What's this? WHAT'S THIS?! confusion everywhere!

[Chargie]

Hi, I'm chargie, aaaaaaaannd I don't know my sexuality. However, I feel that I fall somewhere on the Asexual spectrum. That's why I'm here!

 

This is all pretty new to me, so apologies in advance for when I mess up terms or have a hard time understanding what a sexuality, romanticism, or gender is even with a definition. Just so everyone knows, here are the only terms I know without having to look it up.

Genders: male, female, agender, bigender, genderfluid.

Sexualities: Bisexual, Homosexual, Heterosexual, Asexual, Gray Asexual, demisexual, Pansexual

Romanticisms: heteroromantic, homoromantic,demiromantic,panromantic,aromantic,bellusromantic,biromantic

 

Now that you realise how little of knowledge I have on these topics, time to show you why I'm so confused about my own sexuality and romantic orientation. 

 

For simplicity's sake, if someone were to ask, I would say that I'm straight. However, in reality, I don't really think the sexual attraction is all there. It's partially true; I've only had feelings for men. (This can include cis men, as well as trans men) it's rare for me to have a crush, and even rarer for me to be aroused by someone. In fact, I don't think I've ever been aroused. I often will admire the way someone looks, but that won't necessarily mean that I'm attracted to them in that sort of way. Also, men are waaaaay better looking to me. I just like the male body for the most part. After I take a good look, I don't think about the person at all afterwards if they're a stranger. Some of you may be saying, "you're demisexual!" But I don't feel like I fall under that category. In fact, half of the crushes I have had were people I didn't know that well, and only had some information about them. Here's where it'll get weird; *whispers* both male and female genetalia repulse me....*end of whisper* However, the idea of sex doesn't really bother me. If I see it in a show, as long as I don't see the genetalia, I'm fine with it. I would also be willing to try sex, just to see if I really want to rule it out. However, I'd really have to be in love with that person. Besides, I don't have much of a desire to anyways. Raunchy literature and conversations do repulse me, though. Dirty jokes don't bother me either, as long as it doesn't get vividly detailed. 

 

As for my romanticism, it gets even stranger. Just a note, I don't like to be touched by other women, and I avoid hugging other women when it's not considered rude. However, I love being hugged by men. I don't even have to be attracted to the man in order for me to enjoy it. It always gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling. I also tend to be touchier towards men, and I really like to cuddle, too. I think it has to do with the shape of men's bodies, their voices, and maybe also how they think? That's why I feel like I would still be attracted to a trans man, and because of my statement before, if they had surgery on their genitals or not wouldn't be an issue for me. I feel like it's also easier for me to connect with men in that way. Women's bodies are in no way appealing to me, and I don't get the same feeling as I would talking to a man. I've never looked at another woman, and thought "there's a possibility of me being attracted to this person". When it comes to relationships, I've stayed away from them for the most part. I'd have to really like someone in order to even try having a relationship with them. Even if I were to be in a relationship, I like my alone time. I don't want to be around someone all of the time, and with relationships I see, it seems inevitable. I also don't want the problems that come with a relationship, such as jealousy, compromises, and loss of freedom. Also, with relationships, I've noticed that couples usually have a more intense, serious vibe with each other that pours with love. It's not that I wouldn't love someone, it's just I crave an airier, light-hearted, warm and fuzzy relationship with someone I can connect with, that feels like someone mashed bestfriendship, chemistry, and cute stuff together.(Excuse the made-up words, I'll probably do that a lot) Stuff like hiking together, naps together, talking about anything and everything, cuddling, lighter kissing, and flirty jokes with each other, goofily staring at each other, etc. Oh, and lots of hugs. I can't stress that enough. That's why I considered that maybe I'm bellusromantic. 

 

Now that you know how I feel about this kind of stuff, I really hope someone more experienced can help me label these feelings. Now that that's out of the way, a little bit about myself;

 

I'm an animal lover, a music lover, and a complete dork. I casually cosplay, and any time a spirit day or other event comes up that you dress differently for, you can guarantee that I'll over do it and be super enthusiastic. I'm an ambivert, and how social I am fluctuates. I listen to many many many different genres of music, and what music I listen to can reflect how I feel. My dressing style changes constantly, also. Sometimes I'll come off as more masculine, either intentionally or by accident depending on how I feel like expressing myself. I'm also a synthete, meaning I have crossover senses. (I'll explain more if you want me to elaborate)I like to cook, but I'm not so great at it yet as I just started this year. In my free time, I draw or paint. I'm chasing a career as an artist. Sometimes, I write stories as well. Spiritually, I'm new age, but I can be sceptical at times of my own beliefs. My favorite shows are Rick & Morty, Bojack Horseman, Breaking Bad, Bleach, Invader Zim, and Chowder. My all time favorite movie is the old Alice in Wonderland. Also, I love bears, manatees, and snow leopards. That's the basics of my personality. 

 

I'm happy to join the community, and can't wait to meet everybody!

[God of the Forest]

2 hours ago, Chargie said:

Hi, I'm chargie, aaaaaaaannd I don't know my sexuality. However, I feel that I fall somewhere on the Asexual spectrum. That's why I'm here!

...(edited out for length)

   Ok so I didnt read your entire post because, frankly, TL;DR but I did skim it and I will say this; somewhere, I dont know where its coming from (probably tumblr and other forms of online cancer) there is this idea being spread that being Asexual means youre not straight, or that being Asexual is some form of "otherness" where because youre Asexual then youre not straight..thats not true. So let me make something clear; All being Asexual means,in a basic sense, is that you do not want to have sex. It doesnt mean youre not "straight" it doesnt mean you're a freak, it doesnt mean that youre this "other.  You can be "straight" and be Asexual, Asexuality more or less just describes how you experience attraction, not what youre attracted to. Im a gay guy who isnt at all interested in having sex but wants a romantic relationship with another man, thats just my experience and my desire, but thats such a tiny part of who I am in the broader scope of my humanity that its not worth labelling becasue the minute you begin contructing yourself with labels, pointing out such minor variations within youself, you are establishing what is different about yourself from others and drawing an arrow to something tiny about yourself that makes you different than others and you're making it larger by giving it a name

  Its sounds to me like you're a straight girl who just isnt very interested in having sex and wants a deeply rooted friendship with whomever you end up with. ok, great, what does that even say about you? not a whole hell of a lot. My favorite part about your post was when you were talking about your favorite shows and movies, that you like animals and music and that you like drawing and painting, that you like to cook and that youre a Synthete! like whoa! thats fucking cool! thats the kind of stuff I care about knowing about you and what I assume most people want to know about you, because those are the things that say something, those are the things that when I read them I think "wow, I think we'd be good friends, and I really like them". Basically, I'm saying that the only part of you that I even cared about was what made you you, I couldnt give two shits about what you do or dont do in bed or with whom because that tells me nothing about you. And I dont want you to thing that your personal bed chamber preferences are something so important that it even needs to be called something.  

 

 (You seem like a pretty darn awesome person) 

[Chargie]

1 hour ago, King of the Forest said:

   Ok so I didnt read your entire post because, frankly, TL;DR but I did skim it and I will say this; somewhere, I dont know where its coming from (probably tumblr and other forms of online cancer) there is this idea being spread that being Asexual means youre not straight, or that being Asexual is some form of "otherness" where because youre Asexual then youre not straight..thats not true. So let me make something clear; All being Asexual means,in a basic sense, is that you do not want to have sex. It doesnt mean youre not "straight" it doesnt mean you're a freak, it doesnt mean that youre this "other.  You can be "straight" and be Asexual, Asexuality more or less just describes how you experience attraction, not what youre attracted to. Im a gay guy who isnt at all interested in having sex but wants a romantic relationship with another man, thats just my experience and my desire, but thats such a tiny part of who I am in the broader scope of my humanity that its not worth labelling becasue the minute you begin contructing yourself with labels, pointing out such minor variations within youself, you are establishing what is different about yourself from others and drawing an arrow to something tiny about yourself that makes you different than others and you're making it larger by giving it a name

  Its sounds to me like you're a straight girl who just isnt very interested in having sex and wants a deeply rooted friendship with whomever you end up with. ok, great, what does that even say about you? not a whole hell of a lot. My favorite part about your post was when you were talking about your favorite shows and movies, that you like animals and music and that you like drawing and painting, that you like to cook and that youre a Synthete! like whoa! thats fucking cool! thats the kind of stuff I care about knowing about you and what I assume most people want to know about you, because those are the things that say something, those are the things that when I read them I think "wow, I think we'd be good friends, and I really like them". Basically, I'm saying that the only part of you that I even cared about was what made you you, I couldnt give two shits about what you do or dont do in bed or with whom because that tells me nothing about you. And I dont want you to thing that your personal bed chamber preferences are something so important that it even needs to be called something.  

 

 (You seem like a pretty darn awesome person) 

Ohhhhhh. I sort of understood it as a lack of attraction, and in the case of a gray A, well, somewhere in between that and being attracted to someone. That made me think it was separate of being straight, gay, bi, etc. Thank you for clearing that up! That makes things a lot simpler. Nice meeting you, by the way!

[God of the Forest]

Just now, Chargie said:

 Nice meeting you, by the way!

aww you too!! I hope you will feel welcome here!! 

 

and since you lika de hugs (at least from men  )

 

[kelico]

Welcome to AVEN! Thank you for sharing your story with us! I'm glad you found your way here. : ) There's a ton to read about and learn, but it looks like you're already familiar with a lot, which is awesome! You'll find a lot of supportive people that can relate to you here. Your identity is what feels right to you, and there's nothing wrong with being unsure or still exploring, or wanting to have a more specific label. As you can tell, there are different types of attraction besides sexual--sensual (wanting to touch/hug/cuddle/etc.), aesthetic (looks), and romantic. Some people like to specify how they find attraction in those ways, and some don't, and it's cool either way. I think you're on the right path! Keep exploring, and I hope you enjoy being a member!

 

Now, for some more helpful information about the site, in addition to my welcome (and cake):

Spoiler

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here.  The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's