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Asking help to sexual people


Trøllabundin

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Trøllabundin

Hi everyone,

 

Asexuals are welcome to answer, but I'd like to have sexuals' opinion on this.

 

Here we go, I recently got in a relationship with a guy who is very sexual, but who is very respectful of who I am and my desires. He is sexual, but is able to appreciate cuddling for cuddling, and prefers it over hot kissing, in fact. In his presence, I am highly attracted, but once things start to heat up, I physically become turned off, but I'm mentally satisfied because all I want is to satisfy him, when we do sexual stuff (cuz we don't do this 24/7, we have other stuff to do together, you know :D ). I talked to him about my issues, and my constant sex drive decreasing. He wants to sexually please me, but I feel bad because when he cums, it's like he cums for me and I'm pleased, but I'm also afraid it will take me a long time for my body to have the proper respond. We've discussed abuot it because what he wants first is communication, he is very patient and understanding, and value emotional and intellectual connection over sexual attraction. I was also virgin, so there is the possibility that my body doesn't associate external touch to pleasure. I also physically and mentally prefer to give pleasure rather than receiving; even when I'm wild and ready to jump on him, all I want is to make him have the nicest moment of his life. 

 

He is a very nice person, tells me to take my time, to not stress about it, but I'm afraid to disappoint him because I can't perfectly sexually respond to his advances. We're both conscious he's a guy, so testosterone all over the place, and me, a girl, so less testosterone, therefore, less libido. I also don't mind playing the game, but knowing him, he'd feel bad to know I played the game, because he'd feel like he put preassure and this is the last thing he wants. Good thing is that our relation is friendship based, and sexual activities are a bonus, not the entire relationship. However, I can't stop worrying, As a sexual person, how would you feel knowing your partner's libido is abnormally decreasing? Would you be sexually frustrated if things can't go to the intercourse with penetration? (although him and I are both fans of oral sex) Would you mind just receiving handjobs, blowjobs, in addition of affectuous cuddling? Or am I just worrying too much? 

 

Also, if I were ace (I'm grey), I'd tell him, and I feel like things would be simplier (he'll enver force me to do something I don't want to), but me feeling sexual attraction towards him confuses me even more.

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Dunno. - Neither my (a?)sexuality nor about what to do. To me receiving hand and blowjobs never meant much; i.e. I'd prefer masturbation in privacy over them. Or doing whatever is possible with my partner, even if that gets nobody off. 

If I was you, I'd try to ask him how to get sex he likes done, when you are in the mood to give. Come up with some truth to tell him along the question, like "you always look so cute when you 're done; sometimes it is absolutely worth it..." :redface: Maybe you'll find more gender appropriate wording...

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Lara Black

Hello, Trøllabundin

 

I’m the sexual in our mixed relationship. We haven’t ever had traditional sex with penetration in our almost-year-long relationship. But my partner took the time and effort to learn exactly what I like in foreplay, making out and hand jobs. Now he is without a doubt the best partner I’ve had – he gets me to feel things I’ve never felt with anyone else.

And I’d never want my partner to do anything he didn’t feel like – just for my sake. If there is an emotional connection in a relationship, one’s excitement and enjoyment are about as important as the act itself. That’s why just “letting the sexual partner have it” is not an option to make us happy, IMHO.

I’m sure, you can find your own, personal ways to make your significant other happy.

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