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Not sure what i am.


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hi, i have always just assumed that i was heterosexual, but when i met my boyfriend a year ago and started to begin a sexual relationship i realised that i wasn't interested in sex, i didnt see what the big deal about it was. i love my boyfriend but i dont really want sex unlike him. We have had many discussion about our sexual relationship and ive never been able to express why im not as interested as he is. He initial was very supportive and understanding but now he will get grumpy with me if i'm not in the mood and won't talk to me. He once mentioned that i could be asexual and i started to research and im starting to believe i am but i was always told that for a relationship to be healthy the sex life must be good and i must want to have sex with my boyfriend all the time. At the moment im confused with so many questions in my head like; is how im feeling normal?  am i normal? am i pushing away my boyfriend for not having sex? did anyone else feel this way? am i asexual? im just so confused. 

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Anthracite_Impreza

First, breathe...

 

You say you have no interest in having sex which is what asexuality is, so yes, you could well be ace (obviously only you can decide). Ignore anyone who tells you you must have sex to be happy or healthy, that's a blatant lie if you are asexual or sex-indifferent, though for sexual people having sex is an important part of life. This is (almost certainly) why your boyfriend is getting grumpy, because for him it's something he wants to do. However, you are never obliged to have sex with someone, ever. There is nothing wrong with not wanting sex, even if it's not the norm, and you're not responsible for your partner's feelings (nor is he responsible for yours).

 

The way it is, you need to see if you can both compromise, him remain celibate, or you split.

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Hi! Don't worry; you are not obliged to do anything, there is nothing that HAS to be there in a relationship, and you are not the only one feeling what you feel. From what you describe you could very well be heteroromantic asexual, but you need to assess that yourself. I hope you can find some answers on this site! Good luck with everything and welcome to AVEN!

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