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parkertheamazing

Figuring things out

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parkertheamazing   
parkertheamazing

Ok so I just really need to dump my feelings somewhere, and I found this site so here I go…

I was born female with the name Mariya, but I have never felt completely female. I have tried to go along with the 'norms' for girls, but recently I have felt really uncomfortable as a girl. Everyone still thinks I am a girl, but I really don't like being called "she" or "her". Lately I have been dressing very gender neutral or more male, but some days I just feel like dressing more girly. I like to think of myself as a female but not a woman or girl. I don't think I want to be a guy, though, and I act feminine a lot of the time.

I haven't come out to anyone yet, and I am thinking I might want to come out to at least my parents or a close friend pretty soon. I don't know exactly what I'm coming out as though. Coming out as not a girl/woman? Any advice on how I should come out?

Another thing is I want to make some changes to not be perceived as a girl. I currently have long hair, but I want to cut it short to look more like a guy. I also was thinking about going by a different name, something that is not gender specific. I am leaning towards Parker, but feel free to make name suggestions. To try out the name, could you please refer to me as Parker for now?

I can't think of anything else right now, but thanks for helping me figure out my gender identity.

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Star Bit   
Star Bit

Well Parker, if you don't know what you're coming out as, it kinda defeats the purpose, right? It sounds like you identify as a girl/woman/female, but just not a typical one. Not identifying with the typical rendition of what the word girl or woman brings to mind doesn't mean someone isn't one. Wanting a more neutral name or way of dressing doesn't mean one isn't a girl either. BTW, guys can have long hair (tmi, I find it hot lol). I view my long hair ( to mid back) as gender neutral.

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k2005fishy   
k2005fishy

Parker,

I understand the fear in coming out and the desire to do so as well. I myself am assigned female at birth. I also never fully identified as such either. It just didn't feel right. Where I live isn't exactly lgbt+ friendly. However, I do have two friends who also identify as lgbt+. They both told me, so I was able to tell them about myself.

The first friend was super easy to tell because they are not cisgender. The second friend I was terrified to tell for a number of reasons. The first of which was because they are cisgendered. I wasn't sure what their reaction would be to someone who well... wasn't. I kept telling myself I should tell them someday.  I decided one day instead of always saying should to just do. The reaction was perfect. They totally accept me for me. 

Best advice. Just do. Keep in mind who you tell and try to know some of their views or background first. You won't catch me telling my parents any time soon for that reason. Best of luck!!

 

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MaxAmoeba   
MaxAmoeba

I don't know why this 'coming out' thing is even required here!

From what I understand, you are just being a human being who doesn't want the customs of the world binding you. Being comfortable just as you are. Just because you don't act like a typical girl/woman doesn't mean it should make you uncomfortable about your identity! I think it is just fine not to act lik

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Ricki   
Ricki

Hey Parker, check out this this thread for a list of identities, and see if any resonate with you: 

The way you come out depends on your own personality, as well as the peoples you plan to come out to. Some find it easier to write out a message and send it round, others will prefer to drop it on them all sudden or bring it up in casual conversation.

 

 

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CapaldianEra   
CapaldianEra

Sounds like demigirl to me, but try not to confuse your identity with your expression.

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AVEN #1 fan   
AVEN #1 fan
On 05/19/2017 at 11:40 PM, Star Bit said:

Well Parker, if you don't know what you're coming out as, it kinda defeats the purpose, right? It sounds like you identify as a girl/woman/female, but just not a typical one. Not identifying with the typical rendition of what the word girl or woman brings to mind doesn't mean someone isn't one. Wanting a more neutral name or way of dressing doesn't mean one isn't a girl either. BTW, guys can have long hair (tmi, I find it hot lol). I view my long hair ( to mid back) as gender neutral.

 

3 hours ago, CapaldianEra said:

Sounds like demigirl to me, but try not to confuse your identity with your expression.

Star is right there, seriously just bc you're female and you don't act like what a girly woman is supposed to that doesn't make you a demigirl. Same for males who are not machos.

 

 

You could be a butchy girl, a tomboyish girl or an androgynous girl or unisex girl, you could even be a neutered girl, just bc you don't accept  all the social standards of "womanhood" that doesn't make you automatically non-binary.

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Star Bit   
Star Bit

Demigirl is just an atypical girl; which isn't a separate gender.

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