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How can i accept the fact that i am Asexual/Aromatic ?


The Questioning Cupcake

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The Questioning Cupcake

I have been having a lot of difficult time accepting my asexuality...how do you, in the aven community accepted yours? And is there anything that i can do so i can accept mine aswell?

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There's no point in wishing to be what you are not. Romance or sexuality aren't a fairy tail as the media makes it appear to be.

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maryjanewatson

I accepted it pretty quickly as I was happy to finally have a way to describe myself, but it doesn't mean I like it. I hate being Asexual. I probably wouldn't mind it so much if I weren't also sex repulsed, but I worry that I will be alone for the rest of my life.

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For me, i had always known and accepted who i was (ie - i had no interest in sex/relationships). When i first heard about asexuality, it was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I finally knew exactly why i didn't "fit in" with everyone else.

 

I'm sorry that I can't help you accept your asexuality, but i wish you all the best, and good luck!  :cake:

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I am very happy to be Asexual. Its just what I am, some people are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual and I am asexual. From my point of view accepting what you are is what makes you happy. If you are asexual then you do not miss sexual activity, so there is nothing missing in my life, nothing I have to try and put into my life that I am not comfortable with, nothing to be unhappy about about.

 

Again this is my viewpoint. I think all types of sexual orientations are normal, therefore to me its like asking if a heterosexual should be concerned that he or she is not asexual, its a none question.

 

I did at one time go though exactly the feelings you are going through now, and asking exactly the questions you are asking now. Accepting yourself and being content in yourself is a great relief. I hope you find that contentment.

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Find what makes you happy. Find people who accept you. Hug a pet. Go on nice walks. Read advice columns to see how shitty some relationships are and be glad you don't have to go through that.

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Luftschlosseule

Give it time. From day to day you get more used to the idea, but in such a small way that you can't see the difference. You'll only notice this when looking back, and some day you realise it's acceptable.

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It is about finding out who you are. What you like and would like to be a part of your life, and what you dont like and would like to not be a part of your life. But the complicated part is when there are difficult overlaps. "I like being with you, but not as close as you want to. The part which gives you joy, comfort and recharges your energy is draining me."

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Personally it was a relief to learn there was actually a word for what I was and that I no longer had to feel like there might be something "wrong" with me. Life is about so much more than romance and sex, for me happiness comes in the form of spending time with family and friends, taking long hikes with my dogs, escaping to fantasy land through artwork and stories, etc. I know for a fact the best kisses are puppy kisses. :lol: The biggest difficulty I've had with being open about my asexuality has been trying to explain it to people who don't want to understand or accept it - y'know, the ones convinced we're not real. But those people don't matter, surround yourself with people who love and accept you for who you are. Most importantly, always be true to yourself.

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Hawk-Heart

I had a grieving period where I kinda felt broken and bad about myself.

 

I recommend surrounding yourself by people that accept you for you.

 

And learn to love yourself. Hope that helps.

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When I first heard about it, I was 16. I couldn't accept it back then. I kept telling myself I couldn't be anything but straight. Someday I'll feel what everyone else feels. It didn't help that there wasn't much info out there at the time. 

 

I denied it until I was 31, which was last year. I think what helped me a lot was all the info that's available online, and being apart of a trans support group as an ally.  Someone mentioned it just before Pride, and I looked into it again. They were really accepting, and some were on the spectrum. Reading other people's experiences/stories helped, too. Being on this forum has helped, as well. Especially, at the beginning. I had a slight issue with accepting that I'm aro a few months after that. I have fully accepted being both aro and ace, came out, and I'm actually happy and proud about it now. So, maybe at the moment it'll just take time for you. Those things I mentioned, again, might help.

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doggalogga

One of the best things is to meet other asexuals. Is there a MeetUp in your area? I encourage that.

 

I found that a big help - to share your experiences with people.

 

The forums here also help. A lot.

 

There is no magic bullet, but I think isolation is the worst thing. 

 

Remember that you're not 'abnormal', or alone.

 

Gay people are normal people that prefer the company of people of the same gender

Hetero people are normal people that prefer the company of the opposite gender

The same rule to asexual individuals. 

 

Most people are convinced I'm heterosexual. I can act like the 'typical' sexual person, but I protect my privacy from those I don't care about.

 

You can still have a relationship and still experience love, tenderness and affection. You don't need sex for that.

 

That's kind of how I have dealt with things. It's a work in progress as well. It takes time :)

 

All the best to you

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You just have to get used to it and be kind with yourself. Most days I'm proud of it, other times I wish I wasn't so different, but let negative thoughts pass. Hope this helped a bit!

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For myself, I never shyed away from it as any sort of denial, but through uncertainty, largely the result of my confusion of sexual and romantic or aesthetic attraction. What helped me, and I don't know if it will help you, was to accept the identity, without seeing it as a thing that branded me forever, with the knowledge that if I felt it didn't match my identity any more I could eschew it. Eventually I found that the identity suited me just fine and I haven't seen any reason to change,

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I don't know if this is the case for you, but a lot of the difficulties many of the asexual's I've met on AVEN have with accepting themselves, stem from the fact that we are taught all our lives by our sex-dominated society, that sex is the ultimate experience, that everyone needs to have sex eventually in order to be happy, and that there is something wrong with you if you haven't had/don't want sex. For me, what helped me accept myself was realizing that our culture's attitudes towards sex are merely cultural perceptions, and not fact. It may help you to accept yourself if you can realize that there is nothing wrong with you for not being interested in sex. Being asexual does not mean that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life. It does not mean that you'll be alone and with no one but your cats to love you (although there's nothing wrong with that if it works for you). The same can also be said for the romantic side of things. Just because our culture revolves around romance, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you for not being interested in it.

 

I don't know if that's what you're having trouble with, so in case it's not, here are some things that are good to be reminded of from time to time:

 

You are AWESOME!!!!!!!!

You have a unique and fascinating outlook on the world.

You are worthy of being loved, and of loving others in return.

Anyone who can't see how great you are, isn't worth your time.

You are not broken, and there is nothing wrong with you.

Your epic amazingness is too great to be contained. Soon, it will expand to envelope the entire world in glowy, pretty light. Then we will all live on smiles and ice cream and rainbows, as the fluffy unicorns carry us on their backs over the clouds which rain sparkles down upon the world.

(That last one may be a slight exaggeration.)

(It's too bad AVEN doesn't have any unicorn emojis. :P

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WinterWanderer

I'm not going to lie and say that being asexual is easy. Even though I'm proud of who I am, there are moments when I wish I was "normal." Being ace sometimes makes it hard to relate to other people. When sex and relationships come up in conversation, I usually don't know what to say. And hardly anyone seems to know (or want to know) what asexuality is. *sighs*

 

Even so, there are reasons why I'm grateful to be ace. I wouldn't have found AVEN if I weren't ace, for one. I also wouldn't have done nearly as much soul-searching and introspection as I have in the last two years. Finding out I'm asexual has led me to ponder everything else about myself and the world around me. People are much more complex than at first glance. :)

 

My advice is to take it slow and keep learning more about yourself. If you wish, take a look around AVEN and get to know people here. We've got lots of stories and jokes. :cake:

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kaseythefairy

I'm not asexual, but I did struggle to accept myself as bisexual, and eventually also as aromantic. Maybe this is or isn't at all something you struggle with, but what I struggled with most both times was how many misconceptions there are about sexuality and the romantic spectrum. I never wanted to tell anyone about my bisexuality because I didn't want people to assume things about me that weren't true. But, as many people are saying, finding a community, and meeting people who are educated and accepting of the romantic and sexuality spectrum cured me of my fear. Online communities, like this one, also help me to stay in touch with awesome accepting people, and to talk about issues with others who likely know how I feel.

 

Connecting with others is extremely important, but I also want to quickly stress the importance of connecting with yourself. As I've gotten older, I've learned and sometimes forced myself not to care what people think. It took effort to teach myself to listen to my own needs and wants instead of those of others, but I can say with confidence that it was worth the effort.

 

Accepting yourself isn't easy, but rest assured that it can & will be a magical journey.

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I accepted by just being honest with myself, and reminding myself that I am what I am, not what other people think I SHOULD be.

 

I am asexual, that's it. There's a line from a song that goes "My mind is a mind that I've come to know." I had this line go through my mind a whole lot as I was figuring things out and the picture started getting clearer. When I admitted to myself that yes I am asexual, I stopped trying so hard to "be normal" and started focusing on other things that made me happy. I spent so long doing what I thought I was SUPPOSED to do, I lost focus on who I was, until I sat myself down and made myself listen to reason so to speak.

 

 

Just because you don't want what society tries to force giving you doesn't mean you're bad or wrong for not wanting it, it means that you're starting to figure yourself out, and that you're just being you. I don't want sex, and relationships are so low on my list, I sometimes wonder if I'm aro (cause half the time, those things are just too much work). Therefore, I don't force myself to be in a situation that's predestined to make me, and ultimately the other person, unhappy.

 

That doesn't make you a "bad" or "cold hearted" person, it means your mind is one you're getting know as time goes on. Just do you, everything else will fall in line.

 

 

(That song, by the way, is Paper Scratcher by Blind Melon)

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