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New and Sad, but I want to be Happy!


StayGoldenGirl

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StayGoldenGirl

New member here…very excited to learn more and to learn to be happy with myself! I'm reading a lot that people felt relieved when they found out about their identity or learned about asexuality. I unfortunately didn't have that response. There was (and is) a bit of relief, but mostly sadness. I am here because I don't want to be mad at myself for who I am, I want to learn more and learn to accept myself. 

 

I have had a lot of health issues (mental & physical) and there have always been unsolved problems and I've never felt normal. And I mean constant unknown sicknesses or unknown injuries where MRI's show that there's nothing wrong, but yet I can't bend my leg. I've also dealt with depression and anxiety, but for the most part I've been very happy with myself. However sometimes I just wish I could have a normal happy healthy body. And then boom, guess what, you also don't have any sexual attraction…like come on! Can I have something boring happen in my life? On the bright side, I at least know what the situation is this time and am I not walking around blindly. I'm not normal and I wish I could be - which sucks! I can't say enough how I know that this isn't an actual 'problem' and that it's lovely and that I now can really be myself, but I just need to figure out how to make myself really believe that. 

 

I started looking back at my past relationships and there were so so many clear signs that I was not interested, but did things anyways because I thought that's what you were supposed to do. So now some of my memories have been turned a little sad (like if any of you have seen the movie "Inside Out" when Sadness touches the happy memory and it turns all blue.) I get scared thinking about future relationships. I have commitment issues to start, so now I have this fear that no one's going to want to be with me because I won't have sex with them. I currently have the most amazing partner, but I don't think it's fair to ask him to stop having sex. So we've opened up our relationship which has been great, but then I look into the future and if we were to have a future together, I wouldn't want to continue being open…which makes me feel so selfish. I'm definitely romantic, I want a family, I want children, so now I'm scared I won't have any of that. 

 

So yeah, basically I'm confused and sad, but I'm feeling positive! Despite this dreary Newbie message, I'm here because I want to move on from these feelings. I know my life will be better knowing this about myself, I won't be forcing myself into situations that make me uncomfortable, and I know in the end I'll find a partner that loves me for me. I've told my parents - which was very strange since we don't talk about these things, I've told my wonderful brother, and close friends and everyone is supportive. So what I think I need now is just more knowledge on asexuality and to hear people's stories. I'd love to hear from people that had a similar reaction at the beginning, or just from anyone. I just need support right now, and this seems like the best place to be. 

 

^ wow, sorry for the essay! 

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SamwiseLovesLife
44 minutes ago, StayGoldenGirl said:

I just need support right now, and this seems like the best place to be. 

Hug :) Or high five if you prefer. You are awesome, don't worry, take it slow, stay awesome

 

Remember, if you feel this way so do others, which means there are definately people out there who want a non-sexual relationship too

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Welcome:cake:

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Just wanted to say this (besides the usual "welcome"): there is no such thing as "normal". Because for one person a "normal" day is completely different when compared to another. And that is okay. I think that it's perfectly okay to not have a normal which matches up with the average normal of those around you. That's cool. Sit down. Have some cake. :cake:

I think you deserve it, especially after coming this far.

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Oh, and don't worry about "staying golden". You're perfectly golden already. Not broken. None of us are. You're just different. And that, my lil newbie, is plenty golden to me.

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dragon_nerd

Welcome to AVEN!

Normality is relative, what is normal for you doesn't have to be anyone else's normal. Just you do you and don't let circumstance get you down. 

Rest, relax, and have some cake 

purple-rose-bud-anniversary-cake.jpg

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity
5 hours ago, StayGoldenGirl said:

I have had a lot of health issues (mental & physical) and there have always been unsolved problems and I've never felt normal. I'm reading a lot that people felt relieved when they found out about their identity or learned about asexuality. I unfortunately didn't have that response. However sometimes I just wish I could have a normal happy healthy body. I started looking back at my past relationships and there were so so many clear signs that I was not interested, but did things anyways because I thought that's what you were supposed to do. So now some of my memories have been turned a little sad.

5 hours ago, StayGoldenGirl said:

Despite this dreary Newbie message, I'm here because I want to move on from these feelings. I know my life will be better knowing this about myself, I won't be forcing myself into situations that make me uncomfortable, and I know in the end I'll find a partner that loves me for me.

I know exactly how it feels but reading your post sounds like if you're already on the right path and I hope that you'll find some new friends on this site to make you feel more balanced and happy with yourself. It's never easy to face your "true" identity, especially when it's about asexuality but it's still a very important fact and I'm sure that you will start to feel good for it after some time. Besides, you seem to have a very open-minded partner and family as well so there's no reason to worry about anything right now.

 

You're not alone but unique and amazing like the rest of us :)

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Welcome to AVEN! :cake: Thank you so much for sharing your story! It's great that you found your way here. : ) Don't worry...everyone feels differently when they discover a part of their identity. I've greeted a ton of newbies, and their reactions to finding out they're asexual really do vary. Some are super excited and relieved, and others are sad or upset, confused, or completely "meh" on the matter. So you're not alone!! I can relate to you (and I know many others can, too). I also have strange health conditions that seem to be unheard of, or no way to see that I actually have something wrong. And that gets very, very depressing. Piling on mental health issues just makes it more difficult. I hope things improve for you. :cake: But anyway, you're on the right path to at least accepting yourself as asexual. : ) There are a lot of supportive people here! That's awesome the people you've come out to have been supportive, too. So great! I wish you the best and hope you enjoy being a member!

 

Now, for some more helpful information about the site, in addition to my welcome (and cake):

Spoiler


As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. :) The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 

 

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StayGoldenGirl
On 26 May, 2017 at 2:14 AM, SamwiseLovesLife said:

Hug :) Or high five if you prefer. You are awesome, don't worry, take it slow, stay awesome

 

Remember, if you feel this way so do others, which means there are definately people out there who want a non-sexual relationship too

Thank you :) I do like hugs. Thanks for the support, much appreciated!

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StayGoldenGirl
On 26 May, 2017 at 2:38 AM, FranciumSenpai said:

Just wanted to say this (besides the usual "welcome"): there is no such thing as "normal". Because for one person a "normal" day is completely different when compared to another. And that is okay. I think that it's perfectly okay to not have a normal which matches up with the average normal of those around you. That's cool. Sit down. Have some cake. :cake:

I think you deserve it, especially after coming this far.

Yes yes I definitely agree with this! I just meant the average normal - easiest way to explain it. BUT I do know we're all different and that's awesome. :)

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StayGoldenGirl
On 26 May, 2017 at 6:40 AM, Deus Ex Zero said:

I know exactly how it feels but reading your post sounds like if you're already on the right path and I hope that you'll find some new friends on this site to make you feel more balanced and happy with yourself. It's never easy to face your "true" identity, especially when it's about asexuality but it's still a very important fact and I'm sure that you will start to feel good for it after some time. Besides, you seem to have a very open-minded partner and family as well so there's no reason to worry about anything right now.

 

You're not alone but unique and amazing like the rest of us :)

Thank you so much :) I'm already feeling much more positive with the support I've gotten just from this message. Glad to be a part of this community. 

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StayGoldenGirl
On 26 May, 2017 at 10:22 PM, kelico said:

Welcome to AVEN! :cake: Thank you so much for sharing your story! It's great that you found your way here. : ) Don't worry...everyone feels differently when they discover a part of their identity. I've greeted a ton of newbies, and their reactions to finding out they're asexual really do vary. Some are super excited and relieved, and others are sad or upset, confused, or completely "meh" on the matter. So you're not alone!! I can relate to you (and I know many others can, too). I also have strange health conditions that seem to be unheard of, or no way to see that I actually have something wrong. And that gets very, very depressing. Piling on mental health issues just makes it more difficult. I hope things improve for you. :cake: But anyway, you're on the right path to at least accepting yourself as asexual. : ) There are a lot of supportive people here! That's awesome the people you've come out to have been supportive, too. So great! I wish you the best and hope you enjoy being a member!

 

Now, for some more helpful information about the site, in addition to my welcome (and cake):

  Reveal hidden contents

 

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. :) The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 

 

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Thank you so so much. I've said to another member, but I'm already feeling so welcomed and happy to be here. Really feeling the support and it's great to hear that people have had similar experiences. I'm starting to look up!

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