haelielou Posted May 28, 2017 Share Posted May 28, 2017 Hey everyone. I've wondered about asexuality for a long time but never really looked into it or tried to understand it and compare it to myself. I was introduced to sex at a very young age and suffered a lot of sexual abuse from multiple people and family members, and I think that is why I never really connected that my issues and/or reservations with sexuality don't all stem from the abuse. I always just pushed it all off on the abuse and never really considered that there may be more to it than that. I don't find people on TV or just on the street sexually attractive and I've never been that way. Not to say I've never felt that someone was visually appealing or felt attracted to the way they look, it just doesn't provoke any sexual response or desire from me. Feelings that I've had based on the appearance of others ranged from platonic to romantic but never ever immediately sexual. I can count on two hands the amount of times I feel like I may have been feeling genuine sexual attraction, it was always with someone I had an extremely emotional bond with and it was obviously very rare. I'd say my libido is medium but I very often don't act on the sensations because the desire isn't there. I do desire sex at times, but it's not about how someone looks it's about the sensations and the tactile experience of it, 99% of the time. I do get aroused and I do get turned on but again it's about the actual sensations and things that are happening. Even then I'd say almost all sexual experiences had a feeling of reservation at the start that I had to overcome and push through. I often feel strange/out of place after sexual experiences as well. With all of this in mind I feel that I fall somewhere in the grey-asexual range on the spectrum. For now I'll keep exploring and reading and rediscover myself. I'd love some feedback and I'd love to know if there are others out there that feel the way I do! Thanks for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
Pramana Posted May 28, 2017 Share Posted May 28, 2017 Greetings! And thanks for sharing your story! From what you describe, I would suggest that gray-asexuality and demisexuality are worth looking into, as it sounds like those concepts might describe you. One point I would make is that sexual attraction and sexual desire are not only or always about physical attractiveness. There are other qualities of a person (such as their social status or personality) which might make them sexually attractive, and likewise one may desire partnered sex for a variety of different reasons (such as to establish an emotional connection, or because of the physical sensations). If you are looking for more information, I would recommend Julie Sondra Decker's book The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality. I wish you every success in your journey, and I hope that you enjoy AVEN! Link to post Share on other sites
Gnatty Posted May 28, 2017 Share Posted May 28, 2017 Don't worry about finding some label just yet. What matters most is respecting yourself and your preferences. Self-reflection can be a very rewarding experience so hopefully you'll find something here that resonates with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted May 29, 2017 Share Posted May 29, 2017 Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! More reading is definitely the way to go while you're still questioning! As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message. Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. The following are also nifty links to take a look at: Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped! Link to post Share on other sites
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