lilkawaiivampire Posted May 6, 2017 Author Share Posted May 6, 2017 13 minutes ago, Feys&Florets said: Please, keep in contact with us - we are genuinely concerned for you, and hope you stay safe. I will, thank you. It really means a lot Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted May 6, 2017 Share Posted May 6, 2017 Sorry, I read your posting while getting ready for work, so I had no chance to type a proper reply earlier. Like everybody above I want to firmly suggest to stay away from him. 9 hours ago, aeimquy159 said: 9 hours ago, lilkawaiivampire said: No, unfortunately, there isn't anyone I can talk to in real life for a few reasons: 1. He's my only friend and only person I trust 2. I don't want to get him into any trouble 3. Talking about things like this in person makes me feel embarrassed and dumb 4. My parents and homeschool teacher don't take things like this seriously 1. He's not your friend 2. What trouble? If you tell him GTFO of your life what trouble does he get in? 3. So do I and many others. Feeling like that is the human condition. 4. Then you have to take it seriously, very seriously. Find more friends! - There is the AVEN penpals section and maybe you can lure somebody from here on Skype or similar too, if you prefer talking over writing. Your choice, but please follow the advice in the quote above! If you don't like to talk, send him a text message / letter. Keep it short. At least they taught you how to use the Internet. - I'm glad you made it here. - Dunno what to say. 16 is probably a good age to start practicing saying "No!" on your own? You have great instincts. - Get used to them. Follow them. And please stop being like a Guinea pig. - No offense meant, but have you ever picked one of them up? - They have an instinct to play dead in that case, just as you described 10 hours ago, lilkawaiivampire said: I'm always too scared to say anything. I'm afraid I'll make him angry or upset. It's causing me a great deal of stress and anxiety When you are uncomfortable it is time to walk away and stay away. I'm no saint. - I made some gals uncomfortable too, ages ago. But after apologizing once I did at least realize that if I feel a strong desire to touch them I shouldn't hang around with them. - (Sorry I have no clue how long it takes to get over a serious crush if that 's possible at all. - I guess it varies from person to person.) Link to post Share on other sites
Ace ♠ At ♠ Archery Posted May 6, 2017 Share Posted May 6, 2017 He sounds horrible. You need to say "No, I don't like you in that way. We're just friends." Not only that but he already has a girlfriend? If I were you I would stay away from him. He doesn't sound trustworthy or like he deserves your friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
lilkawaiivampire Posted May 9, 2017 Author Share Posted May 9, 2017 UPDATE: Hi! So, as promised, here's an update on the situation. A TON has happened over the past few days since my best friend did what he did to me and it's all been really... overwhelming. I did as advised and told him we shouldn't hang out anymore and, as expected, he turned all the blame to me and twisted his words and stuff. Of course, I did feel quite guilty, but held my ground and soon enough he finally accepted it, apologized, and confessed to how awful his actions were. Their was a peaceful resolve, but I'm still on edge because the last girl who called him out for trying to force himself on her had hell descend upon her life--courtesy of him. So, I'm afraid he wasn't really sorry and wants to get revenge on me, but I'm almost certain that's just my paranoia kicking in. Anyway, my sister noticed something was off a bit too quickly for my liking and made me tell her what was going on. So, she had me tell my other sister, who made me tell my parents. My mom, dad, and two sisters all had reactions that SERIOUSLY clashed and made it 1000x more difficult on me, causing a lot of feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression. So, home has kind of become hell again and it's just been really difficult to keep pushing through. To make everything even worse, everyone keeps telling me I'm going through a phase or haven't met the right person yet and that's the real reason for my asexuality and sex-repulsion. So...yeah. I can't say for sure I'm safe, but there's a 90% chance I probably am. Anyway, my sincerest apologies for the long update and thank you all again for reaching out and helping me when in such a situation. I hope you all have a blessed and wonderful day! ~ Lots of Love~ --LilVamp-- Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 Please tell me your family did not condone his behaviour, because that is sick. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 Yeah, seriously. What the hell is there for your family to even clash about? They ought to just be glad you managed to ditch a creeper. Link to post Share on other sites
lilkawaiivampire Posted May 9, 2017 Author Share Posted May 9, 2017 18 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said: Please tell me your family did not condone his behaviour, because that is sick. They didn't condone his behavior, but my mom and sister don't think it matters because he didn't actually rape me. Link to post Share on other sites
lilkawaiivampire Posted May 9, 2017 Author Share Posted May 9, 2017 17 minutes ago, Philip027 said: Yeah, seriously. What the hell is there for your family to even clash about? They ought to just be glad you managed to ditch a creeper. Well, my mom and sister think I should just get over it because he didn't actually rape me; whereas, my dad and other sister believe it will take time for me to heal from the betrayal and understand that, even though he didn't rape me, he still sexually violated me and betrayed my trust. So, while my mom and sister fuss at me and stuff, my dad and other sister try to get them to leave me alone and show compassion rather than anger and frustration. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 32 minutes ago, lilkawaiivampire said: They didn't condone his behavior, but my mom and sister don't think it matters because he didn't actually rape me. What the actual fuck? If anyone ever said that to me my entire family would quite literally rip their heart out. Threatening or 'joking' about raping someone is never ok. Link to post Share on other sites
miauw Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 This whole story is completely freaking me out. That guy is manipulative, and abusive, and scary, and creepy as f*ck, and nothing like any friend at all, and certainly not a best friend. And I cannot imagine saying "Oh, it's OK, he didn't actually rape you." What's that supposed to mean, let's wait until he actually rapes you, until then, everything's perfectly fine?! At the very, very least, his behavior is sexual harassment. And a ton of other things. If I shared something like that with my family, they would be more likely to organize a lynching party. Somehow I feel that would be the more appropriate reaction... Edit: I don't actually feel like I can get over this thing, as a concept. And it didn't even happen to me. "Get over it." Yeah, right. Right away. I am completely livid just thinking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tyke Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 2 hours ago, lilkawaiivampire said: because the last girl who called him out for trying to force himself on her had hell descend upon her life--courtesy of him. He has history? Good grief.... I'm lost for words. But let's focus on the positives. You are away from him. Your family know he's bad news, and why. And they are all (to different extents, admittedly, and in their own ways), supportive of you. Still things to address there, of course there are. You've been through a bad experience but avoided something a lot worse. And you've found AVEN! Keep in touch. Link to post Share on other sites
miauw Posted May 9, 2017 Share Posted May 9, 2017 I apparently missed the part where he has a history. Now I want to throw up. Or murder something. I think I'll just remove myself from this thread... Link to post Share on other sites
lilkawaiivampire Posted May 10, 2017 Author Share Posted May 10, 2017 33 minutes ago, Midland Tyke said: He has history? Good grief.... I'm lost for words. But let's focus on the positives. You are away from him. Your family know he's bad news, and why. And they are all (to different extents, admittedly, and in their own ways), supportive of you. Still things to address there, of course there are. You've been through a bad experience but avoided something a lot worse. And you've found AVEN! Keep in touch. Yeah, I discovered he had a history after what he did to me and it left me feeling even more disgusting than before. Also, you're right. There are many positives to the current situation and I am truly blessed to have avoided worse. I'm sure things at home will calm down in time, but for now, I just need to focus on the positives. And, I am so beyond thankful for finding AVEN. If I had not found this, I wouldn't have known what to do and probably would have gotten myself in an even worse situation with him.I'll definitely be keeping in touch because it's feels so nice to have a place where I can safely talk about this stuff and talk to nice, sweet people who care about my safety. Link to post Share on other sites
lilkawaiivampire Posted May 10, 2017 Author Share Posted May 10, 2017 55 minutes ago, miau said: This whole story is completely freaking me out. That guy is manipulative, and abusive, and scary, and creepy as f*ck, and nothing like any friend at all, and certainly not a best friend. And I cannot imagine saying "Oh, it's OK, he didn't actually rape you." What's that supposed to mean, let's wait until he actually rapes you, until then, everything's perfectly fine?! At the very, very least, his behavior is sexual harassment. And a ton of other things. If I shared something like that with my family, they would be more likely to organize a lynching party. Somehow I feel that would be the more appropriate reaction... Edit: I don't actually feel like I can get over this thing, as a concept. And it didn't even happen to me. "Get over it." Yeah, right. Right away. I am completely livid just thinking about it. My sincerest apologies; I never meant to freak anyone out or make anyone livid. Link to post Share on other sites
miauw Posted May 10, 2017 Share Posted May 10, 2017 4 minutes ago, lilkawaiivampire said: My sincerest apologies; I never meant to freak anyone out or make anyone livid. It's not your fault, honey. I guess in a way it triggered a reaction and reminded me of something somewhat similar which happened to me a few years ago. I just don't like thinking about it and situations like that make me angry on principle anyway - justifiably, I think. My situation was different, though. I was a grown-*ss woman with sexual (and otherwise) experience and he was not my best and only friend. He was my (ex)boyfriends "brother" and supposedly a close friend of mine too though. So it was still disturbing and violating and a huge betrayal of trust. And when I confronted him about it two years or so later when we next saw each other, he was a manipulative bastard, smiling charmingly and twisting my words and offering to meet some time to talk about it in a more appropriate setting. Yeah, like I trust him enough to go somewhere with him alone! I think that's what actually hurt the most - the betrayal of trust. His attempt to manipulate me during and after was just the cherry on top. People like that are not friends. They are not capable of being friends. They are just sociopaths who play the role really well for a time. I'm sorry, you want to feel positive and here I am being a ranting mess. Just keep safe and take care of yourself. People like that don't deserve you and you deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Tyke Posted May 10, 2017 Share Posted May 10, 2017 18 minutes ago, miau said: 31 minutes ago, lilkawaiivampire said: My sincerest apologies; I never meant to freak anyone out or make anyone livid. No need to apologise. From time to time recounting experiences hit a reader in a weak spot. But that's not a reason to stop. Or apologise. Link to post Share on other sites
lilkawaiivampire Posted May 10, 2017 Author Share Posted May 10, 2017 13 minutes ago, miau said: It's not your fault, honey. I guess in a way it triggered a reaction and reminded me of something somewhat similar which happened to me a few years ago. I just don't like thinking about it and situations like that make me angry on principle anyway - justifiably, I think. My situation was different, though. I was a grown-*ss woman with sexual (and otherwise) experience and he was not my best and only friend. He was my (ex)boyfriends "brother" and supposedly a close friend of mine too though. So it was still disturbing and violating and a huge betrayal of trust. And when I confronted him about it two years or so later when we next saw each other, he was a manipulative bastard, smiling charmingly and twisting my words and offering to meet some time to talk about it in a more appropriate setting. Yeah, like I trust him enough to go somewhere with him alone! I think that's what actually hurt the most - the betrayal of trust. His attempt to manipulate me during and after was just the cherry on top. People like that are not friends. They are not capable of being friends. They are just sociopaths who play the role really well for a time. I'm sorry, you want to feel positive and here I am being a ranting mess. Just keep safe and take care of yourself. People like that don't deserve you and you deserve better. Please don't feel like you have to apologize for getting something like that off your chest. I'm actually glad you shared that because it helps me feel less alone in this, you know. However, I truly am sorry you went through that sort of betrayal and violation. You in no way deserved that and I'm going to be praying for total and complete emotional, mental, and physical healing for you. You're always welcome to rant, vent, or talk about things that are bothering you and I'll never judge you for anything you might have done or been through. You have my word; therefore, if you ever need anyone to talk to, please feel free to pm me. I know I'm just a sixteen year old, but I've been told I'm a great listener and give good advice. I hope you are able to heal from the deep wounds he gave you and I want you to know you are a strong inspiration to those around you. Please stay safe, stay strong, and take care of yourself <3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tyke Posted May 10, 2017 Share Posted May 10, 2017 4 minutes ago, lilkawaiivampire said: Please don't feel like you have to apologize for getting something like that off your chest. I'm actually glad you shared that because it helps me feel less alone in this, you know. However, I truly am sorry you went through that sort of betrayal and violation. You in no way deserved that and I'm going to be praying for total and complete emotional, mental, and physical healing for you. You're always welcome to rant, vent, or talk about things that are bothering you and I'll never judge you for anything you might have done or been through. You have my word; therefore, if you ever need anyone to talk to, please feel free to pm me. I know I'm just a sixteen year old, but I've been told I'm a great listener and give good advice. I hope you are able to heal from the deep wounds he gave you and I want you to know you are a strong inspiration to those around you. Please stay safe, stay strong, and take care of yourself <3 The world has a future if a 16-year-old can write like this... Link to post Share on other sites
Comrade F&F Posted May 10, 2017 Share Posted May 10, 2017 5 hours ago, lilkawaiivampire said: They didn't condone his behavior, but my mom and sister don't think it matters because he didn't actually rape me. What the hell?! Oh gosh. >.< Please, if your family can't protect you, please please please, get in contact with a hotline and get people around you that will protect you. At least your father and sister understand the severity. Good love... *deep breath* okay, okay. I'm calm now. Yes, you are more than welcomed here! We love having people, ad we got cake to spare! Link to post Share on other sites
Comrade F&F Posted May 10, 2017 Share Posted May 10, 2017 2 hours ago, Midland Tyke said: The world has a future if a 16-year-old can write like this... QFT!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Hermit Advocate Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 I seriously want to kidnap you away from him and your family and wrap you in a blanket burrito so no one can hurt you ever again. I'll even let you cuddle with my cat, and I'm possessive about my cat. Please stay safe and know that you can talk to us about anything. Link to post Share on other sites
lilkawaiivampire Posted May 11, 2017 Author Share Posted May 11, 2017 10 minutes ago, Hey you in the corner said: I seriously want to kidnap you away from him and your family and wrap you in a blanket burrito so no one can hurt you ever again. I'll even let you cuddle with my cat, and I'm possessive about my cat. Please stay safe and know that you can talk to us about anything. AWE! Cats are the absolute best! Also, thank you very much for caring. I'll stay as safe as I can; I appreciate being able to talk about things I'm dealing with without being judged or brushed to the side. It truly means a lot. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
lilkawaiivampire Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 So, I decided to post another update..um..things have gone even more downhill for myself personally. I'm currently smiling and being extra positive in attempt to sway my family into believing I'm okay and over it, but in truth, I'm destroying myself. I've been taking too much, but had to stop because my body was reacting negatively. I didn't sleep or eat for a week and barely functioned at school, but kept smiling. I've been involuntarily vomiting too. I've had dangerous urges and stuff and I'm trying so hard to fight, but I was already dealing with severe depression when he betrayed and violated me. He kind of pushed me over the edge. I've done a lot of things to myself throughout my life, but lately I've been doing even worse and more permanently damaging things. I'm afraid of therapists and mental institutions; I've been before and it was like every horror movie and book combined, but that was my personal experience. So, as you can see, I'm hopeless. To make everything a thousand times worse, some people I'm hoping to learn to trust and be able to call my friends are forcing me to tell them what happened. Every. Little. Detail. It happened almost two weeks ago; I should be over it by now. I've been beating myself up a lot because I feel pathetic and I feel like I'm to blame. Out of the things someone can do to me, there are only two that will drive me away: rape and sexual violation. He could have beaten me until I was half dead and I still would have been his friend afterwards. But he sexually violated me instead and it makes me so sad to admit that. I feel so pathetic because I fear wearing tight clothes and being touched. I was already modest and fearful of touch enough before he touched me in ways I never wanted anyone to. I literally just started giving people hugs and wearing shorts a few months ago! Now I'm back to square one. It's my own fault for trusting him in the first place. I'm barely hanging on right now and I feel so alone. I've isolated myself due to feelings of shame and impurity, even though, by definition, I'm still pure. My body just feels so... disgusting. I also have a disorder which makes touch painful for me until I grow used to it and it makes me feel things emotionally more than others. So, the betrayal is overwhelming. Not to mention, I already have PTSD from other past issues involving harmful touch. He knew that. He didn't care. I think that's what hurts the most. I finally had a real, true friend who didn't.. do bad things to me. Now that friendship is gone. I always told people if anyone ever sexually violated or raped me, I would end it because, for me personally, I couldn't bear to live with those memories and shame; with the ghost of their touch upon my body. However, that's just me personally. Besides, my stupid disorder only intensifies those feelings. I just.. I don't know anymore. I feel.. I feel nothing, absolutely nothing. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be bothering all of you with, yet I posted it anyway. I guess I just need an outlet. Again, I'm truly sorry for being such an melodramatic downer. I'm just.. I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLittleRabbit Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 15 minutes ago, lilkawaiivampire said: To make everything a thousand times worse, some people I'm hoping to learn to trust and be able to call my friends are forcing me to tell them what happened. Every. Little. Detail. It happened almost two weeks ago; I should be over it by now. I've been beating myself up a lot because I feel pathetic and I feel like I'm to blame. Out of the things someone can do to me, there are only two that will drive me away: rape and sexual violation. He could have beaten me until I was half dead and I still would have been his friend afterwards. But he sexually violated me instead and it makes me so sad to admit that. I feel so pathetic because I fear wearing tight clothes and being touched. I was already modest and fearful of touch enough before he touched me in ways I never wanted anyone to. I literally just started giving people hugs and wearing shorts a few months ago! Now I'm back to square one. First off, don't apologize any of this-- it is not your fault. Healing takes time. If you have difficulty being kind to yourself-- imagine if someone else was in your position-- you wouldn't be telling them to "just get over it" if they had all of this going on in their life, and you shouldn't be that cruel to yourself either. It's a process, and it's a long and messy one, and most people don't understand this because have more experience with how relationships and friendships are supposed to work from pop culture than from actual friendships with real humans. In the grand scheme of things, your new potential friends are young, and they might not realize the damage their questions are causing. I'd recommend saying something along the lines of, "I appreciate your concern, but talking about it makes me feel worse, and I'd rather not right now. If I feel the need to open up later, I'll remember that I can come to you, but please don't push me to talk about it. I'd rather think/talk about something else right now. I don't want to let what happened control my whole life." If they can't understand and support that-- you're probably better off looking for friendship somewhere else, and you're still welcome to come here and talk with us. Also, I'd fully encourage healthy distractions right now, since it seems like most of your relationships are making you dwell on things more than helping you think about other things. Read some books, watch movies, play video games write, draw, listen to music, play instruments, go for hikes-- Whatever works for you specifically to give you a short break from all of this negativity. Obviously these things don't fix the problem, but sometimes even just a short break helps you think more clearly. Also make sure that you get enough sleep and eat properly, stick with lots of broths and soups if you're having trouble keeping food down. It sounds like at least one of your parents is being supportive right now, and if you need a day off from school to take care of yourself, you should do it. If school nurses are the same as they were in my day, they'll usually send you home if you say you've been vomiting-- you are going through a legitimate crisis, both physical, mental, and spiritual, and I think taking that seriously and taking care of yourself is an essential step to eventually feeling better. A healthy body is the basis for a healthy mind. If I even just have 2 bad nights of sleep in a row, I turn into an unstoppable eating machine that cries for no reason, and even knowing that about me, I can't stop it from happening. Sleep is soo, soo important. Link to post Share on other sites
lilkawaiivampire Posted May 17, 2017 Author Share Posted May 17, 2017 18 minutes ago, TheLittleRabbit said: First off, don't apologize any of this-- it is not your fault. Healing takes time. If you have difficulty being kind to yourself-- imagine if someone else was in your position-- you wouldn't be telling them to "just get over it" if they had all of this going on in their life, and you shouldn't be that cruel to yourself either. It's a process, and it's a long and messy one, and most people don't understand this because have more experience with how relationships and friendships are supposed to work from pop culture than from actual friendships with real humans. In the grand scheme of things, your new potential friends are young, and they might not realize the damage their questions are causing. I'd recommend saying something along the lines of, "I appreciate your concern, but talking about it makes me feel worse, and I'd rather not right now. If I feel the need to open up later, I'll remember that I can come to you, but please don't push me to talk about it. I'd rather think/talk about something else right now. I don't want to let what happened control my whole life." If they can't understand and support that-- you're probably better off looking for friendship somewhere else, and you're still welcome to come here and talk with us. Also, I'd fully encourage healthy distractions right now, since it seems like most of your relationships are making you dwell on things more than helping you think about other things. Read some books, watch movies, play video games write, draw, listen to music, play instruments, go for hikes-- Whatever works for you specifically to give you a short break from all of this negativity. Obviously these things don't fix the problem, but sometimes even just a short break helps you think more clearly. Also make sure that you get enough sleep and eat properly, stick with lots of broths and soups if you're having trouble keeping food down. It sounds like at least one of your parents is being supportive right now, and if you need a day off from school to take care of yourself, you should do it. If school nurses are the same as they were in my day, they'll usually send you home if you say you've been vomiting-- you are going through a legitimate crisis, both physical, mental, and spiritual, and I think taking that seriously and taking care of yourself is an essential step to eventually feeling better. A healthy body is the basis for a healthy mind. If I even just have 2 bad nights of sleep in a row, I turn into an unstoppable eating machine that cries for no reason, and even knowing that about me, I can't stop it from happening. Sleep is soo, soo important. Thank you. I'll try to find distractions that work for me and I'll talk with my new friends about how I don't want to open up yet. I'm going to try to get more sleep and eat better too. Thank you for assuring me this isn't my fault and it's okay to take time to heal and stuff. Most people haven't given much thought to it because it wasn't literal rape, so your words mean a lot to me. I'll do my best to get my mind off of what happened and keep fighting. You're a really sweet person for taking the time to give advice to a someone you do not know and it truly blesses me. Thank you ~~ Link to post Share on other sites
TheLittleRabbit Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 1 minute ago, lilkawaiivampire said: Thank you. I'll try to find distractions that work for me and I'll talk with my new friends about how I don't want to open up yet. I'm going to try to get more sleep and eat better too. Thank you for assuring me this isn't my fault and it's okay to take time to heal and stuff. Most people haven't given much thought to it because it wasn't literal rape, so your words mean a lot to me. I'll do my best to get my mind off of what happened and keep fighting. You're a really sweet person for taking the time to give advice to a someone you do not know and it truly blesses me. Thank you ~~ You seem like a really sweet person too, and you don't deserve what's happened/happening to you. Unfortunately, the culture in the US regarding mental illness and trauma is often backwards, and for some reason people learn to be "helpful" by doing things that are proven to be harmful to people going through these types of things, which makes it even harder to take care of yourself because it's easy to feel guilty when this sort of "help" makes you feel worse instead of better.... But good people will listen to you and respect how you want to be treated, and I know it seems like there isn't anywhere near enough of those people out there, but they are out there...And I'm pretty sure you might be one of them. So take care of yourself, please! Link to post Share on other sites
Kai99 Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Reading this whole situation makes me mad. Very mad. It is unfortunate that there are so many horrible, manipulative people out there who will try to win your trust, than take advantage of it. That guy only thought of his own urges and disregarded your feelings completely, and people like that are the lowest of people. The bad thing is, it is hard to tell these people apart from the real good people. Don't blame yourself for falling for his "good guy" persona. It is something that vast majority of people would fall for. It isn't your fault for trusting him. They are very good with hiding their intentions. Don't feel like you need to hide your feelings from here. I understand how good it can feel to post anonymously on here about your pain and troubles. Please do so as much as possible. Going through a betrayal like that is horrible and it will take time to adjust through the pain. The only advice I can give you is to try to find healthy ways to deal. Whether that be through exercise or even reading a book about dealing with trauma. I would also advise you to tell your friends, even if it is by text if you have a cell phone, for them to stop asking you questions about it. You shouldn't have to give them an explanation for why they need to stop, but if they do ask, just say you are working on yourself so no talking about this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
lilkawaiivampire Posted May 22, 2017 Author Share Posted May 22, 2017 FINAL UPDATE: So, from my past posts, it's obvious these past few weeks haven't been the best. However, everything seems to have taken a turn for a better end. I decided to tell my new friends on Wednesday what had happened, just as they wanted me to. To my surprise, they were absolutely furious, so much so they planned to beat him until he would have to go to the hospital. Of course, I hadn't planned on anyone getting hurt and I had no desire for that to happen to him. Over the course of a few days, things got really out of hand. My new friends gladly fueled my anger towards him and I began to agree with the idea of his suffering. When I snapped back to my morals and realized justice was for God to dish out, not me or anyone else, things went even further. My family and new friends wanted me to go to the police. I had the texts and I had proof, but this didn't seem worthy of such attention. I had never wanted it to spiral out of control, but it had. Then more drama surfaced. He deleted the texts to make it look like he didn't do anything, so, thankfully, my new friends weren't allowed to beat him up. ~ Oh, I did find out he's being sent away over the summer to military school so he'll shape up. I think it will be good for him.~ His family believes he's guilty, however, I've asked everyone who found out to let it go. Originally, I hadn't even wanted my own family to know and now they know, his family knows, and my new friends know. But it's okay. Things happen. Anyway, I'm working hard at becoming more mentally and emotionally stable and am fighting to bounce back to my good old positive, optimistic, cheerful self.Of course, my new friends can't promise if they see him they won't hurt him, however, they're going to let it go for now. As for my family, my mom is being really supportive now and has been there for me since Wednesday when I finally fell apart and my sister helped to reassure me to relax and wait for everything to die down. As I type this, I can't help but smile at my own progress. It might seem vain or prideful, but I'll admit I'm proud of myself. I stopped taking too much medicine and am working on getting my diet in order again. This morning, I actually got up at an early hour and sat down at the table to eat breakfast! That may not seem like a big deal, but for me personally it's the very first step to complete recovery from everything that has been dragging me down for so long. I feared what happened with my former best friend would push me over the edge, but here I am, standing stronger than ever before. I'll admit I still wrestle with nightmares and often wake up sweating, crying, or hyperventilating, but I'm still making myself go to sleep at night to face my demons, so I can wake up energized and healthy to face the day. I want to encourage all of those who are facing or will face things like depression, disaster, trauma, rejection, betrayal, and all of those awful things to remind yourself it gets worse before it gets better. When you're facing a storm in your life, don't fear the lightning and allow yourself to dance in the rain. Though it may seem impossible, try to find reasons to rejoice in your hardships because they'll make you stronger, braver, and wiser. I'm not completely sure of everyone's religious beliefs, however, in my belief, God is there for you and He will always be there to catch you when you fall. God loves you and will never give you more than you can handle. Stay strong and take care of yourselves because life is full of wonderful opportunities. Be ambitious; live your dreams! Life can be wonderful and beautiful if you let it. If any of you ever need someone to talk to or vent to, I'm always here. I check my notifications daily and I'll do my best to be as much help as possible. Thank you all again for all of the advice and all of the support! You are so wonderful and kind and I pray only the best for each and every one of your lives. Stay strong <3 Link to post Share on other sites
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