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Brandon909

Confused

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Brandon909   
Brandon909

I've dated my girlfriend for about three years. When we met I was celibate at first this seemed to bother her. She was to joke around and say stuff like "Does my vagina scare you?" And "Try something sexual because it feels like we are just friends not dating."

 

 Eventually we did some foreplay a few times. She often told me she fantasized about sex with me. One day she said she would like to get married in the next 2 years if I choose to propose. 

 

About a year and a half later she starts mentioning how we never actually had sex before and she wanted to. After trying to put the moves on her every time she shyed away. One day almost over night she now says she's asexual and we will never have sex. 

 

She said she does have sexual desires maybe once a month and does masturbate. I was kinda floored by her over night change. 

Sometimes when we are with her friends she'll mention that we still haven't had sex. Sometimes for no reason she'll catch me by surprise and grope me which leaves me very confused. If I try to reciprocate she'll get upset.

 

Very confused about this whole situation and very discouraged.

 Anybody else  experience something like this? No clue what to do. From now on when she gets all touchy with me I tell her I feel it's inappropriate and she gets frustrated. Kinda clueless here.

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Lucinda   
Lucinda

Does she have a pattern of head games?

 

Lucinda

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Brandon909   
Brandon909

Not to my knowledge however that is how it feels at time.  Asked her one day why she will grope at me and act like she wants to become sexual then quickly changes her mind and she said "I want to be sexually desired but I don't want to have sex. I touch you to make sure you still sexually desired me." I'm fine with the not having sex part but she throws out mixed signals alot. Keeps me confused for the most part.

 

A side not she has had several sexual relationships prior to ours. It wasn't until she started dating me that she says she's now asexual and hates sex yet she often talks about her sexual history in previous relationships and not in a bad way. 

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nanogretchen4   
nanogretchen4

I think you should break up with her. Regardless of her sexual orientation she has no consideration or respect for you. Or possibly this is a sexual kink she has. People who get gratification from teasing their partners and denying them sex exist, but if you are not enthusiastically consenting to these sexual roles then maybe she should go on fetlife and find someone who is actually into that.

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Kai99   
Kai99
Quote

"I want to be sexually desired but I don't want to have sex. I touch you to make sure you still sexually desired me."

Yeah, that is just wrong. I agree with nanogretchen4 completely.

 

I highly doubt she is asexual. Asexuality is apparently the cool thing to identify with nowadays. I say since she likes playing mind games, tell her out of the blue that you actually don't want sex with her and never did and see how she reacts. If she is happy about it, she is probably asexual. If she isn't, take it with a grain of salt.

 

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marriedtoanace   
marriedtoanace

Why are you with this person?  

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songchick   
songchick

To maybe put it nicer, she could be "exploring."  That is not a condition that inclines one to take a person seriously.  

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