Unnoticed Attraction?

[aynsley]

Hi everyone! This may be a very strange question... But can sexual attraction go unnoticed? Is it possible for someone to be gay/straight/bi without even realising it?

The only reason I ask this is because I think I may soon decide to come out to my family as asexual, but it's extremely scary and I want to be 100% sure of myself first. 

[Woef]

I think the main reason for sexual attraction being unnoticed is people growing up thinking they are heterosexual while they are not, so it's more of a denial /unknowing thing, people who don't realise they're gay/bi/etc because we live in a heteronormative society. However, if you've already come to the conclusion you're asexual, you have probably giving it a good thought, and as you are already out of the 'I'm hetero ofcourse I am hetero' feeling (atleast thats what I had), it's unlikely that you do feel sexual attraction (as you've already assessed that while figuring out you are asexual). It is very natural to doubt something even if you're already sure of it when you want to tell others, because tellingothers makes it feel more real.

You are the only one who can assess whether you are ace / gay / bi / straight, and definitely do think about it for some time, but don't overstress it. If you know you don't feel sexual attraction and label yourself asexual, go for it. And if you find out in a couple of years that you do feel sexual attraction, that is also fine, you can tell others that things have changed. No one is required to be the same person for all their lives and to know everything about themselves already. So whether you find out you're anything else in a couple of years or whether you feel no sexual attraction for the rest of your life, it is perfectly fine to come out as asexual now, because that's who you are now.

I wish you all the best figuring stuff out and coming out, hope this helped a bit (and sorry if I made any mistakes)

Have a nice day!

[aynsley]

5 hours ago, Woef said:

It is very natural to doubt something even if you're already sure of it when you want to tell others, because tellingothers makes it feel more real.

Thank you! This has definitely made me feel a lot better  

 

I grew up believing that I was heterosexual, but then when I discovered asexuality, I realised this was far from the truth. 

 

I'm very confident in my identity as an asexual, but of course now that I'm actually considering telling others, doubt has been filling my mind. However this has calmed me down again! 

[Janus the Fox]

If weak enough could go unnoticed or only develops through a continued relationship yes.  For a few it could be overwhelming and I'd say the majority of people are somewhere in between dependent on mood and various other factors like the strength of libido etc. 

 

If a persons attractions are weak enough most perhaps have other priorities beyond relationship like education, work or closer family commitments.  My boyfriend for example had zero attractions before having them for me but had strong priorities with gaming and had serious health problems and still have close family commitment until more recently.  He's also learning differentiated with learning problems like I did when younger and wouldn't of understood relationships during school and the total absence of LGBT learning easily played a role in a lack of sexuality earlier in life.

 

To me the asexual spectrum is or can be rather 3 dimensional or 4 dimensional including changes over time with fluidity.