic attraction was long distance. Perhaps that might work out for me. But as soon as we started actually meeting up, things started falling apart.

[kaseythefairy]

I've noticed this question coming up a lot recently. I never thought twice about these things, but suddenly I'm having doubts and questions. I hope this is the right place to put these.

 

The first thing that stuck out to me was something along the lines of, 'Platonic crushes end when the desired relationship is achieved, whereas romantic crushes don't end.' I'm super on the fence about this definition. I'm not sure about the romantic crushes, but I kind of disagree that platonic crushes end when the relationship is reached. But the more I ponder it, I kind of agree that the platonic crush ends when you reach the relationship you wanted. But I also think it transforms into something else because I don't just stop being friends with the person. In rare cases for me, the platonic crush turns into a partnership where I still care about the person very much. But I guess it isn't necessarily a platonic crush anymore. I was wondering if anyone else has any thoughts on this. 

 

The second thing that made me think was something along the lines of, 'Platonic crushes are only on people you are not friends, whereas romantic crushes can be on people you are friends with.' I think I definitely disagree with this on the platonic side. I believe it is possible to have a platonic crush on someone who is already a friend, but you want to be even closer friends with. Again just looking for other thoughts, opinions, experiences, concerns, etc.

 

Basically, I would love to hear from other people about their thoughts on these two distinctions I've come across. Do you agree or disagree?

[Nathan Dearth]

I think sometimes romantic attraction can start out more like a squish, and then later the sexual element may awaken as you grow closer.