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Al.storm

Hey Everyone ( Self introduction and questions)

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Al.storm   
Al.storm

Hi there, my name is Al and I have discovered that I am asexual a while back, and honestly I feel burdened by it, especially cuz it's the one thing that I really can't tell anyone about. 

 

I am 18 years old, finished high school and going to university. I started feeling out of place in middle school and it became really apparent in high school. Unlike my friends I didn't really seem to be interested in females, and I never acted as if I were, thinking that it's just a phase or something, until a few of my friends called me asexual as a joke (they meant the biology term) cuz I was never interested in sexual things.

I am a Muslim so that puts me in a very bad situation if I were to come out and say it, especially to my parents. Whenever I indirectly touch that subject with my parents I get extreme reactions, so far that my father once said that he might disown his son if he ever had a son like that. So I do not think of telling them anytime soon. 

I tried talking about it with some other people that I knew were open minded enough, but the response was almost always the same, that it's just a phase, that I'm still too young (I honestly still hope so). One of them even told me to try and watch porn or something like that, of course it conflicted with my religion, but I tried and was not amused nor have it been any fun. I never dated any person before cuz most of the teens my age are looking for a relationship for sexual reasons or to just look cool, and I honestly don't want to trample over someone's feelings so I never fully entered a relationship. 

If I was to say something I'd honestly say that I'm  borderline happy with being asexual, I feel like it's an advantage. But at the same time I feel that I'll probably die alone which really makes me feel bad, and the community that currently in isn't the best community to accept things like this, and to be honest it makes me feel less manly, even though I know I shouldn't feel that way I just can't help it. 

 

I'll be traveling for university soon and I'll be there for at least 4 years, so it's kind of a fresh start with an open-minded society. I really would love to know how I should handle this matter when I get there. I would love to hear advices from people of more knowledge than me in this matter. 

 

Thank you for reading such long paragraphs <3 

 

 

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chair jockey   
chair jockey

The key to being a proud or at least comfortable asexual is your level of personal resources and degree of independence. Going to university sounds like part of establishing material and financial independence, and attaining those helps greatly with standing up for yourself and telling people (including your father) that you have a right to be the way you are. But it sounds like you should wait until after you've established a working career before getting into that with him. And in terms of non-material things, it's a matter of self-confidence and the feeling that others can't harm you if you are open with them. That comes with self-knowledge and relative certainty about who you really are. Just always remember that you have a right to be who you really are. No one can take that right away even if they infringe on it.

 

Welcome to AVEN and enjoy your time here.

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God of the Forest   
God of the Forest
1 hour ago, Al.storm said:

Hi there, my name is Al and I have discovered that I am asexual a while back, and honestly I feel burdened by it, especially cuz it's the one thing that I really can't tell anyone about. 

 

I am 18 years old, finished high school and going to university. I started feeling out of place in middle school and it became really apparent in high school. Unlike my friends I didn't really seem to be interested in females, and I never acted as if I were, thinking that it's just a phase or something, until a few of my friends called me asexual as a joke (they meant the biology term) cuz I was never interested in sexual things.

I am a Muslim so that puts me in a very bad situation if I were to come out and say it, especially to my parents. Whenever I indirectly touch that subject with my parents I get extreme reactions, so far that my father once said that he might disown his son if he ever had a son like that. So I do not think of telling them anytime soon. 

I tried talking about it with some other people that I knew were open minded enough, but the response was almost always the same, that it's just a phase, that I'm still too young (I honestly still hope so). One of them even told me to try and watch porn or something like that, of course it conflicted with my religion, but I tried and was not amused nor have it been any fun. I never dated any person before cuz most of the teens my age are looking for a relationship for sexual reasons or to just look cool, and I honestly don't want to trample over someone's feelings so I never fully entered a relationship. 

If I was to say something I'd honestly say that I'm  borderline happy with being asexual, I feel like it's an advantage. But at the same time I feel that I'll probably die alone which really makes me feel bad, and the community that currently in isn't the best community to accept things like this, and to be honest it makes me feel less manly, even though I know I shouldn't feel that way I just can't help it. 

 

I'll be traveling for university soon and I'll be there for at least 4 years, so it's kind of a fresh start with an open-minded society. I really would love to know how I should handle this matter when I get there. I would love to hear advices from people of more knowledge than me in this matter. 

 

Thank you for reading such long paragraphs <3 

 

 

  What does your father mean " a son like that"? who the hell cares? Why is it so important to him whether you have sex or not? If anything I would think your parents would be relieved that you arent interested in sex! I personally wont allow my daughter to be sexually active til she's 50! (hyperbole) but you get my drift. Is there something about Islam in which it is imperative that you MUST have babies? Is that like a requirement in order to be a good Muslim or something? because if it is then we need to get you out of that sweetheart, no offense to peaceful and reasonable Muslims, but I start to have a real problem when religion dictiates who you have sex with, or even IF you have sex, so call me Islamaphobic but that shit aint right.

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Al.storm   
Al.storm
4 hours ago, chair jockey said:

The key to being a proud or at least comfortable asexual is your level of personal resources and degree of independence. Going to university sounds like part of establishing material and financial independence, and attaining those helps greatly with standing up for yourself and telling people (including your father) that you have a right to be the way you are. But it sounds like you should wait until after you've established a working career before getting into that with him. And in terms of non-material things, it's a matter of self-confidence and the feeling that others can't harm you if you are open with them. That comes with self-knowledge and relative certainty about who you really are. Just always remember that you have a right to be who you really are. No one can take that right away even if they infringe on it.

 

Welcome to AVEN and enjoy your time here.

I see, that sounds logical enough. First I'll have to stand on my own feet to do that. Thank you 

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Al.storm   
Al.storm
2 hours ago, King of the Forest said:

  What does your father mean " a son like that"? who the hell cares? Why is it so important to him whether you have sex or not? If anything I would think your parents would be relieved that you arent interested in sex! I personally wont allow my daughter to be sexually active til she's 50! (hyperbole) but you get my drift. Is there something about Islam in which it is imperative that you MUST have babies? Is that like a requirement in order to be a good Muslim or something? because if it is then we need to get you out of that sweetheart, no offense to peaceful and reasonable Muslims, but I start to have a real problem when religion dictiates who you have sex with, or even IF you have sex, so call me Islamaphobic but that shit aint right.

Well Tbh as a Muslim I see nothing wrong with the religion BUT I see that the people in it are taking it waaaaaayyyy too far, like some people are really extreme, and sadly my father is like that. I've read about it online and found out that it's fine to be asexual in islam but the people here just won't accept something like that x(

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kelico   
kelico

Welcome to AVEN! :cake: Thank you for joining and sharing your story with us! I'm glad you made your way here. : ) You're not alone in this! You'll meet a lot of supportive people that can relate to you here. We also have a thread in Intersectionality for fellow Muslim aces to connect. A lot of aces, sadly, have come across very similar reactions to their coming out (being told it's just a "phase" or you're "too young" etc.)...but what matters most is how you feel about yourself. Knowing yourself and accepting you for you is the best outcome. And you aren't destined to be alone forever! There are a lot of success stories here. : ) Best wishes, and I hope you enjoy being a member!

 

Now, for some more helpful information about the site, in addition to my welcome (and cake):

Spoiler


As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. :) The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 

Related image

 

 

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Al.storm   
Al.storm
3 hours ago, kelico said:

Welcome to AVEN! :cake: Thank you for joining and sharing your story with us! I'm glad you made your way here. : ) You're not alone in this! You'll meet a lot of supportive people that can relate to you here. We also have a thread in Intersectionality for fellow Muslim aces to connect. A lot of aces, sadly, have come across very similar reactions to their coming out (being told it's just a "phase" or you're "too young" etc.)...but what matters most is how you feel about yourself. Knowing yourself and accepting you for you is the best outcome. And you aren't destined to be alone forever! There are a lot of success stories here. : ) Best wishes, and I hope you enjoy being a member!

 

Now, for some more helpful information about the site, in addition to my welcome (and cake):

  Hide contents

 

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. :) The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 

Related image

 

 

Thank you. I'll make sure to check them out ^^

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