This Is Me?

[That.Poppy]

Hmmm. Honestly don't know what I'm doing here right now...😂

 

My name is Kyle. I'm 17. My hobbies include reading, writing, travel, photography, music, all things food, things of that nature. Currently finishing my Junior year of high school, as well as taking part time College classes. I am an avid Volkswagen driver and a parttime cafe worker.

 

I came out as gay 4 years ago. Kind of. I've been out to my friends, and even some complete strangers, just not my family. I always thought that meant that I was just plain and simple, attracted to men. All...aspects, of them. But I met somebody who kind of changed that, just earlier this year. My ex was the one who really made me question myself and who I am, sexually. They were a huge part of why I began questioning, but I just brushed it off. I thought "It's probably just me being insecure with myself, I'm sure I'd warm up to the idea of sex eventually, but I don't really want it. It scares me." But the more and more I realized it, the more I realized how wrong I was.

 

We broke up, for a number of reasons that I'd prefer not to list, and I had downloaded an app called "Whisper", which is sort of an anonymous posting app that is semi-local, but you can also categorize them into LGBT, gay, etc. I thought, maybe in a way I just needed to bounce back from my ex. I've always been the type who can go onto the world wide web and find somebody to be crazy about. But this app...this app was something else. All the men, no matter how seemingly innocent, nice, and "accepting" they were of my questioning, were sooo oversexual. I witnessed some of the most disgusting confessions on there, confessions of cheating, abuse, and some that were just downright mindnumbing to me. And I just realized that sex isn't something I want in a relationship...possibly ever. I am very attracted to men, yes. But I want a boy to sweet talk, without the sexual stuff. Someone to hold at night. To cook for and with. To just joke around with and make him happy. I wanna get married someday. I wanna raise dogs with him in a cute little house surrounded by all the things that make us happy, and not have to worry about offering myself up to him, just to keep him around.

 

I don't even know if it's considered asexuality, because I DO feel sexual attraction...I just want somebody who wouldn't want sex to be a centerpoint, if anything at all, because that's not what I want either. After so many years of being somewhat abused and told that I'm nothing without offering myself up to men, I'm ready to find somebody who will take me for who I am. Who won't expect me to be a sexual being. I'm just ready for that sweet, innocent boy to come around who can be the love of my life. I know I'm young, and trust me I hear a lot from my friends about how bad it is that I don't "experiment", but I see my friends who have been in happy, loving, relationships for 2-3 years now and I just know that I want that. I want it a lot. Am I patient? Yes. I would never rush for happiness, nor rely on somebody for it, but I just feel like I have a lot of love to offer and would love to give it to somebody.

 

Well, there's that. I'd love to meet some people on here, I found this forum when I was just looking for a clean, non-sex soliciting/scumbag filled app like Whisper to just share my thoughts and meet people on. Making friends would be lit, or maybe even something more??? Idk, I'm an optimistic one. But anybody can feel free to talk to me, ask me questions, or just discuss anything I post with me. I'm always open for some conversation, as long as you can handle how annoying and rant-y I can become... ;p

 

-Kyle.

[Guest]

Heyo. Pleased to make your acquaintance Kyle. I just wanted to say that I feel like that if you do feel sexual attraction, then you might not be asexual, but at the same time the label "asexual" is an umbrella term and is also just a label. Mostly here to just say that I hope you find what you're searching for, and also that you may feel free to use the label if it helps you in this point in life as you like try to figure stuff out. (Although personally I feel like you might just be someone who is sexually attracted to people, but not necessarily with sex as the main focal point in your life, which is obviously like totally fine dude) I wouldn't worry too much though, because such answers tend to come to us when we're ready and well equipped. But while you're here please enjoy some cake. 

[That.Poppy]

1 hour ago, FranciumSenpai said:

Heyo. Pleased to make your acquaintance Kyle. I just wanted to say that I feel like that if you do feel sexual attraction, then you might not be asexual, but at the same time the label "asexual" is an umbrella term and is also just a label. Mostly here to just say that I hope you find what you're searching for, and also that you may feel free to use the label if it helps you in this point in life as you like try to figure stuff out. (Although personally I feel like you might just be someone who is sexually attracted to people, but not necessarily with sex as the main focal point in your life, which is obviously like totally fine dude) I wouldn't worry too much though, because such answers tend to come to us when we're ready and well equipped. But while you're here please enjoy some cake. 

Understandable. I think maybe my thoughts got jumbled a bit while writing that, while I feel sexual attraction, that isn't my main focal point correct. But I also don't feel the need to pursue that sexual attraction. At all. Which is why I kind of use the term "asexual", because I don't really like the idea of my sexual attraction, or sex at all. I don't know, really, it's confusing and I really hate labels to begin with anyway.

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

Hello and welcome from overseas! It's graet to have you here:D Do you have any favourite books or music bands?

[J. van Deijck]

hi! *waves* please enjoy your stay.

as a homo ace, I can relate to lots of things you say. so you know you're not alone :3

[Guest]

5 hours ago, That.Poppy said:

Understandable. I think maybe my thoughts got jumbled a bit while writing that, while I feel sexual attraction, that isn't my main focal point correct. But I also don't feel the need to pursue that sexual attraction. At all. Which is why I kind of use the term "asexual", because I don't really like the idea of my sexual attraction, or sex at all. I don't know, really, it's confusing and I really hate labels to begin with anyway.

Das ist gut. Don't worry about why you're using the term. If it helps you define who you are, go right ahead.

[kelico]

Welcome to AVEN! Thank you for joining and sharing your story with us! : ) I think you'll find a bunch of people that can relate to you here. We're a really supportive and friendly bunch! Take your time exploring and see what feels right. Have you checked out the Gray Area? Regardless of how you decide to identify, you're welcome here, and I hope you enjoy being a member!

 

Now, for some more helpful information about the site, in addition to my welcome (and cake):

Spoiler

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here.  The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's