true Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 Ok, normally, in our society, the boundary between a friendship and a relationship is, well, sex. If I don't ever want to have sex, then where is the line between a friendship and a relationship? Does anyone here know? I'm especially interested to hear from asexuals that have been in a relationship. . . how did you feel differently around that person than with a close friend? Is there a line, even if very blurry, between love for a friend and something more? Link to post Share on other sites
Moose-Alini Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 Wherever you want to put it. Its completley subjective. Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 No idea. I've never been in a relationship :mrgreen: Link to post Share on other sites
AVENguy Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 Well, this is The Question, isn't it. I would say that there isn't a line. Sex usually SERVES as one (that's why sexuals get so worked up over it) but there's not one really. Link to post Share on other sites
gambit_boi Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 this culture and language need more fluidity in describing human relationships. sadly, the notion of romantic friendship (a beautiful, facinating thing) died out in the white united states and parts of europe in the victorian age. i'd say it's up to us asexuals to re-invent language to suit our needs (and the needs of others, even if they're not aware of it yet). Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 sadly, the notion of romantic friendship (a beautiful, facinating thing) died out... i'd say it's up to us asexuals to re-invent language to suit our needs (and the needs of others, even if they're not aware of it yet). YES! Thank you, gambit_boi. The use of sexuality to define interpersonal relationships have blinded society to the emotional spectrum, making it instead a binary system of being "just" friends, and being in a "real" romantic relationship. I'd say more on this but I'm really tired. So I'll stop while I'm ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 Right on, Gambit_boi! And I'm also with Moose in that you have to decide for yourself. I think the line is a conversation where the two of you say: 'Though we are not having sex we are in an intimate committed realtionship equal to a [insert marriage or whatever].' Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Djm912 Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 The line is really just a sort of understanding that you and the other person have. It doesn't necessarily have to be sex, despite what society tells us. But that's all relative. Link to post Share on other sites
mcsquared Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 Ok, normally, in our society, the boundary between a friendship and a relationship is, well, sex. If I don't ever want to have sex, then where is the line between a friendship and a relationship? Does anyone here know? That's a good question. With my conservative Catholic upbringing, I would have to disagree that sex is the boundary. I actually touched on this discussion yesterday who was upset because a girl he had a crush on wanted to be "mere" friends which set me off. He insisted it wasn't as much physical but that "friendship doesn't involve the same level of commitment and loyalty". Looking at my friends who are couples, it seems like they do limited PDA but are always calling each other up, concerned, know everything about each other, occasional snuggle and soft voices, though i obviously don't know what goes on "off-screen". But I've had really close relationships with gay men and guys with girlfriends which makes the whole thing seem arbitrary. In my experience, it seems on one hand, friends more easily take you for granted because there is not the constant need of gratification of talking to the crushee but on the other hand, they are usually longer lasting cause when you break-up you are less likely to hear from the person again. Just my take on things, but I'm still trying to answer this question myself... Link to post Share on other sites
mcsquared Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 Ok, normally, in our society, the boundary between a friendship and a relationship is, well, sex. If I don't ever want to have sex, then where is the line between a friendship and a relationship? Does anyone here know? That's a good question. With my conservative Catholic upbringing, I would have to disagree that sex is the boundary. I actually touched on this discussion yesterday who was upset because a girl he had a crush on wanted to be "mere" friends which set me off. He insisted it wasn't as much physical but that "friendship doesn't involve the same level of commitment and loyalty". Looking at my friends who are couples, it seems like they do limited PDA but are always calling each other up, concerned, know everything about each other, occasional snuggle and soft voices, though i obviously don't know what goes on "off-screen". But I've had really close relationships with gay men and guys with girlfriends which makes the whole thing seem arbitrary. In my experience, it seems on one hand, friends more easily take you for granted because there is not the constant need of gratification of talking to the crushee but on the other hand, they are usually longer lasting cause when you break-up you are less likely to hear from the person again. Just my take on things, but I'm still trying to answer this question myself... Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 This is what the people in my class were asking when we discussed the nerve article. I didnt really have a good answer: I just said that it was something that FELT like more than a friendship, or that it was like a sexual relationship without the sex...I guess it really comes down to how you feel, as someone else said: if you feel like it's more, than it is. But it is definitely an ever changing line. Link to post Share on other sites
gambit_boi Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 yes, i agree with VivreEstEsperer. if it feels to you that there is more than "like" there, it's your relationship, your friend, your call. you know, i suggest everyone go looking under google:society:relationships:friendship. much of the content there would stun most contemporary-thinking folks. romantic odes to dear friends worthy of tennyson, long eloquent pleas for the revival of romantic friendships, thoughtfully written acticles on boston marriages.... a veritable platonic paradisio. Link to post Share on other sites
The Chocolate Jew Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 I don't think it's the sex. I think it's the (assumed) monogamy. I was once briefly dating a man who, when the subject of where we each wanted the relationship to go came up, said he wanted to "be friends and have sex." :lol: Neither sex nor a romantic/exclusive relationship implies the other. What is this whole `romantic friendship' idea? Could you (conscionably) carry on a `romantic friendship' with a married person? What makes you think taking the sex out automatically makes it (just) a friendship? Sometimes you will hear a therapist talk about `emotional infidelity' in a marriage. The idea is that even if you aren't sleeping around, you're still being unfaithful to your spouse if you share things with other people (particularly one other person) you don't share with them. The idea is that a marriage (and by extension, a less-settled relationship) should be a life partnership. Link to post Share on other sites
Skiddaloxx Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 Someone here said: It's subjective! And that just sums it up. In a world of fuck buddies, romance without sex, one night stands, friends who just try it out together once, you can't really define it. I don't like romance being portrayed as "something more than friendship". Both things are different and not in hierarchical order. People who have always been friends, might fall in love, yes. But people who have been in love, can also become friends when they are not in love anymore. Skiddaloxx (Call for advice! 8) ) Link to post Share on other sites
gambit_boi Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 anyone remember that seinfeld episode where elaine convinces seinfeld they "have to have sex...to save the friendship!"? i never got how that was supposed to make sense. i guess the assumption was that male-female friendships are automatically ripe with sexual tension that'll spill into reality and ruin the relationship unless it's acted on. :? Link to post Share on other sites
Skiddaloxx Posted November 3, 2003 Share Posted November 3, 2003 Boi, it's called Hollywood. Link to post Share on other sites
JKReagan99 Posted November 4, 2003 Share Posted November 4, 2003 I don't like romance being portrayed as "something more than friendship". Both things are different and not in hierarchical order. People who have always been friends, might fall in love, yes. But people who have been in love, can also become friends when they are not in love anymore. I don't really like that definition either, but rather because it really is vague (though I'm not sure romance really *can* be defined.) I do think however that *romance* does require the two people to be friends first, as I view it as a very close connection between two people (and in different situations romance does look different.) I do not consider one-night stands romantic, due to the lack of real emotional/intellectual closeness. As friendship does involve some level of this connection, though not as high a level, people can leave being romantic/in love and still come back to *just being friends* I hope that made at least some sense... Link to post Share on other sites
Skiddaloxx Posted November 4, 2003 Share Posted November 4, 2003 From my experience of observation, I can say that you don't have to be friends before it gets romantic. It's that people-get-to-know-each-other-and-it-sparkles-between-them-thing....they go on dates to get to know each other because they feel a romantic affection towards one another. Of course it might happen as well, that friendships start to become romantic too, not just that often. Link to post Share on other sites
aury Posted November 4, 2003 Share Posted November 4, 2003 *feels like a huge ass for misunderstanding the meaning of "romantic relationship"* :oops: :oops: :oops: Link to post Share on other sites
HiroProtagonist Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Personally, I think you know when someone is more than just a friend to you. It's in the way you think about them, rather than the things you do. There is a difference between friend and very best friend, but there is also a difference between very best friend and something more... and most of it is in your mind. Even if you WERE having sex with them, they may still just only be a friend, with whom you were having sex - if you get what I mean. Link to post Share on other sites
JKReagan99 Posted November 5, 2003 Share Posted November 5, 2003 Even if you WERE having sex with them, they may still just only be a friend, with whom you were having sex - if you get what I mean. And along that line, you can be romantic with someone, but not have sex. I see being romantic as being more intimate (intellectually and emotionally) than just freinds, and I'm not sure there is a distinct separation where something make an event romantic. But as being romantic involves a higher level on intimacy, and being a friend is having intimacy liek this to some level, I do see a romantic realationship as being something more than a friendship.... Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted November 7, 2003 Share Posted November 7, 2003 Just the thought of sex with my friends makes me shudder :? Link to post Share on other sites
JKReagan99 Posted November 8, 2003 Share Posted November 8, 2003 or any sex with anyone, for that matter... :? Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted November 8, 2003 Share Posted November 8, 2003 Amen to that Josh! Testify! Link to post Share on other sites
Zorui Posted November 8, 2003 Share Posted November 8, 2003 When one of the friends is killed in my road to domination! Just had to say that, y'know? Link to post Share on other sites
Skiddaloxx Posted November 8, 2003 Share Posted November 8, 2003 If I was you, I wouldn't kill too much. D'you know what happens to teen boys in jail? Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted November 8, 2003 Share Posted November 8, 2003 Probably something that crosses the line between friendship and "something more." *waggles eyebrows* Link to post Share on other sites
Skiddaloxx Posted November 8, 2003 Share Posted November 8, 2003 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *nudges Julie* LOL joke of the day :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Zorui Posted November 8, 2003 Share Posted November 8, 2003 If I was you, I wouldn't kill too much. D'you know what happens to teen boys in jail? People try to rape them and are unexpectedly slaughtered by their psychic powers. EDIT: But as just mentioned, it does not matter if you are not caught. Link to post Share on other sites
JKReagan99 Posted November 9, 2003 Share Posted November 9, 2003 If I was you, I wouldn't kill too much. D'you know what happens to teen boys in jail? if you are careful and don't get caught, then nothing....... ;) Link to post Share on other sites
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