Jump to content

Confused Female with an Asexual Boyfriend


ThePanda

Recommended Posts

Hello,

I was wondering if anyone had any information or helpful tips for an asexual male and a sexual (If that's the correct term?) female relationship?

I'm new here, but alot of what I've read so far is mostly on asexual females. 

I love my boyfriend very much, and would really like to find a healthy way to work on this issue in our relationship. 

Thank you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Mostly Peaceful Ryan

Link

That thread may help you with sexual / asexual compromise relationships or to see how other's have handled them. Asexual women do seem to be more of the majority on the site so it can be 

Link

This is asexual man talking about his relationship with a sexual woman.

Link

Another male asexual talking about his experience.

Link

This thread is probably the best for a place where asexual men talked about their experience it is pretty long at 29 pages 

 

Women that are asexual do seem to be the majority on aven so it can be tough to find some from male point's of view. If you have any questions about male asexual experience I'm sure many in the community will be happy to answer. I don't identify that way anymore, but I don't mind helping as well if you have any personal questions you don't want on the forum you can PM me and I could probably answer the question or point you in the right direction. Welcome to AVEN :cake:

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
sir octepus tea

my most general advice is talk it out and respect boundaries. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

(correct, 'sexual' person' or allosexual are what non-asexuals are called)

 

What exactly is the problem? Him not sexually compromising? Him not desiring sex but compromising so it bugs you?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Depends on the problem, but communication is always key!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello, ThePanda.

I'm an Ace Male who has been in relationships with sexual females before.  I don't know the specifics of your situation, but in my case, the problems came down to understanding.  I realized I was Ace while in a relationship.  I didn't understand that my partner had this drive for sex.  For me it was sort of "meh, whatever"  Having sex held about the same interest for me as going out to a bar (and I'm not super found of loud noisy bars anyway).  That was not the case for my partner.  My lack of interest came across to her as a lack of interest in her, a failing on her part.  I did not understand that, and I didn't understand why my not wanting sex seemed to hurt her so much.  Because there was so much pain already there, The thing is, I was just beginning to understand what it is to be asexual, and by contrast, what is is not to be sexual.  If you're partner is just beginning to understand himself, then I would suggest giving him some time to figure things out, but also to make sure you explain to him how you're feeling, even the things you might think everyone understands, because who doesn't feel that way?  (Answer:  Many aces don't feel that way AND don't realize that other people do).  

In general, it's important to talk about what your partner is ok with, understanding that that might change over time, he might begin to become more comfortable with things over time, or he might over time become less comfortable with things.  Only time will tell.  It's also important to figure out and communicate what you need.  Is having sex only one or two times a month something you could live with?  Is not ever having sex something you could live with?  How frequently, and to what extent to you need sex to be content in a relationship?  That's something you have to figure out for yourself and that's something you need to talk about with your partner.  These are not all conversations you have to have at once, but they are all conversations you will have to have eventually. 

I hope I've been of some help, and if you have any questions, please feel free to message me.  I can only tell you about my experience, but I have been on the other side of a situation like you find yourself in now.  

Link to post
Share on other sites

Most asexual/sexual relationships take compromise, depending on how much you love each other and the overall longevity of the relationship in itself. Personally, I think it's easier to be in an asexual relationship for mental health and stability for asexuals, however, I also think it depends on both of you to work out the awkwardness.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...