Lost and Confused

[TQRiver]

Hi there,

 

I am 24 years old and have recently began thinking maybe I am asexual, however I am unsure. So I am looking for advice and a possible answer.

 

A little bit about myself. 

 

So all my life I have never really been into sex. I have had 3 sexual partners and am currently in a relationship with one of them. I have discussed it with my boyfried and he thinks I am. 

 

So my questions are am I asexual? I don't really crave sex or ever have a desire to have sex. I never ask for it and it seems more like something I am doing for my partner rather than myself. Which I don't mind by the way. 

 

I do get aroused by pornography and other types of visual stimuli but never by a person. If that makes sense. With pornography it is more about the actions being carried out, rather than the people. I do masturbate and even prefer it to sex. But it almost seems like it is to just get the arousal feeling out of my body and my mind off of it. I should also mention I hate watching sex scenes on tv and reading sex scenes in books. I always skip them as they make me very uncomfortable.  Yet I'll watch pornography? What?

 

I also find bodies attractive and appealing to look at. Both male and female bodies but I consider myself heterosexual. It feels more like an appreciation for a good looking individual rather than wanting to do them. However, I do sometimes get nervous when talking to a really attractive man. Yet I have never thought about sexually engaging with them.

 

Since I became sexually active 4 years ago I have always been waiting for that urge or craving for sex to do it. Which then stops me from wanting to do it with my partner because I don't want it to be like a chore or it didn't feel like I should have sex unless I have that urge. Like that whole feminism thing "you don't have to give it to him unless you want it". Well that urge never came and I have started to question whether it is because I am asexual. 

 

Overall I think if I am asexual it would help me understand that that feeling will never come, so stop looking and have sex with my boyfriend to make him happy and to have that closeness.  I should say I have no issues having sex. I just never want to have sex. 

 

So an I asexual or just weird?

[A-ok]

There are many terms I would consider if I was you, you can make it easy and just call yourself asexual heteroromantic if you relate to that term. But here are some suggestions:

Autosexual: a person whom does not feel the need og are not attracted to the thought of having sex with another person, yet is ok with masturbating and/or pornografy.

Greysexual: someone who is neither completely asexual nor sexual. This is an umbrella term that covers demisexuals, 

Sex indiffrent: someone who doesn't have a lot of thoughts about sex, and doesn't really care to much whether they are participating or not.
Sex favourable: an asexual person who doesnt mind having sex and enjoy doing it to make their partner happy.

Akoi or lithsexual: someone whom feels sexual attraction without wanting any actual sexual involvement.

You can pick and choose from all of the terms in the world, it's not neccecary to use them all the time or comit to them for a lifetime, but it's nice to have one or many terms just for yourself. Good luck on your journey <3

(If you wanna learn more about asexuality and lgbt+ then I recomend watching Ash Hardell's videos, here's a good place to start:)
 

 

[Guest]

Kinda sounds like the situation I used to be in (except I haven't had or tried to have sex before). You could be asexual, you could not. The best thing to do is not worry about it too much. The answer usually presents itself when it's ready.

[The Dryad]

From experience and what I've read on here, as far as sex and pornography go, aces prefer a non-personal approach, for example, two people completely unrelated to the self, yet one would feel very uncomfortable if someone thought of them sexually. I think because you don't have the urge to have partnered sex is a big hint to your sexuality, but only you can decide if you're ace or not. Many asexuals in relationships do compromise from what I've read and whatnot (I'm aro ace, so I have no experience, nor will I, but I digress), so basically...do what makes you happy and comfortable.:)