How do I tell my date I'm ace?

[notanextra]

Anyone who could give me a hand with this I'd really appreciate it.

I'm asexual. I have no interest in having sex with anyone. I've just started seeing this guy. How and when do I bring up the fact that I'll never have sex with him? That sounds like something that could be a deal-breaker for a lot of non-aces. I know I need to be honest with him but even the thought of it is making me very anxious.

[Homer]

Be clear as day about it. I like the words you used in your opening post.

 

I have no experience with dating whatsoever, but it seems to be a "rule" to not wait longer than date #3 to tell him. At least that's what I got from similar topics on here.

 

Welcome to AVEN

[Sally]

Tell him you do not want to  have sex with anyone.  Emphasize the "anyone".  If he asks why, just say that you've thought about it and you are certain that you don't.  If there are more  questions, just repeat that.  

[Pramana]

When dating, most people will assume that you're sexual, so if you're asexual you should let them know as soon as possible. And like you say, it's probably a deal-breaker for most sexual people, but it's better to know now if it's not going to work out. If you don't want to be stuck explaining asexuality to someone who's not familiar with the concept, you could just say that you don't want to go into details and advise that they do an Internet search.

[Busrider]

7 hours ago, notanextra said:

I know I need to be honest with him but even the thought of it is making me very anxious.

If you are anxious pick a safe neutral location, but get it done ASAP!

[TopHatCat]

I told my friends I was ace by texting them "hey I have to tell you a thing" to which they responded "what" and I just sent a picture of the ace flag. They got it quickly and were super chill. If saying it is too stressful, send pictures or a strip comic that says it for you.

[notanextra]

8 hours ago, TopHatCat said:

 

I told my friends I was ace by texting them

 

I did consider doing it over text but I think because I'm telling someone who potentially wants to have sex with me it should be a face to face conversation? I'd tell my friends over text but I feel like telling someone I'm dating over text is a bit cowardly of me

[Lara Black]

2 hours ago, notanextra said:

I did consider doing it over text but I think because I'm telling someone who potentially wants to have sex with me it should be a face to face conversation? I'd tell my friends over text but I feel like telling someone I'm dating over text is a bit cowardly of me

Hello, Notanextra.

Texting is not necessarily an inappropriate means of discussing sensitive matters with someone you like – it gives the other person enough time to think, breathe out and chill.

I’m glad my partner told me about his asexuality via IMing – it gave me the opportunity to pick up my jaw, weigh how much I want to pursue a relationship with him and compose an understanding reply.  

I guess, you need to figure out what you want more – his first, spontaneous response or to give him time to think about this on his own.

[The Dryad]

On 5/12/2017 at 3:41 PM, notanextra said:

Anyone who could give me a hand with this I'd really appreciate it.

I'm asexual. I have no interest in having sex with anyone. I've just started seeing this guy. How and when do I bring up the fact that I'll never have sex with him? That sounds like something that could be a deal-breaker for a lot of non-aces. I know I need to be honest with him but even the thought of it is making me very anxious.

Just say it. There's no use holding it in, just like gay people and transgender people have to breach the topic at some point so do we, just rip it off like a band-aid, but seriously, if it's a deal breaker, then it's not the right person.