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First steps


Pquery

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Hello everyone. I'm taking the first few steps on this journey.  Im 34 and am married for 5 years.  Throughout our marriage sex has been our main frustration.  I have only been with my wife, my only other true relationship lasted 5 years and was never sexual.  

 

For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me.  I'm seeing now that I fall somewhere on the Grey scale.  Before today I never looked at romantic and sexual attractions as separate, I've always had a need for romantic relationships but never any need for the sex.  

 

I'm not sure where to go from here.  I know a conversation with my wife is needed and would be helpful, I just don't think im quite ready yet.  

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Hi Pquery, I understand where you are coming from. I'm 33 and was in a long term relationship for 8 years which ended last year. Almost the entire time I was consumed with guilt about not wanting to have sex with my partner. I was happy with the romantic side of the relationship but the resentment I felt towards myself was so oppressive and definitely contributed to my depression which is finally starting to lift as I learn more about asexuality and the implication it will have on my life. For as long as I can remember I have also felt that something was wrong with me and it feels like such a weight has been lifted now. 

When i tried to talk to my partner about it he told me it was all in my head and I needed to get over it. Thankfully I am much happier now and I know that although I have lost a lot I have gained peace of mind and I feel I can now be true to myself.

I think you are in the right place to thrash out your thoughts and feelings on the subject. I hope that when you talk to your wife you can remain true to yourself and that she is understanding. 

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Welcome to the AVEN community!

It is not uncommon for people to realize that they are asexual spectrum later in life. While these situations can be challenging, it is probably better that you and your wife understand why you feel the way you do. I would suggest that the For Sexual Partners, Friends, and Allies forum and The Gray Area, Sex, and Related Discussions forum may be of particular interest to you.

I wish the two of you every success in your journey!

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Welcome to AVEN! :cake: Thank you for joining and introducing yourself! It's so great you're making your first steps and found your way here. : ) You're not alone, and there's nothing wrong with you. You'll meet a ton of people that can relate to you. A conversation would be a good idea, but don't rush into it. Take your time until you're comfortable. We can provide a lot of advice...along with the forums Pramana suggested, the Asexual Relationships section might also be helpful. Best wishes, and I hope you enjoy being a member!

 

Now, for some more helpful information about the site, in addition to my welcome (and cake):

 

Spoiler

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. :) The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 

Image result for best cake

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