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Read this article a while ago, want to know if it's BS or not


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Ghost of AVEN

I read this article when I was researching asexuality. I couldn't find a link for it, sorry, but it said that asexual people could "turn" sexual, and sexual people could "turn" asexual. Is this a bunch of crap? I can't even remember the website. Anyway, that was what stood out to me from the article, and I only recently realised I could just ask you guys/girls/other (couldn't think of a proper replacement for guys/girls sorry :P)

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TheLittleRabbit
15 minutes ago, Don't Wake The Muse said:

I read this article when I was researching asexuality. I couldn't find a link for it, sorry, but it said that asexual people could "turn" sexual, and sexual people could "turn" asexual. Is this a bunch of crap? I can't even remember the website. Anyway, that was what stood out to me from the article, and I only recently realised I could just ask you guys/girls/other (couldn't think of a proper replacement for guys/girls sorry :P)

Some people are sexually fluid (meaning they can change from one sexual orientation to another throughout their life, it is by no means a decision they can make on a daily basis to be x or y).  It's in no way limited to asexuals.  Science currently supports the legitimacy of sexual fluidity, although of course that doesn't mean that everyone will experience it during their lifetime.  

 

That being said, like any aspect of sexuality, people will put their own biases on it and use it to support whatever opinions they have, so it's hard to say if the article was accurate or not.

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I've never known anyone in real life who admits to being asexual but I've known several women who were lesbians who at right about the age where most women are getting husbands and starting families, all of a sudden decided that sexuality is "fluid" and that they all of a sudden are attracted to the opposite sex and they then proceeded to go out and get boyfriends and husbands. I was maid of honor at one of their weddings and she confided in me about a yr. later that the marriage was never consummated.

 

I've also known people who have lived *normal* heterosexual lifestyles who came out as gay or lesbian later on in life but those people never say that sexuality is "fluid". They  usually say that this is who they've always really been.

 

 

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Lara Black

Hello.

Asexuality might have many reasons – naturally low libido or its absence, it sometimes accompanies different physical or mental problems, results from previous trauma etc. Theoretically, most of this might change over time – illnesses pass, a person might come to terms with his/her trauma through therapy or self-development and so on. The tricky thing is that we very seldom know what has really caused one’s asexuality – was it inborn or acquired.

So to me it seems that people can change, including their sexuality, but for them (and us) to be free to change, we need to accept them and ourselves just the way we all are.

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Ghost of AVEN
7 hours ago, TheLittleRabbit said:

Some people are sexually fluid (meaning they can change from one sexual orientation to another throughout their life, it is by no means a decision they can make on a daily basis to be x or y).  It's in no way limited to asexuals.  Science currently supports the legitimacy of sexual fluidity, although of course that doesn't mean that everyone will experience it during their lifetime.  

 

That being said, like any aspect of sexuality, people will put their own biases on it and use it to support whatever opinions they have, so it's hard to say if the article was accurate or not.

Oh alright. I've never heard of sexual fluidity. Thank you.

 

5 hours ago, podsnap said:

I've never known anyone in real life who admits to being asexual but I've known several women who were lesbians who at right about the age where most women are getting husbands and starting families, all of a sudden decided that sexuality is "fluid" and that they all of a sudden are attracted to the opposite sex and they then proceeded to go out and get boyfriends and husbands. I was maid of honor at one of their weddings and she confided in me about a yr. later that the marriage was never consummated.

 

I've also known people who have lived *normal* heterosexual lifestyles who came out as gay or lesbian later on in life but those people never say that sexuality is "fluid". They  usually say that this is who they've always really been.

 

 

Yeah, from my experiences people who are bi/homosexual/asexual tend to say they've always been like that. Of course, it may feel like your sexuality changes when something happens to cause you to question your sexuality (see: puberty)

 

 

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I was identifying as asexual for years, and was pretty much 100% asexual in every sense of the term long before I ever knew there was a word for it. I had no desire for partnered sexual contact, had no enjoyment of sex when I forced myself into, and would fantasise about having a romantic relationship where no sex was ever needed or desired, though I didnt think that was possible. I assumed I was the only person alive like me. Everything was totally normal, I wasn't unwell and didnt have hormone issues or anything, I had a libido and could masturbate, I just had no desire to connect sexually with other people. Then when I learned about asexuality at about age 23, I was so happy I cried for ages. I couldn't believe there were other people out there like me!! Now by age 28 though, ive had more life experience and been able to explore things I personally desire etc, and now I know I'm actually a sexual person who can desire certain types of sex under certain circumstances with the right person. I just hadn't had the right experiences etc previously to know this about myself and ive met quite a few people here who have experienced the same thing. Our sexuality didnt actually change, our understanding of it just developed and evolved and we learned more about ourselves. This happens a lot with people assuming they're homosexual or heterosexual, but through experience and exploration etc they eventually realise they're actually a different sexual orientation than they previously assumed. None of this is actually sexual fluidity (it's someone learning more about themselves and updating the words they use to identify their orientations as they go) BUT sexual fluidity can happen under very rare circumstances. Like a woman being 100% lesbian and having multiple happy sexual relationships with women and having 0 interest in men sexually or romantically, then at like 40 having a massive switch and suddenly having no interest in women whatsoever and suddenly desiring romantic and sexual relationships exclusively with men. That's sexual fluidity but actual cases of it are few and far between.

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TheLittleRabbit
4 hours ago, Lara Black said:

Asexuality might have many reasons – naturally low libido or its absence, it sometimes accompanies different physical or mental problems, results from previous trauma etc.

This isn't really a good thing to post on a thread made by someone who has stated they don't really understand asexuality and science currently supports that asexuality is NOT linked to trauma, hormone deficiency, and asexuals are only 3% more likely to be on the autism spectrum compared to non-asexuals(And even in this case they made it very clear that asexuality wasn't necessarily caused by autism or vice versa.)  Would you tell a lesbian that they were gay because their daddy beat them?  Do you have a "reason" for your heterosexuality?  While certainly there are asexuals who have been the victim of trauma, or might have irregular hormone levels, have physical or mental health problems this is also true of any other group of people, and not any more common in asexuals than heterosexuals.

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There is no scientifically-established basis for why someone is asexual (just as there's none  for why someone is sexual).  Sexual "fluidity" does not have a scientific basis either.  As was said above, sometimes people simply have never heard the term "asexual" (I didn't for most of my life), but just know that they don't feel  about sex the way other people do.  Once they find out about asexuality, they realize that describes them -- but they don't "turn" asexual.  It's just a recognition of who they've always been.  

 

Find during one's life that one has lost the desire for sex doesn't mean you've become asexual; you simply don't want sex anymore, for whatever reason (menopause, trauma, medication side effects, etc.).  

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Ghost of AVEN
10 hours ago, TheLittleRabbit said:

This isn't really a good thing to post on a thread made by someone who has stated they don't really understand asexuality and science currently supports that asexuality is NOT linked to trauma, hormone deficiency, and asexuals are only 3% more likely to be on the autism spectrum compared to non-asexuals(And even in this case they made it very clear that asexuality wasn't necessarily caused by autism or vice versa.)  Would you tell a lesbian that they were gay because their daddy beat them?  Do you have a "reason" for your heterosexuality?  While certainly there are asexuals who have been the victim of trauma, or might have irregular hormone levels, have physical or mental health problems this is also true of any other group of people, and not any more common in asexuals than heterosexuals.

I'm confused, when did I state that I didn't understand asexuality well? I did say I read the article a while ago. Actually, reading it now, I did sort of imply that, but I understand asexuality very well now.

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Emiconfused

I believe that through out time our bodies want different things and we do change what were is right  so I would say I believe this

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Lara Black
On 22.05.2017 at 0:56 AM, TheLittleRabbit said:

This isn't really a good thing to post on a thread made by someone who has stated they don't really understand asexuality and science currently supports that asexuality is NOT linked to trauma, hormone deficiency, and asexuals are only 3% more likely to be on the autism spectrum compared to non-asexuals(And even in this case they made it very clear that asexuality wasn't necessarily caused by autism or vice versa.)  Would you tell a lesbian that they were gay because their daddy beat them?  Do you have a "reason" for your heterosexuality?  While certainly there are asexuals who have been the victim of trauma, or might have irregular hormone levels, have physical or mental health problems this is also true of any other group of people, and not any more common in asexuals than heterosexuals.

This is not about telling one person the reasons for his or her sexual preferences. It’s more about accepting that people with different explanations for their asexuality can call themselves asexual.

There are people who say things like “I was sexual before the birth of my first child, but for several years now I’ve been asexual” or “My wife became asexual after menopause and a very serious illness”. In trauma counseling people sometimes state that they never want to have sex again after a very abusive relationship or child abuse. Should we not consider them asexual? Or we must lecture them to be more careful with their words, and that childbirth or menopause/illness can’t be implied as a cause for asexuality?

Furthermore, our sexuality is in large part a physiological thing. Different kinds of medication and hormonal changes can cause the loss of libido in some people – that’s just how the body works.

So, coming back to my original point – we very seldom know the reason for one person’s asexuality. So it’s not about pointing fingers and saying “You are asexual because…” - it’s about accepting people’s freedom to find reasons for their own asexuality if they need to, and not discouraging those who are willing to try different options to gain/return their sexuality.

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